Venting Getting diagnosed with BPD is more depressing

[1111h31p]

Altough I've been thinking for a years that the symptoms for borderline personality disorder have been matching a bit too much the way I've been feeling and my habits, i just recently got diagnosed with it. It had also been suggested by multiple psychotherapists I've visited that it's likely that I have it, but I wasn't old enough to even get diagnosed with a personality disorder and they all said that I was still in development and I might get better. However, the first thing that came to mind when i got the official diagnosis was how there are some countries that have legalized assisted suicide for mental illness such as major depression, bipolar disorder, and a few others, one of them being borderline personality disorder as well. The statistics for it are depressing as well, and I'm part of the 75% that have already attempted suicide at least once. I want to live less and less since I'd have to undergo a crazy amount of therapy to feel better in the slightest and few full recoveries were registered (not to mention it takes more than a decade in most cases to get better). I'm tired of the constant feeling of emptiness and my horrible attachment issues, impulsivity, substance issues and ways to cope. I feel like I'm just ruining myself more and more every passing day. I really don't wish to be alive anymore. If anyone has made it this far I'm very grateful for the time you've spent reading this and I'm sending everyone whos also having a horrible time being alive now hugs and the best wishes.

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

As someone who was formerly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, I feel your pain. I responded to someone else diagnosed with bpd and struggling and wanted to share those same thoughts here. Overall thought is labeling you with a personality disorder is blaming you for the awful things you've been through rather than seeing it as an understandable response to living in a difficult world. I don't think bpd is a label professionals should be using as it does more harm than good, and c-ptsd is often more accurate and healing for the client.

I have some pretty radical views on bpd and mental health treatment as a whole so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think people labeled as having bpd are really being done a dis-service by mental health professionals. If you compare the symptoms of hysteria in the DSM 2 to the symptoms of BPD in the DSM 5 they're nearly identical. Hysteria being infamously used to discredit survivors of abuse who show negative reactions to it.

People diagnosed with bpd are often made to feel hopeless as all this medication and therapy don't seem to get them very far and are often even looked down on by professionals as "unruly" or "undesirable" patients and clients. I was diagnosed myself when I was younger and I felt similarly to you. There was no point in living if I'm going to just destroy my own relationships and struggle and ache to force myself to act like a normal person.

I was losing hope in being able to stabilize myself until I talked to another therapist who suggested we just change the diagnosis to C-PTSD instead of bpd. Most if not all people diagnosed with bpd can also easily qualify for a PTSD diagnosis as trauma are key factors to both. It helped me reframe the thought of everything being my fault, and me being this hopeless deranged person doomed to ruin my life and hurt those around me. I turned those thoughts into understanding how the awful things I've went through in life and the awful way our society runs and treats me and people like me, shaped me for the worse, but that it didn't make me someone with a disordered personality, it made me someone who was hurt and was responding in a very human way to that unimaginable pain.

You've been convinced by professionals you are a problematic and treatment-resistant person, but I advise you to question what they are telling you. Not every therapist or psychiatrist cares or knows what they are doing, and if you've ever been to an inpatient mental hospital you'll know the lack of empathy some professionals can have firsthand.

I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but maybe the first step to putting a dent in the things that are hurting you is changing the way you tackle and view your issues.
I recommend this video by an ex-therapist who goes into more detail than I can about his issues with bpd as a diagnosis.

 

[d3c96524be95]

Read it all. I don't have BPD so I probably can't relate as much as you'd like, but I do feel the "high effort low reward" part. It looks like a constant in all serious psychiatric issues. You undergo thousands of pervasive therapies for years, some of which are highly iatrogenic, only to realize they are mostly ineffective (when they are effective at all). Sure, you can always cherry-pick cases of full recovery, but the more you advance, the less it improves, and you start to realize how mediocre your prognosis is.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful and tiring feeling so trapped in that situation, to me it's understandable wishing to be free from it all, sadly where I live assisted suicide isn't even legalised for anyone at all, it's certainly so inhumane. But anyway best wishes.

 

[hellispink]

bpd is the worst life sentence one can have i have it myself

 

[todienomore]

According to Professor Sam Vaknin its a 'trashcan diagnosis' (they just throw a lot of people into it) and also most BPD patients will 'spontaneously' recover with time. Most of the psych industry is a grift, you can find the way out of this.

 

[l0stc4use]

i understand u completely, i have bpd too friend. it is an evil illness i would never wish on anybody

 

[peelingbananas]

Altough I've been thinking for a years that the symptoms for borderline personality disorder have been matching a bit too much the way I've been feeling and my habits, i just recently got diagnosed with it. It had also been suggested by multiple psychotherapists I've visited that it's likely that I have it, but I wasn't old enough to even get diagnosed with a personality disorder and they all said that I was still in development and I might get better. However, the first thing that came to mind when i got the official diagnosis was how there are some countries that have legalized assisted suicide for mental illness such as major depression, bipolar disorder, and a few others, one of them being borderline personality disorder as well. The statistics for it are depressing as well, and I'm part of the 75% that have already attempted suicide at least once. I want to live less and less since I'd have to undergo a crazy amount of therapy to feel better in the slightest and few full recoveries were registered (not to mention it takes more than a decade in most cases to get better). I'm tired of the constant feeling of emptiness and my horrible attachment issues, impulsivity, substance issues and ways to cope. I feel like I'm just ruining myself more and more every passing day. I really don't wish to be alive anymore. If anyone has made it this far I'm very grateful for the time you've spent reading this and I'm sending everyone whos also having a horrible time being alive now hugs and the best wishes.

hugs back! i'm really sorry you're getting to this point. do you want to talk more?

 

[1111h31p]

hugs back! i'm really sorry you're getting to this point. do you want to talk more?

i really would love to talk more if you are available! im in a really bad spot altogether.

 

[mind3de]

I was in psych wards several times and had contact with people suffering from BPD. From what I remember it's a disorder that has good therapy options (try DBT). Don't throw your life away, if you can get treatment.

 

[peelingbananas]

i really would love to talk more if you are available! im in a really bad spot altogether.

sure! any time you need, feel free to shoot me a dm :)

also sorry for the late reply ^_^

 

[dead-yaga]

tbh i always try to tell people to avoid diagnosis as much as you can unless theres a specific service that you need that diagnosis to recieve. you do NOT want the government knowing that kind of information tbh, i hate to be paranoid but like when things go south the disabled people are the first they cross off the lists

 

[borderlinealcoholic]

its hell