Getting closer to CTB

[Electric1]

I get closer everyday. Literally everyday I plan to die as soon as I am able to but I'm stopped because of SI. The things keeping me here are different, it's not like I'm thinking about who has to find my body, my family, pets or anything. Not even the whole blind "hope" thing is there for me. I am easily able to disregard all these things. It is just fear. For my entire existence, I have been a conscious living human being. This current world as I perceive it is all I know. I have to let everything go in order to CTB. I have to accept death, the unknown, something that our DNA is designed to fear. Hopefully when I am dead, I won't even know that I have died, and that it's just lights out forever. Eventually, I'm going to have to just come to terms with it. When you isolate yourself for almost as much as you possibly can and literally only think about ending it, it'll get to you eventually, right? I think it's just all about the environment you have around you and the thought process you go through when thinking of life and death.

 

[Ryemi]

I understand you so much, I feel the same fear too

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for, best wishes.