Getting worse, not better

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

Everyone says things get better but I'm worse and worse. I'm cutting regularly again and can't make myself eat.

I'm trying so hard to feel better, get better, but my ex foils all my progress by keeping me rooted in all that pain and heartbreak. He is everywhere, and so much more charismatic than me, so everyone prefers him. There are no options to avoid him unless I stop going out completely. I don't have many friends and it feels like everyone is always busy, but at least a community social calendar gives me occasional distractions and reasons to dress up for events. Without that I'll surely CTB. I'd have nothing, absolutely nothing left. So I have to choose between that and constant heartbreak from seeing him out.

Why does the lie of things getting better get perpetuated? Feels like a fucked up trick designed to make us feel worse when things never do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that having hope often just leads to more suffering. I am glad that I have no hope. Losing hope can be very painful. I'm sorry that things are so awful, I know that it can be dreadful when things just get worse. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[symphony]

I'm so sorry... it sounds like you're in a lot of pain.

This is me, too, even if the details of the circumstances are a little different. I've been in very intensive treatment for depression for years now... and I'm worse off than ever. In group therapy earlier today, just about every other patient shared a touching anecdote about how "they're doing so much better now", which honestly made me feel even worse.

 

[sad_gurl_thoughts]

earlier today, just about every other patient shared a touching anecdote about how "they're doing so much better now", which honestly made me feel even worse.

That would do me in. I hate feeling like I can't be happy for other people, but truly it's a knife in the heart when I feel this terrible because I feel like I'll never experience happiness again.

I'm sorry you've been going through this.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I am so sorry for the pain you're going through. Heartbreak is the most PAINFUL unbearable experience and I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I know that pain. I hope you're able to recover from it