Help Genuine question about liars/self-improvement and how to socialize better

[katara]

Some of this is venting but I will leave a TLDR at the bottom. So I want to get to the point where I don't come on here much anymore. I had times where I really liked this site, but I had some issues so I left, came back, then started being more social. But then i had an issue with someone I talked to on here, and it kind of ruined the vibe for me. I've had this happen before and I get tired of seeing people who act a certain way to me in dms but then have a completely different personality outside of my dms. So an example is people who pretend to be friendless losers when they are sad/having a bad day, but then in another conversation they are talking about partying on the weekends and hooking up with people (so acting like a completely different person)..
It's just hard for me to know who to trust because I feel like I'm always wasting my time with people. I hate feeling like I'm not doing anything to improve, I really just don't know how. One of the things I wanted to do was try to make a friend. When I try to reach out to people who say things about being friendless, I realize they aren't actually friendless and it hurts me. I want to avoid this, but I really just don't know how to improve social skills. I have a form of autism and I've had this happen multiple times and idk what I'm doing wrong, so basically this is my question.

TLDR: How to avoid fake people? What questions to ask/say to people to make them show their true colors, Or if any of you know a Youtuber who gives good advice on how to socialize better feel free to share that here too.

 

[Fwompje]

I think it's tough on a site like this. There are many genuine people but in the end it's the internet. Anyone can pretend to be in a tragic situation if they wish. But when inconsistenties show up it's safe to say they're just looking for attention. Which is also fine, just not a good foundation for a friendship.

There's no real way to find out if someone is being genuine via the internet besides talking for a long time and being critical. That said, I'm very gullible so I usually take people's word for it...

I can't help you specifically for any tips with autism besides just keep practicing! There will be hits and misses and it will all help you gain experience.

 

[Electronic Music]

There's no way to avoid fake people, its unfortunate but the way the world works. However, people cant be fake 100% of the time, and typically their true colors show regardless of what you do or say to them.

People pretending and faking is inevitable in every community, both irl and online. Imo its best to just give the benefit of the doubt. Those who aren't worth your time will show themselves as they have in your experience. Once they've proven to be unreliable just cut them off, and move onto the next person.

I'd rather give love and attention to a fake person for a small amount of time, than be worried about wasting my resources and denying someone that same love and attention who may genuinely need it.

TLDR: You cant avoid fake people, nor is there much you can say to dismantle the persona of a committed fraud. As for socializing, it's like any skill, practice makes perfect! Try not to let anxiety or fear control continuing to reach out for friendship. Best of luck, and much love friend.

 

[WellDefinedChin]

You don't need to "socialize better", be yourself.
You also cannot avoid narcissists.

 

[MoonlitNight]

Some of this is venting but I will leave a TLDR at the bottom. So I want to get to the point where I don't come on here much anymore. I had times where I really liked this site, but I had some issues so I left, came back, then started being more social. But then i had an issue with someone I talked to on here, and it kind of ruined the vibe for me. I've had this happen before and I get tired of seeing people who act a certain way to me in dms but then have a completely different personality outside of my dms. So an example is people who pretend to be friendless losers when they are sad/having a bad day, but then in another conversation they are talking about partying on the weekends and hooking up with people (so acting like a completely different person)..
It's just hard for me to know who to trust because I feel like I'm always wasting my time with people. I hate feeling like I'm not doing anything to improve, I really just don't know how. One of the things I wanted to do was try to make a friend. When I try to reach out to people who say things about being friendless, I realize they aren't actually friendless and it hurts me. I want to avoid this, but I really just don't know how to improve social skills. I have a form of autism and I've had this happen multiple times and idk what I'm doing wrong, so basically this is my question.

TLDR: How to avoid fake people? What questions to ask/say to people to make them show their true colors, Or if any of you know a Youtuber who gives good advice on how to socialize better feel free to share that here too.

If you're an awkward conversation starter like me. I suggest you get into certain activities where people are required to work in groups and co-operate. sadly i can't suggest any examples right now except school, universities, college etc or games, for me the latter works. This helps you get a topic for conversation and to get a kick-start. This may not always work and sometimes, the person may like something you're not interested in, but it's good to have connections just in case, whether to continue communicating with them is your choice.
As for how to avoid fake people. Keep it mind that a person cannot be generalised into one sentence. A way is that you can observe how much they talk about other people behind their backs to you. Once again they may just trust you and may not be like this toward you but really, there's no certain way of telling they're bad unless they're violent or manipulative openly and have gone past the point of no return (when thy decide they've used you enough and show their true face).
I consider myself friendless as the person i call my close-friend has a closer-friend of their own. I have a big social circle, but it's only ever because they had pity on me (really). I do have my good moments with them and hang out with them but i would not call them my friends when im having a hard time.