Venting Given Up

[ninthhokage]

I have rarely gone out over the past month. I've fallen so behind in school that I have to basically repeat this semester, and effectively threw $4000 down the drain.

I literally don't feel anything anymore. I have people that love me and care about me, but I can no longer reciprocate those feelings.

I feel bad for wanting to die, because I know it will affect a lot of people. But I am so tired of suffering, hating myself, and going to bed each night praying I don't wake up.

Of course, I am scared of dying. But at the same time, death is inevitable. So why should I continue to suffer...

 

[WhiteDespair]

I can relate to all of that. I still haven't found any answer.

 

[Spock87]

I understand this completely and I know it has to suck

 

[Mr2005]

School. God I'm fucking old. Should have been out of here ages ago

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that, and whatever decision you choose (to continue living or planning to CTB), make sure that you are really 100% following through because it's worse to be in a state of helplessness and indecisiveness when it comes to really important decisions in life. If you are thinking of repeating the semester, do so but with 100% commitment to academic work so that you don't waste another semester after the next one. If you aren't ready, then it's better to postpone so you don't waste your time and money while you figure out what to do in your life. Ultimately, it is your decision, but please make sure that you are 100% sure of what you are choosing so that you don't end up in a worse situation or regretting your decision.

 

[ninthhokage]

I'm sorry to hear that, and whatever decision you choose (to continue living or planning to CTB), make sure that you are really 100% following through because it's worse to be in a state of helplessness and indecisiveness when it comes to really important decisions in life. If you are thinking of repeating the semester, do so but with 100% commitment to academic work so that you don't waste another semester after the next one. If you aren't ready, then it's better to postpone so you don't waste your time and money while you figure out what to do in your life. Ultimately, it is your decision, but please make sure that you are 100% sure of what you are choosing so that you don't end up in a worse situation or regretting your decision.

Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. Quite honestly, school is like a drop in a bucket of reasons why I would like to CTB. I've pretty much made up my mind with 99% certainty that I want to CTB.

I guess the stage I'm at now is whether I could do it alone, and how I will go about it.