Help Getting things in order

[PleaseHelp82]

So before one is to CTB what things should they take care of? I've got so much stuff to deal with it's making me even more anxious. I've got a couple buildings of stuff to go through. My living space I'd like to get rid of stuff I don't think anyone will want or need but can't set off any red flags. I'm working on getting my beneficiaries for my bank accounts and my 401k plans. I don't really know what else to do beforehand. I've got cars in my name and credit cards and student loans, anyone know what happens to that stuff? If I have any remaining debt is my family responsible for it or is it just forgiven?

 

[SarRy]

Everything you own at the time of your death is part of your estate. Any debts you had in life are entitled to their share of your estate.

Getting your life together can look very similar to getting ready to end your life. It's the same decluttering, organising, etc.
There are guides for Swedish death cleaning that help with cleaning. Really, a decluttered life can help make life look at bit better of a prospect too.

At any rate, I hope you find peace.

 

[PleaseHelp82]

Everything you own at the time of your death is part of your estate. Any debts you had in life are entitled to their share of your estate.

Getting your life together can look very similar to getting ready to end your life. It's the same decluttering, organising, etc.
There are guides for Swedish death cleaning that help with cleaning. Really, a decluttered life can help make life look at bit better of a prospect too.

At any rate, I hope you find peace.

The major one I'm worried about would be my 401k but I don't think they can touch that if I list beneficiaries.

 

[uniqueusername987]

Following. In my note I have:

• List of people who need to know (e.g. employers, I'm not convinced they would find out on their own) though this list has gotten shorter as I care much less about certain people finding out now, e.g. my therapist and psychiatrist. Either they'll figure it out or better that they don't.
• My dog's vet, how to get veterinary records, and instructions on monthly medication. I may also board him before I leave.
• Login to my Rover account to cancel recurring visits and deactivate my account. (I'm not taking any long-term stays anymore, just workday walks so no dog's gonna starve if I ctb.)
• Spreadsheet of receipts for tax write-offs (I have a couple of side gigs). A big YOU'RE WELCOME to my family for this, it was a royal pain in the ass to make just to save $1000.

My parents already had me set up Financial Power of Attorney while I was studying abroad but I would do that if you haven't. And I've given away all my decorations and unnecessary furniture and stuff, basically anything I wouldn't be disappointed to lose if I fail.

I'm a 25 year old grad student so I don't have much going on financially except like $18k in loans. But my parents have money, they'll figure it out.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Are you married? If not, there is no one legally obligated to pay off your student loans or credit card debts unless they are a cosigner on the loans (based on US law). If you have money in the bank, or some of your assets can be liquidated upon your death, those can go to paying towards your debts after estate expenses have been paid. I don't know where you live, but in the US there's a "pecking order" as to who gets paid first when someone dies when there are debts. Firstly, the deceased is entitled to a funeral and burial expenses being paid from their assets. Secondly, ongoing bills such as mortgages, taxes, utilities, insurances, etc, must keep being paid. Thirdly, the court fees for handling the estate must get paid. Forth, the lawyer handling the estate must get paid. Fifth, the "executor" of the estate must get paid. If the decedent has a house that must be sold, the realtor is entitled to be paid. After that, the creditors can share in anything that is left, but it might be unequal sharing, depending on who they are. This all assumes you have any money in the bank and have assets that are actually worth anything and can be liquidated. Obviously, if you have no money, bills will just not get paid and creditors will just be out of luck. If you are married, your spouse (usually) becomes liable for much of your debt. Your children are never responsible for your debt unless they cosigned a loan with you, nor are your parents, or siblings, for the same reason. O course, if you are in a business with your family, or even someone else, your share of whatever debts you have related to that business get passed onto your business partner(s). Now, depending on how you have things set up as far as your bank accounts and such, they can pass directly to someone, bypassing the estate process. This is usually true of "joint" accounts owned by 2 or more people (John Smith AND Sally Jones). If you owe the government money, they can circumvent any "beneficiary" status that you place on accounts, such as a 401K, and basically, just take the money, regardless whether you designated a beneficiary.

I hope you have a will drafted and get any and all of your assets listed in it and make your desires known.

 

[uniqueusername987]

My living space I'd like to get rid of stuff I don't think anyone will want or need but can't set off any red flags.

Also - obviously err on the side of caution but I've been SO SURPRISED at how oblivious people were to me giving away my stuff. I used Buy Nothing, a Facebook group for giving away free stuff which a lot of my Facebook friends are in. Literally gave away 50 things and had a whole spreadsheet of them all. A couple people (mostly strangers I was giving stuff away to, plus one friend) asked but I just said I was "cleaning up", no extra context as to why, and they were like "oh that makes sense, good for you." Some of them even know I deleted my social media accounts in preparation to spontaneously ctb last weekend. No connection. Completely over the head. People are absolute idiots, it would be hilarious if it weren't so sad.

ETA: Also I absolutely panicked when my dad said he was coming over this weekend and I had given away a bunch of stuff before I knew. Same with a couple friends who invited themselves over because they knew I'd had a rough weekend. I don't think a single one has noticed. We're talking like giant tapestries and paintings everywhere and entire dressers and wall storage and a night stand and my whole book collection. All gone. No reaction. I cannot emphasize enough how oblivious the people in my life are.

 

[PleaseHelp82]

Are you married? If not, there is no one legally obligated to pay off your student loans or credit card debts unless they are a cosigner on the loans (based on US law). If you have money in the bank, or some of your assets can be liquidated upon your death, those can go to paying towards your debts after estate expenses have been paid. I don't know where you live, but in the US there's a "pecking order" as to who gets paid first when someone dies when there are debts. Firstly, the deceased is entitled to a funeral and burial expenses being paid from their assets. Secondly, ongoing bills such as mortgages, taxes, utilities, insurances, etc, must keep being paid. Thirdly, the court fees for handling the estate must get paid. Forth, the lawyer handling the estate must get paid. Fifth, the "executor" of the estate must get paid. If the decedent has a house that must be sold, the realtor is entitled to be paid. After that, the creditors can share in anything that is left, but it might be unequal sharing, depending on who they are. This all assumes you have any money in the bank and have assets that are actually worth anything and can be liquidated. Obviously, if you have no money, bills will just not get paid and creditors will just be out of luck. If you are married, your spouse (usually) becomes liable for much of your debt. Your children are never responsible for your debt unless they cosigned a loan with you, nor are your parents, or siblings, for the same reason. O course, if you are in a business with your family, or even someone else, your share of whatever debts you have related to that business get passed onto your business partner(s). Now, depending on how you have things set up as far as your bank accounts and such, they can pass directly to someone, bypassing the estate process. This is usually true of "joint" accounts owned by 2 or more people (John Smith AND Sally Jones). If you owe the government money, they can circumvent any "beneficiary" status that you place on accounts, such as a 401K, and basically, just take the money, regardless whether you designated a beneficiary.

I hope you have a will drafted and get any and all of your assets listed in it and make your desires known.

I don't have a will made up. I'm not too worried about credit card debt as I really don't have much of that. The big thing is the student loans. I'm the sole owner of those so I read the government can't touch the 401k which will go to my kids. I'm not married. I don't own a house, I rent. I have a business but don't have any debt with it. I have a bunch of "stuff" that probably really isn't worth much. My bank accounts are solely in my name but I was thinking about adding my kids mother as the beneficiary on those. I don't really think anyone is going to need to deal with an "estate" per say they would probably just have a garage sale to get rid of it. I honestly thought I could just write in my final goodbye note, what bank accounts I have and my 401k and who gets what. My kids and their mother won't fight over any of it nor will my siblings. And my only desire is really going to be cremated and they can do as they wish with the ashes. Nothing too spectacular.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My bank accounts are solely in my name but I was thinking about adding my kids mother as the beneficiary on those.

It would be better if you would add someone's name directly to those accounts, as long as you can trust them. It avoids those accounts being a part of probate and the government (student loans) attaching to them. Your "estate" encompasses ALL of your assets - your business, your bank accounts, your stuff - not just a house if you had one. Those hand written wills often don't carry the same "weight" as a legally drafted will. And your final wishes for cremation should be included in your will, also. Don't know your location, but a "simple" will in the US is about $200. I'll defer to you about whether the government can attach to a 401K. I never checked on it, but I do know that the Federal Government has powers much greater than the state's. The business would probably be sold? Chances are that money would go towards your student loans. But, as I said, estate costs come first, which includes cremation and burial costs, if there are any, and all the others bills and costs I mentioned. Then whatever is left the government comes in and gets what it can. If there isn't enough money to cover all of the debts, the estate also has the option of filing an "insolvency" type of estate. I don't know the exact terminology, but, basically, it's for when the estate is bankrupt. With all the different nuances of what that may mean, different "rules" go into effect. And a lot of this depends on where you live, also. Different states have different laws.

I've already executed over 2 estates in my lifetime. I'm glad I'm not going to have to handle mine. It's a thankless job, that's for sure.

 

[PleaseHelp82]

It would be better if you would add someone's name directly to those accounts, as long as you can trust them. It avoids those accounts being a part of probate and the government (student loans) attaching to them. Your "estate" encompasses ALL of your assets - your business, your bank accounts, your stuff - not just a house if you had one. Those hand written wills often don't carry the same "weight" as a legally drafted will. And your final wishes for cremation should be included in your will, also. Don't know your location, but a "simple" will in the US is about $200. I'll defer to you about whether the government can attach to a 401K. I never checked on it, but I do know that the Federal Government has powers much greater than the state's. The business would probably be sold? Chances are that money would go towards your student loans. But, as I said, estate costs come first, which includes cremation and burial costs, if there are any, and all the others bills and costs I mentioned. Then whatever is left the government comes in and gets what it can. If there isn't enough money to cover all of the debts, the estate also has the option of filing an "insolvency" type of estate. I don't know the exact terminology, but, basically, it's for when the estate is bankrupt. With all the different nuances of what that may mean, different "rules" go into effect. And a lot of this depends on where you live, also. Different states have different laws.

I've already executed over 2 estates in my lifetime. I'm glad I'm not going to have to handle mine. It's a thankless job, that's for sure.

I don't want to get into too much detail because you never know if a friend is lurking who may know me lol. But my "business" is just a side thing. I don't have a building or expenses or anything like that. It's all just run out of my apartment.

Do I have to go to a lawyer for a will? Obviously I don't want to set off any red flags so the less people involved the better.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't want to get into too much detail because you never know if a friend is lurking who may know me lol.

Completely understand.

Do I have to go to a lawyer for a will? Obviously I don't want to set off any red flags so the less people involved the better.

Well, nowadays you can do them online. They may even be a little cheaper, like $50 or something. I went to a lawyer. Not because I have anything substantial or anything like that, but because I wanted my will filed directly with my local court, which cost me an extra $10. I'm probably in a little different situation than you. I don't have anyone to take care of my estate when I pass. Like literally, no one. i had to have it in my will to direct the court to hire a "professional" executor to handle my estate - take care of my bills, clean out my house and garage, sell my assets, make sure I get cremated and my ashes placed where I want - all that kind of stuff.

I don't know how old you are, but lots of people get wills drawn up. It's no big deal. Any lawyer would tell you that everyone needs a will, no matter the age. It really doesn't set off red flags, as you put it. Actually, you being unmarried, having children, and your children's mother is in the picture, so to speak, that is a very good reason to have a will. I don't see an issue with it. To the contrary, they'll think you're actually being quite responsible for getting one drawn up. You don't have to tell your family your getting a will made up. As far as putting you children's mother on your bank accounts - like I said if you can trust her to not go in and clean them out for her own benefit, it's the better way to go if you can. If not, just do the beneficiary thing. I think it's easier with a lawyer. Usually you meet with them first as a "consultation". You go in with some things on paper you've been thinking about, including assets you have. They'll tell you what you need to get together and then make another appointment to go over everything in more detail. That's really it. They'll draft the will. You go in again and check it over and make sure things are right and then the lawyer will do the final draft.

 

[PleaseHelp82]

Completely understand.


Well, nowadays you can do them online. They may even be a little cheaper, like $50 or something. I went to a lawyer. Not because I have anything substantial or anything like that, but because I wanted my will filed directly with my local court, which cost me an extra $10. I'm probably in a little different situation than you. I don't have anyone to take care of my estate when I pass. Like literally, no one. i had to have it in my will to direct the court to hire a "professional" executor to handle my estate - take care of my bills, clean out my house and garage, sell my assets, make sure I get cremated and my ashes placed where I want - all that kind of stuff.

I don't know how old you are, but lots of people get wills drawn up. It's no big deal. Any lawyer would tell you that everyone needs a will, no matter the age. It really doesn't set off red flags, as you put it. Actually, you being unmarried, having children, and your children's mother is in the picture, so to speak, that is a very good reason to have a will. I don't see an issue with it. To the contrary, they'll think you're actually being quite responsible for getting one drawn up. You don't have to tell your family your getting a will made up. As far as putting you children's mother on your bank accounts - like I said if you can trust her to not go in and clean them out for her own benefit, it's the better way to go if you can. If not, just do the beneficiary thing. I think it's easier with a lawyer. Usually you meet with them first as a "consultation". You go in with some things on paper you've been thinking about, including assets you have. They'll tell you what you need to get together and then make another appointment to go over everything in more detail. That's really it. They'll draft the will. You go in again and check it over and make sure things are right and then the lawyer will do the final draft.

Well that definitely sounds easier than I thought it would be to get it done. I was really thinking about CTB soon but I think I definitely have more work to do before I do. I think it might have to wait until the beginning of the year because of the holiday season coming up soon and that's already a hard time for my family.

I am definitely glad I found this forum and group. It's nice to be able to talk about these things without being judged.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Well that definitely sounds easier than I thought it would be to get it done. I was really thinking about CTB soon but I think I definitely have more work to do before I do. I think it might have to wait until the beginning of the year because of the holiday season coming up soon and that's already a hard time for my family.

I am definitely glad I found this forum and group. It's nice to be able to talk about these things without being judged.

I think I had the whole will done within 3 weeks. It wasn't that big of a deal. I even had to go in about 6 months later and have something revised in it because something happened out of my control. Cost me another $50, though.

I am definitely glad I found this forum and group. It's nice to be able to talk about these things without being judged.

It is, isn't it? I wouldn't have anyone to talk to about these things were it not for the people here on SS. Best community, BY FAR, I've even been a part of, online, or even IRL. There's a lot of knowledge in the people here. I've learned so much, and continue to learn more and more. Actually, reading the stories from so many about situations and topics I could have never even imagined, I've become a better person than I was before I found this place. I never realized there was so much suffering and misery in this world. It's opened my eyes, that's for certain. I may be more cynical about this world now, but at least I don't have blinders on anymore.

 

[DeadHead]

I don't want to get into too much detail because you never know if a friend is lurking who may know me lol. But my "business" is just a side thing. I don't have a building or expenses or anything like that. It's all just run out of my apartment.

Do I have to go to a lawyer for a will? Obviously I don't want to set off any red flags so the less people involved the better.

You can do your own will, no need for a lawyer. I did my own. Just make sure it is dated and properly witnessed. And in a place where it can be found if you don't have anyone to giveva copy. Tricky thing is you need to appoint an executor, easy if you have friends/family. Not so easy if you don't.

 

[unloveablegay]

I've been thinking about this too, and in addition to all that important legal and financial stuff, I also have things like:
- clear browser history on all devices
- deactivate or delete social media accounts and maybe email accounts (especially the one associated with this site)
- delete any photos/videos you don't want anyone to see after you're dead
- stop utilities and mail
- stop subscriptions
- cancel credit cards (leaving my bank account open though)
- leave a document with login/passwords, PIN numbers, account numbers, SSN, phone PIN, tax info, etc. so people can figure things out without you (secondary authentication makes things more challenging nowadays so make sure to leave your phone or device accessible too)
- leave a document with information (like the end date) of other yearly subscriptions or member services, or ownership of stocks and other investments (e.g. Costco membership, )
- write your own draft obituary and leave instructions on how you want your death to be handled
- leave a set of spare keys (or mail them to someone)
- ask someone to let work know you're gone
- clear out the fridge/freezer and leave your trash bin out on the street for collection
-water plants for a last time if you want someone to take care of them after
- clean car/get it detailed, change oil, make sure everything is ship shape so it's easy for family to take it on. Perhaps even leave a note as to where you'll leave it and where the spare keys are (if you plan to do it in the car though, probably skip this step as I don't think anyone will want the car after)

Just some other small stuff to think about.

 

[PleaseHelp82]

I've been thinking about this too, and in addition to all that important legal and financial stuff, I also have things like:
- clear browser history on all devices
- deactivate or delete social media accounts and maybe email accounts (especially the one associated with this site)
- delete any photos/videos you don't want anyone to see after you're dead
- stop utilities and mail
- stop subscriptions
- cancel credit cards (leaving my bank account open though)
- leave a document with login/passwords, PIN numbers, account numbers, SSN, phone PIN, tax info, etc. so people can figure things out without you (secondary authentication makes things more challenging nowadays so make sure to leave your phone or device accessible too)
- leave a document with information (like the end date) of other yearly subscriptions or member services, or ownership of stocks and other investments (e.g. Costco membership, )
- write your own draft obituary and leave instructions on how you want your death to be handled
- leave a set of spare keys (or mail them to someone)
- ask someone to let work know you're gone
- clear out the fridge/freezer and leave your trash bin out on the street for collection
-water plants for a last time if you want someone to take care of them after
- clean car/get it detailed, change oil, make sure everything is ship shape so it's easy for family to take it on. Perhaps even leave a note as to where you'll leave it and where the spare keys are (if you plan to do it in the car though, probably skip this step as I don't think anyone will want the car after)

Just some other small stuff to think about.

Ya I've started already cleaning out junk from my apartment. I actually clear my browser history regularly so I'm used to doing that. I'll probably route all emails to one account and get rid of all the others and I've already started unsubscribing from stuff. I'll probably leave my Facebook active so someone can let all my friends know, not that many will care. I'm definitely going to clean out the car and make sure everything is ready to go. I think I'm going to leave some stuff in a big envelope with letters to people, a detailed note with all my information and stuff needed like banks, 401k, etc. I'll probably cash out my stocks beforehand so the money is in the bank. I'm actually wondering if I should just close all but one of my accounts and leave cash so nobody else can "take" it from who I want it to go to. So much to think of and do. I keep thinking I'm going to definitely have to push CTB off until the beginning of the year.

You can do your own will, no need for a lawyer. I did my own. Just make sure it is dated and properly witnessed. And in a place where it can be found if you don't have anyone to giveva copy. Tricky thing is you need to appoint an executor, easy if you have friends/family. Not so easy if you don't.

I'm trying to figure out if my kids mother should be my executor. I really don't think my family will want anything to do with it, or want any of my stuff except possibly my kids but she wouldn't fight them over anything.