Venting Given up on myself

[rizleechboy]

Realistically, I am making myself worse by being on here. I joined just a couple weeks ago. But I think it's fueled by my underlying urge to nudge myself towards killing myself. More from an outside perspective, I just want this person to kill themselves. I don't know what else to do. I think it's going to just be like this forever. Anything better has always been temporary. I seem incapable of making friends anymore. I'm probably self sabotaging that too, since I think I'm evil and probably shouldn't have friends anyway. I think, I'm always waiting for something to live for but I never find anything. Im definitely not up to living for myself. I know I won't be able to get myself to attempt now, but I'm always ten times worse when I'm on my period. I was planning to attempt 2 weeks ago, but I was too scared to jump off a building. In 2 weeks, I'll try. If it's this bad now I think I'll have to try, with how bad it might get. Whatever. If I just get hospitalized that's fine, I guess. Maybe something will happen. I wish something would fucking happen to me. It's all perfect status quo forever.

 

[puella]

Please use this website responsibly. It could very easily become a negative influence on your mental health.

It's great to have a place where you can vent with no judgment or fear. But when you're already in a bad place, seeing other people vent can be overwhelming.

My PMs are open if you ever want a place you can be listened to without any outside noise from the rest of the forum. I think new members often have trouble sending PMs, but I can also try sending you one if you would like.