Discussion Getting a late diagnosis for Autism

[Deadlyroses]

Let me start by saying that I have been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. I know there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with ADHD and Autism. I've also learned that this is a fairly common comorbidity. I have suspected that I may be on the spectrum for quite some time now (in addition to my ADHD). I think it may be a big contributing factor to my lifelong misery. The feeling of being out of place everywhere I go. My frequent stimming and repetitive behaviors. My sensory overload-induced self injurious behaviors. My hyperfixations and my nuanced special interests. I remember as I kid I would get nervous during tests and I'd hum endlessly. My classmates bullied me and I've only grown more withdrawn and quiet since. I never could make friends and I ended up just being the quiet one who spends all of her time alone. I learned very early on that I annoy people no matter what. That it's best to just stay silent unless I'm alone. I mask everything and withdraw from people. I force myself to do all of my stimming and pacing and repetitive actions when I'm alone. Nobody sees it. Ever. Walking into my room after a long day feels like a relief because I can freely pace in circles with my noise canceling headphones and listen to my favorite songs repeatedly while I stim away. I can go on, but these are some of the first things that come to mind as far as my suspicions go.

I'm wondering if this is a case of me flying under the radar and being on the spectrum all along. I have been in touch with an expert on finally getting assessed for it. I was recently told that she'd be willing to do it. I am considering putting my ctb on hold just to see if my suspicions are right. It will come down to when her soonest availability is. If it's too long of a wait, I might say fuck it and ctb before my upcoming 26th birthday as I've already planned. She's supposed to let me know this coming Monday. I'll have to wait until then to decide. If my suspicions are right, it would explain so much. But it wouldn't make a difference in the grand scheme of things- I still intend to ctb. I'm broken and damaged beyond repair at this point. I don't see myself actually seeking "help". My disdain for the world is far too high for me to bother living in it much longer. I just hope to get some answers before I make my exit. I am posting this here because I am at my wits end and I have nobody to talk to about it. I can't talk honestly to anyone because I don't want to alarm others about my intentions to CTB. This is the only platform where I can honestly ask questions and freely talk about these things.

Have any of you been diagnosed with Autism or any other similar conditions as an adult? Anyone else please feel free to chime in.

 

[Seiba]

No, but I've never received an eval for either it. I doubt it in my case. I have ADD diagnosis.
"Walking into my room after a long day feels like a relief because I can freely pace in circles with my noise canceling headphones and listen to my favorite songs repeatedly while I stim away"

I do what you wrote a lot but without the headphones. I've ruined around 3-4 subject notebooks flipping through them, ruined three or so fictional novels, belt back and forth until my wrist was hurting, and now I'm currently doing plastic top loaders because I like the feel. Also had ADD fidget toy but I lost all but one of those and I like the plastic top loader more (ironic, I know.)

 

[Fire&Ash]

I sometimes like to play psychiatrist on myself. I analyze my family and ask "so I have that?" and how my issues could stem from other mental illnesses. I sometimes I suspect Im on the spectrum too, since im premature, but its the kind of autism that makes learning anything like a going up a steep hill. Difficult. I also have social issues. I cant feel a connection or pull to anyone around me. Its been that way for years. Im planning as of now, to ctb after I turn 26 as well, since I will lose my parents health insurance.

 

[AnnonyBox]

I do wonder sometimes if I may be on the spectrum to some degree. My own story parallels yours. I've met too many self-important and self-rightous people in the psych field to even consider going to one to confirm my suspicions though. I hope getting some answers helps you in some way.

 

[Dear Agony]

I have the same suspicion I am autistic as well, and am getting assessed soon by a neuropsychiatrist. I'm just worried it will be hard to get a diagnosis and I'm going to have to pay an absurd amount of money for it.
I definitely understand the relief of going to your room and being able to stim freely listening to songs (usually the same songs on repeat lol). My stimming has always been noticeable, but since I can mask most of other symptoms very well my family brushed it off, and when my mom sees me doing it she calls me a r*tard. Little does she know it's like I have to do it to relieve stress and I do it all day when I'm alone and something excites or stresses me.
I was also bullied as a child and was the "quiet kid". Tbh if I had been diagnosed at an earlier age, I might not want to CTB right now. But the damage is already done. I just want an explanation to why I grew up so fucked up with multiple mental illnesses and no friends, feeling like an Alien and fearing social interaction. I will feel less guilty and hate myself a little less. But for sure it won't cancel my plans to CTB.