Getting my SN later, I'll CTB :D

[Countdown321]

I've been fine for months, until my depression hit me really hard about two months ago.
I didn't knew the SN method until I came across this wonderful website.
Before that, I was summoning courage so I could hang myself. One of my best friends killed himself on January 2020 by doing that.
I turned 29 years old in the last 21st but I don't have a reason to live anymore. I don't believe in love, high inflaction is making me sick (I don't see a scenario where it'll change in the next years), I don't have a dream to achieve and my parents are getting older. I have no future and I did the best I could during my whole life but I ended up doing nothing lol


Looking forward my SN delivery so I can finally catch my bus.


Does anyone know an excuse I can give my mom if she receives the package from the postman?
I'm so happy that the last time I went to pshychiatric, he gave me Rivotril, so I can CTB peacefully. I really deserve the eternal rest <3

 

[Countdown321]

It just has arrived :D
I'm so grateful that last time I went to the psychiatrist, he gave me Rivotril, so I can CTB peacefully this night

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans. I hope things go the way you want them to and you find the peace you are looking for. I can relate to having no future, life is so depressing...

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Good luck.

 

[Countdown321]

I'm pretty sure that things won't get better. I've been trying it so hard for the last 16 years.
There was time that things were a little lighter but I don't see it happenning again. I don't want to get old either.

I prefer people who knew me during my life to remember me as a young full of vitality person, even if I pretended it my whole life :D

 

[Rayzieka]

i hope you find peace

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm pretty sure that things won't get better. I've been trying it so hard for the last 16 years.
There was time that things were a little lighter but I don't see it happenning again. I don't want to get old either.

I prefer people who knew me during my life to remember me as a young full of vitality person, even if I pretended it my whole life :D

Doesn't it seem like a foreign country before you were CTB?

 

[$nowLeopard]

Good luck.

 

[Countdown321]

Doesn't it seem like a foreign country before you were CTB?

What do you mean by that?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

What do you mean by that?

I mean that prior to feeling suicidal, 6 months ago, I could see a future, I could experience pleasure, laughter, learning and connection. Now I have to work to remember what that felt like … seems like another person a million years ago.. a foreign country - or maybe THIS is the foreign country …

 

[Countdown321]

I mean that prior to feeling suicidal, 6 months ago, I could see a future, I could experience pleasure, laughter, learning and connection. Now I have to work to remember what that felt like … seems like another person a million years ago.. a foreign country - or maybe THIS is the foreign country …

Yeah, it feels the same to me. It was like I was playing a RPG and now I'm dealing with the real me. I can't feel anything other than apathy. I don't have feelings about anything or anyone else.

Exactly now, I'm eating my last meal: making my last day on Earth the most pleasure I can do it to myself. Kind of spoiling me because I won't eat anything for the next 8 hours.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yeah, it feels the same to me. It was like I was playing a RPG and now I'm dealing with the real me. I can't feel anything other than apathy. I don't have feelings about anything or anyone else.

Exactly now, I'm eating my last meal: making my last day on Earth the most pleasure I can do it to myself. Kind of spoiling me because I won't eat anything for the next 8 hours.

Is the end near?

 

[Countdown321]

Is the end near?

Now is 4:47pm in Brazil. I'll do it around 12:30 a.m. I'm kind of anxious in a good way, like I've never been with anything in months hahaha

 

[Ta555]

Now is 4:47pm in Brazil. I'll do it around 12:30 a.m. I'm kind of anxious in a good way, like I've never been with anything in months hahaha

I wish you a peaceful journey! May I ask where you ordered from?

 

[SadVegan]

I wish you the most peaceful exit, you deserve it as everyone else in this website, i envy you (in a good way :D)