Venting General Agitation/Mid-Life Crisis

[azucaramargo]

All the people I admire on this site never post such nonsequitur, self-serving let-it-all-hang-out threads. But. I was hoping that I might vent to you all, my dear SS friends, and experience some relief.

I'm going to list some realities about which I am perturbed. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, most people would say I have bigger fish to fry than the items on the following list (e.g., $30k in debt for a degree I never finished, live with my parents, recently got in car accident & said parents are angry/disappointed/not letting me drive).

But, since I've never really been good at big-picture, long-term planning, here are the issues that are plaguing me at present:

-My ugly-ass, bloated, square-faced picture on my ID-badge photo for work that looks like a down-trodden version of my driver's-license picture of 6 years ago

-I have a hair appointment tomorrow that I can't effing afford, and will therefore have to cancel.

-I can't afford this upper-eyelid-lift (i.e., blepharoplasty) that would drastically improve my appearance.

-I can't afford the Botox that I once enjoyed (during unhealthy/mercenary romantic relationships of yore).

-I have not been able to exhibit the consistency/discipline/self-regulation required to lose any effing weight. So, I hate the way my body looks, but I don't do s&it about it.

-I love a kid 1/2 my age, and wish I were rich enough to be a cougar, so I could at least buy his love. The attention this kid sporadically pays me feels amazing. And I'm depressed/embarrassed to have such ridiculous feelings.

-My mom encouraged me to only bring "sections" of a submarine sandwich with me to work (rather than the whole sub). Just pissed me off. I know I'm effing fat.

-Seems like the easiest effing thing to do would confront my weight/fitness issues and make a change, but have I done anything about that? Noooooooo! I admire these people that never seem to put on any weight--despite aging and life stresses and pregnancies. WTF?!?

-As I lose my looks with age, I am realizing what a lonely future lies in front of me. So, that bothers me for two reasons: A) Fewer people will want to be around me, help me, listen to me, love me. B) For happiness and a sense of well-being, I am still so dependent on superficial attention. Like, I haven't built a career to fulfill me and spark people's interest/admiration in me in the autumn of my life.

-My neuroses seem to alienate me even more than before. I can't attract the people I want to attract.

-I hate my slumped shoulders and paunchy gut that are totally effing within my control to fix, but I just haven't.

Everyone ages. Everyone loses his/her/ looks. I hate myself for having these cliché concerns. I hate that I have given up. Hate that my happiness/sense of self is so heavily contingent on others' approval/affection. Hate that I can't seem to hold on to friendships/relationships. Thank you for letting me vent. I feel a little better.

 

[Jean Améry]

It seems you have a rather keen insight into your problems. This of course doesn't make it necessarily easier to handle or solve them.

You're working and you live with your parents. Assuming your parents don't make you pay rent your financial situation should improve gradually. Take comfort in that.

Once you've paid off your debt you can start thinking about ways to improve your life. If that includes plastic surgery of course that's your choice.

I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself: it's clear you're in a difficult spot so take it easy on yourself and try to take tiny steps to improve your situation. You're working so that's a great start. Many people here are unemployed and often too depressed/messed up to get work and keep it.

You already found ways to improve your looks so with the addition of a little exercise I'm sure you'll look your best soon and this will in turn attract people.

As to the crush on someone younger than you: we don't choose who we are attracted to and aslong as he's at least 18 I really don't see a problem. Of course dating someone much younger (if he'd be into that) could raise some eyebrows but ultimately the only people that this affects are you and him.

 

[azucaramargo]

It seems you have a rather keen insight into your problems. This of course doesn't make it necessarily easier to handle or solve them.

You're working and you live with your parents. Assuming your parents don't make you pay rent your financial situation should improve gradually. Take comfort in that.

Once you've paid off your debt you can start thinking about ways to improve your life. If that includes plastic surgery of course that's your choice.

I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself: it's clear you're in a difficult spot so take it easy on yourself and try to take tiny steps to improve your situation. You're working so that's a great start. Many people here are unemployed and often too depressed/messed up to get work and keep it.

You already found ways to improve your looks so with the addition of a little exercise I'm sure you'll look your best soon and this will in turn attract people.

As to the crush on someone younger than you: we don't choose who we are attracted to and aslong as he's at least 18 I really don't see a problem. Of course dating someone much younger (if he'd be into that) could raise some eyebrows but ultimately the only people that this affects are you and him.

Oh Jean Amery, thank you so much for your support! How kind of you to take your time to write to me. Yes, my long-term financial situation should theoretically improve, but any dime that comes my way I spend on my appearance. :)

Thank you for encouraging me and consoling me. Regarding my crush, he does NOT feel the same. I just wish I weren't so pathetic.

You are a cool cat, Jean. Thank you very much for reaching out to me.

 

[Jean Améry]

Oh Jean Amery, thank you so much for your support! How kind of you to take your time to write to me. Yes, my long-term financial situation should theoretically improve, but any dime that comes my way I spend on my appearance. :)

Thank you for encouraging me and consoling me. Regarding my crush, he does NOT feel the same. I just wish I weren't so pathetic.

You are a cool cat, Jean. Thank you very much for reaching out to me.

You're quite welcome. There's nothing pathetic about having a crush on someone, regardless of whether that person feels the same. For what it's worth I don't think you're ugly.

Have a nice day.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I empathize with your situation and I think it can be tough, especially for women, as they grow older. There's a certain transition away from being able to trade on your looks to having to succeed in other areas of life.

I guess the cliche advice would be to focus on fulfilling activities and fostering relationships that are important to you, rather than chasing a beauty ideal that may be out of reach and harder to maintain with each passing year. If nothing else, I feel like prioritizing your finances and being able to move out is a wiser move.

 

[Severen]

I'm going to list some realities about which I am perturbed. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, most people would say I have bigger fish to fry than the items on the following list (e.g., $30k in debt for a degree I never finished, live with my parents, recently got in car accident & said parents are angry/disappointed/not letting me drive).

Yeah, bigger fish to fry and all that shit, is completely subjective. People who try to downplay other people's problems to the point it is trivial as if it is a fact are obnoxious as hell...

I empathize with your situation and I think it can be tough, especially for women, as they grow older. There's a certain transition away from being able to trade on your looks to having to succeed in other areas of life.

Depends. Some guys start balding like there is no tomorrow... The men who don't have that problem are definitely spared from some pain. Because in this world, your appearance is important.

 

[Jean Améry]

I'm sure the 'advice' your mother gave you was meant well (at least that's what I assume) but obviously rather condescending.

Whenever my mother makes a negative comment about my appearance or life I just tell her to buzz off but I'm a man so it's probably a lot easier for me.

I do believe intelligent men will value a woman's character, her attitude, morality, humour etcetera instead of focussing on just her looks. This is plain common-sense: since you cannot possibly be intimate with her all the time you'd want more than a pretty face and an attractive body.

Plus the cliché or ideal of female beauty is exactly that: a cliché. Many women who don't meet the absurd standard society forces upon them are beautiful in their own way. Personality can be incredibly attractive/sexy aswell as unique little physical difference.

There's a girl/woman about my age with whom I have been hanging out and while she certainly isn't a classic beauty she's quite smart, well-read, well-educated, nice, funny, caring... The more I spend time with her the more I like her. To the extent we had an argument and I decided it was worth the effort of clearing it up although I still believe her reaction to what I wrote was rather over the top and irrational (reading much more into what I wrote than I meant or what it said). I believe the argument was due to the difference in communication between men and women.

 

[Alchemist]

I get the way you feel, it's terrible the feeling of reaching certain age and still depend on your parents. Society loves to make it seem as if you failed at something important if you don't have your own place after certain age.

And family members always seem to think that being related to someone means they have a free pass to put them down with word and be mean to them.

I know it's not worth much coming from someone like me, but I think you're a beautiful woman the way you are though I understand your desire to want to improve even if you look good the way you are..

 

[Onomotopoeia]

Sorry you are struggling.

If that is your pic you do not look overweight to me, none of my business either way.

The weight thing though can be fixed and honestly it's probably not as much work as you are expecting, at least it was not for me. I lost 100 lbs in a year by simply limiting/changing my carb intake. Honestly after the first few weeks it was zero effort and I really just needed the first few weeks to learn what kind of things I could do that still allowed me to eat with minimal prep/cooking and figuring out what complex carbs were and why it mattered.

I'm no health guru and im not the best person to give advice for weight loss but this was such an easy process for me I felt like I should share because while everyone is different I doubt it being easy for me is unique. Had I known it would have been that simple I would have started years ago. So just an idea that you probably have already heard, what you might not have heard is someone say it was super easy.

It's not cliche to care about how you look. Being presentable is important but like anything it can absolutely be overdone but only you can make the decision if it applies to you.

Life is hard, getting older is REALLY hard, but I think maybe you are being to hard on yourself. To some degree everyone's happiness is contingent on the people in their life or lack thereof.

We can self improve to some degree and I think everyone should strive to in whatever ways make sense for them. Struggling as a person is no reason to punish yourself though.

Good luck

 

[Orin]

I think i'm going through a mid-life crisis as well.

My main concern is i feel my body is deteriorating. Aches and pains increasing.

I used to love sports (where most of my injuries came from) and now my injuries are preventing me from even walking sometimes. It's due to my stupidity i guess (and pride). I shouldn't have engaged in such extreme sports. If i could turn back time i would have limited myself to just normal, moderate exercise.

Just wanted to share my situation and to let you know you're not alone.

 

[azucaramargo]

I empathize with your situation and I think it can be tough, especially for women, as they grow older. There's a certain transition away from being able to trade on your looks to having to succeed in other areas of life.

I guess the cliche advice would be to focus on fulfilling activities and fostering relationships that are important to you, rather than chasing a beauty ideal that may be out of reach and harder to maintain with each passing year. If nothing else, I feel like prioritizing your finances and being able to move out is a wiser move.

Thank you, AFFU! I remember a post you wrote about how annoyed you were when women traded on their looks. It was a good post, and made a lot of salient points. I've never been able to coast on my looks alone, but I am grateful to you for sharing your perspective on this. It's nice to know that some men expect more from women than good looks.

 

[Alchemist]

Thank you, AFFU! I remember a post you wrote about how annoyed you were when women traded on their looks. It was a good post, and made a lot of salient points. I've never been able to coast on my looks alone, but I am grateful to you for sharing your perspective on this. It's nice to know that some men expect more from women than good looks.

Looks might be pleasing for the sight, but they are useless if not backed out with good qualities. What good is a fine chinese vase if it's filled with garbage. Would anyone think less of a garbage bag if it's filled with gold and jewels? Same happens with people, is better to find people who are pretty on the inside, that you can connect with them, looks notwithstanding.

 

[PatKat]

All the people I admire on this site never post such nonsequitur, self-serving let-it-all-hang-out threads. But. I was hoping that I might vent to you all, my dear SS friends, and experience some relief.

I'm going to list some realities about which I am perturbed. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, most people would say I have bigger fish to fry than the items on the following list (e.g., $30k in debt for a degree I never finished, live with my parents, recently got in car accident & said parents are angry/disappointed/not letting me drive).

But, since I've never really been good at big-picture, long-term planning, here are the issues that are plaguing me at present:

-My ugly-ass, bloated, square-faced picture on my ID-badge photo for work that looks like a down-trodden version of my driver's-license picture of 6 years ago

-I have a hair appointment tomorrow that I can't effing afford, and will therefore have to cancel.

-I can't afford this upper-eyelid-lift (i.e., blepharoplasty) that would drastically improve my appearance.

-I can't afford the Botox that I once enjoyed (during unhealthy/mercenary romantic relationships of yore).

-I have not been able to exhibit the consistency/discipline/self-regulation required to lose any effing weight. So, I hate the way my body looks, but I don't do s&it about it.

-I love a kid 1/2 my age, and wish I were rich enough to be a cougar, so I could at least buy his love. The attention this kid sporadically pays me feels amazing. And I'm depressed/embarrassed to have such ridiculous feelings.

-My mom encouraged me to only bring "sections" of a submarine sandwich with me to work (rather than the whole sub). Just pissed me off. I know I'm effing fat.

-Seems like the easiest effing thing to do would confront my weight/fitness issues and make a change, but have I done anything about that? Noooooooo! I admire these people that never seem to put on any weight--despite aging and life stresses and pregnancies. WTF?!?

-As I lose my looks with age, I am realizing what a lonely future lies in front of me. So, that bothers me for two reasons: A) Fewer people will want to be around me, help me, listen to me, love me. B) For happiness and a sense of well-being, I am still so dependent on superficial attention. Like, I haven't built a career to fulfill me and spark people's interest/admiration in me in the autumn of my life.

-My neuroses seem to alienate me even more than before. I can't attract the people I want to attract.

-I hate my slumped shoulders and paunchy gut that are totally effing within my control to fix, but I just haven't.

Everyone ages. Everyone loses his/her/ looks. I hate myself for having these cliché concerns. I hate that I have given up. Hate that my happiness/sense of self is so heavily contingent on others' approval/affection. Hate that I can't seem to hold on to friendships/relationships. Thank you for letting me vent. I feel a little better.

This world isnt about caring it's about what you can pay, and if you cant they wont help you is my experience. They will pretend to care if you pay, and show you their true self if you can't. I'm sorry you are in pain I am going through something similar unable to afford doctors. I have a nasty tracheotomy scar that I have wanted to get fixed for 10 years. :( I am trying to hang in there my very best.

 

[not_a_robot]

All the people I admire on this site never post such nonsequitur, self-serving let-it-all-hang-out threads. But. I was hoping that I might vent to you all, my dear SS friends, and experience some relief.

I'm going to list some realities about which I am perturbed. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, most people would say I have bigger fish to fry than the items on the following list (e.g., $30k in debt for a degree I never finished, live with my parents, recently got in car accident & said parents are angry/disappointed/not letting me drive).

But, since I've never really been good at big-picture, long-term planning, here are the issues that are plaguing me at present:

-My ugly-ass, bloated, square-faced picture on my ID-badge photo for work that looks like a down-trodden version of my driver's-license picture of 6 years ago

-I have a hair appointment tomorrow that I can't effing afford, and will therefore have to cancel.

-I can't afford this upper-eyelid-lift (i.e., blepharoplasty) that would drastically improve my appearance.

-I can't afford the Botox that I once enjoyed (during unhealthy/mercenary romantic relationships of yore).

-I have not been able to exhibit the consistency/discipline/self-regulation required to lose any effing weight. So, I hate the way my body looks, but I don't do s&it about it.

-I love a kid 1/2 my age, and wish I were rich enough to be a cougar, so I could at least buy his love. The attention this kid sporadically pays me feels amazing. And I'm depressed/embarrassed to have such ridiculous feelings.

-My mom encouraged me to only bring "sections" of a submarine sandwich with me to work (rather than the whole sub). Just pissed me off. I know I'm effing fat.

-Seems like the easiest effing thing to do would confront my weight/fitness issues and make a change, but have I done anything about that? Noooooooo! I admire these people that never seem to put on any weight--despite aging and life stresses and pregnancies. WTF?!?

-As I lose my looks with age, I am realizing what a lonely future lies in front of me. So, that bothers me for two reasons: A) Fewer people will want to be around me, help me, listen to me, love me. B) For happiness and a sense of well-being, I am still so dependent on superficial attention. Like, I haven't built a career to fulfill me and spark people's interest/admiration in me in the autumn of my life.

-My neuroses seem to alienate me even more than before. I can't attract the people I want to attract.

-I hate my slumped shoulders and paunchy gut that are totally effing within my control to fix, but I just haven't.

Everyone ages. Everyone loses his/her/ looks. I hate myself for having these cliché concerns. I hate that I have given up. Hate that my happiness/sense of self is so heavily contingent on others' approval/affection. Hate that I can't seem to hold on to friendships/relationships. Thank you for letting me vent. I feel a little better.

Awww. I experience almost all of the same issues as you, I just don't consider them to be issues, or important. Like getting old and losing my looks, I don't much give a shit about. Happens to everybody, you can either decide not to give a shit about it, sit around moping about it, or get off your ass and do something about it . Like "those people who never seem to age or gain weight"? Yeah, they do, but they are getting off their ass and doing something about it, every day, that's why they look good.

I did lol at getting giddy when young guys pay attention to you, then feeling silly for it. I resolved a couple years ago that I was done with all that, and let myself get totally fat and gross so nobody will want me, so I don't have to think about it. But once in awhile they still try, and if they are sexy enough, I turn into a stupid 12 year old with a crush, and I feel so fucking retarded.
Last night one followed home from the gas station, only 30 and FINE AS HELL! I felt so gross and old and awkward with him trying to make out with me, I haven't shaved my legs in a year, but he was so hot and funny that I didn't want him to leave either.
I felt better when he got his pants off, it was a micropenis. Made me feel less insecure about this dead cat affixed to my skull where my so-called face used to be. I was like,

"Oh, my ugly face and your tiny dick, aren't we a pair, ha ha."

The whole thing was just so uncomfortable and awful.

When I think a guy might like me, all I feel is anxiety.
When I think I'm so old and ugly no guy will ever look at me again, all I feel is relief.

I empathize with your situation and I think it can be tough, especially for women, as they grow older. There's a certain transition away from being able to trade on your looks to having to succeed in other areas of life.

I guess the cliche advice would be to focus on fulfilling activities and fostering relationships that are important to you, rather than chasing a beauty ideal that may be out of reach and harder to maintain with each passing year. If nothing else, I feel like prioritizing your finances and being able to move out is a wiser move.

AHEM.
Not all women "trade on their looks".
For many of us, our good looks and youth are nothing but a burden that causes men to pursue us and hassle us for sex. Men would chase pussy regardless of whether women "traded" on it or not. The women who "trade" on their sex appeal are just the smart ones who, having sadly realized that men will pursue sex with us whether we welcome it or not, decide to be shrewd and use it to our advantage. I was never half as interested in "trading" anything with men as they were with me, but since their constant drooling, piggish attention was unavoidable, you can bet your sweet ass I took financial advantage of it when it suited me, and I don't feel even slightly ashamed of it.

...Actually, I do feel slightly ashamed of one thing:
I should have had the confidence to charge a lot more, but all I was ever thinking about was how quickly I could get away from them, and how to avoid them thereafter.

 

[azucaramargo]

T

I think i'm going through a mid-life crisis as well.

My main concern is i feel my body is deteriorating. Aches and pains increasing.

I used to love sports (where most of my injuries came from) and now my injuries are preventing me from even walking sometimes. It's due to my stupidity i guess (and pride). I shouldn't have engaged in such extreme sports. If i could turn back time i would have limited myself to just normal, moderate exercise.

Just wanted to share my situation and to let you know you're not alone.

Thank you so much,

You're quite welcome. There's nothing pathetic about having a crush on someone, regardless of whether that person feels the same. For what it's worth I don't think you're ugly.

Have a nice day.

Thank you, Jean.

I think i'm going through a mid-life crisis as well.

My main concern is i feel my body is deteriorating. Aches and pains increasing.

I used to love sports (where most of my injuries came from) and now my injuries are preventing me from even walking sometimes. It's due to my stupidity i guess (and pride). I shouldn't have engaged in such extreme sports. If i could turn back time i would have limited myself to just normal, moderate exercise.

Just wanted to share my situation and to let you know you're not alone.

T
Thank you so much,

Thank you, Jean.

I think i'm going through a mid-life crisis as well.

My main concern is i feel my body is deteriorating. Aches and pains increasing.

I used to love sports (where most of my injuries came from) and now my injuries are preventing me from even walking sometimes. It's due to my stupidity i guess (and pride). I shouldn't have engaged in such extreme sports. If i could turn back time i would have limited myself to just normal, moderate exercise.

Just wanted to share my situation and to let you know you're not alone.

Thank you for commiserating with me, Orin. I was once an athlete, too. Not as serious as you, it seems. It's a shame that you regret having taken part in the extreme sports that you once enjoyed. Are you able to see a physical therapist? Is swimming painful, too? (This from someone who hasn't seen the inside of a gym since February). I feel bad that sports and exercise now feel off-limits to you. I waffle between accepting the decline of my body and getting angry at myself for not fighting harder to stay fit--despite aging.

I hope we both find some way to feel better about ourselves. Thank you so much for reaching out to let me know that you, too, struggle to accept the aging process. I am very grateful to you.

 

[not_a_robot]

T
Thank you so much,

Thank you, Jean.



Thank you for commiserating with me, Orin. I was once an athlete, too. Not as serious as you, it seems. It's a shame that you regret having taken part in the extreme sports that you once enjoyed. Are you able to see a physical therapist? Is swimming painful, too? (This from someone who hasn't seen the inside of a gym since February). I feel bad that sports and exercise now feel off-limits to you. I waffle between accepting the decline of my body and getting angry at myself for not fighting harder to stay fit--despite aging.

I hope we both find some way to feel better about ourselves. Thank you so much for reaching out to let me know that you, too, struggle to accept the aging process. I am very grateful to you.

You're welcome.

 

[azucaramargo]

Yeah, bigger fish to fry and all that shit, is completely subjective. People who try to downplay other people's problems to the point it is trivial as if it is a fact are obnoxious as hell...

Depends. Some guys start balding like there is no tomorrow... The men who don't have that problem are definitely spared from some pain. Because in this world, your appearance is important.

Thank you for your support, Severen, about ignoring my more serious problems so I can focus on the more superficial of my problems. I agree that men are not immune to the indignities of aging -- and being judged on their appearances. I so enjoy your posts that I was really flattered that you took the time to weigh in on my rants, and provide your input. Thank you.

I'm sure the 'advice' your mother gave you was meant well (at least that's what I assume) but obviously rather condescending.

Whenever my mother makes a negative comment about my appearance or life I just tell her to buzz off but I'm a man so it's probably a lot easier for me.

I do believe intelligent men will value a woman's character, her attitude, morality, humour etcetera instead of focussing on just her looks. This is plain common-sense: since you cannot possibly be intimate with her all the time you'd want more than a pretty face and an attractive body.

Plus the cliché or ideal of female beauty is exactly that: a cliché. Many women who don't meet the absurd standard society forces upon them are beautiful in their own way. Personality can be incredibly attractive/sexy aswell as unique little physical difference.

There's a girl/woman about my age with whom I have been hanging out and while she certainly isn't a classic beauty she's quite smart, well-read, well-educated, nice, funny, caring... The more I spend time with her the more I like her. To the extent we had an argument and I decided it was worth the effort of clearing it up although I still believe her reaction to what I wrote was rather over the top and irrational (reading much more into what I wrote than I meant or what it said). I believe the argument was due to the difference in communication between men and women.

Thanks again, Jean. I was so happy to hear that you saw fit to work through the recent argument with your woman friend. The way you described your attraction to her is very touching. Glad there are men like you in this world.

 

[azucaramargo]

Awww. I experience almost all of the same issues as you, I just don't consider them to be issues, or important. Like getting old and losing my looks, I don't much give a shit about. Happens to everybody, you can either decide not to give a shit about it, sit around moping about it, or get off your ass and do something about it . Like "those people who never seem to age or gain weight"? Yeah, they do, but they are getting off their ass and doing something about it, every day, that's why they look good.

I did lol at getting giddy when young guys pay attention to you, then feeling silly for it. I resolved a couple years ago that I was done with all that, and let myself get totally fat and gross so nobody will want me, so I don't have to think about it. But once in awhile they still try, and if they are sexy enough, I turn into a stupid 12 year old with a crush, and I feel so fucking retarded.
Last night one followed home from the gas station, only 30 and FINE AS HELL! I felt so gross and old and awkward with him trying to make out with me, I haven't shaved my legs in a year, but he was so hot and funny that I didn't want him to leave either.
I felt better when he got his pants off, it was a micropenis. Made me feel less insecure about this dead cat affixed to my skull where my so-called face used to be. I was like,

"Oh, my ugly face and your tiny dick, aren't we a pair, ha ha."

The whole thing was just so uncomfortable and awful.

When I think a guy might like me, all I feel is anxiety.
When I think I'm so old and ugly no guy will ever look at me again, all I feel is relief.

AHEM.
Not all women "trade on their looks".
For many of us, our good looks and youth are nothing but a burden that causes men to pursue us and hassle us for sex. Men would chase pussy regardless of whether women "traded" on it or not. The women who "trade" on their sex appeal are just the smart ones who, having sadly realized that men will pursue sex with us whether we welcome it or not, decide to be shrewd and use it to our advantage. I was never half as interested in "trading" anything with men as they were with me, but since their constant drooling, piggish attention was unavoidable, you can bet your sweet ass I took financial advantage of it when it suited me, and I don't feel even slightly ashamed of it.

...Actually, I do feel slightly ashamed of one thing:
I should have had the confidence to charge a lot more, but all I was ever thinking about was how quickly I could get away from them, and how to avoid them thereafter.

Not_a_Robot, THANK you! You are right, the people who "don't seem to gain any weight" are actually taking the reins, and not feeling sorry for themselves. You did a great job describing the details of the recent romantic encounter you experienced. It seems like the encounter started out so well -- with your not wanting him to leave. I don't understand why it became awkward and awful.

From your response to women trading on their looks, I can tell that you were lucky to be born with natural good looks. I hate to read you criticize your appearance so; you know I can relate to this, so I'm not judging, but I feel that your cruelty to yourself is a result of depression. I really do hope I CAN stop feeling sorry for myself. I also relate to what you wrote about the conscious decision to kind of give up on my appearance as a defense mechanism against disappointing romantic entanglements. I never got so much attention from men that my appearance was a "cross to bear." In fact, that's a problem I would LOVE to have. It's a difficult cycle to break -- being in the frame of mind of having given up on oneself. Cookies and cake are reliably delicious, whereas the attention/touch of a man is fleeting and elusive. I would love to have beauty as "my cross to bear."

That is so baller that you still get hit on even when you don't shave your legs. I would love to have that kind of power. Thank you also for sharing your experiences mixing finance and romance -- I sometimes feel so lonely and freakish about my experiences doing the same. Thank you also for telling me about how you feel when you start liking one of the guys who pursues you. I crave romantic attention, but also feel awkward and ill-equipped to I receive it and be cool in the midst of it. But, who am I kidding, romantic attention is my drug. Thank you for your honest and generous response to my post.

This world isnt about caring it's about what you can pay, and if you cant they wont help you is my experience. They will pretend to care if you pay, and show you their true self if you can't. I'm sorry you are in pain I am going through something similar unable to afford doctors. I have a nasty tracheotomy scar that I have wanted to get fixed for 10 years. :( I am trying to hang in there my very best.

Thank you, PatKat. I feel the same -- the power of money can solve so many of life's problems and improve the way in which people treat you --medical professionals and others.
I hope we can each get the surgeries we want, and feel ok in the meantime.

 

[not_a_robot]

men's sexual interest is often extremely manipulative and destructive; it's a cross you only think you would love to bear until it happened. You know why there's a stereotype that "all beautiful women are crazy"? If they are its from the constant manipulation by men trying to "trick" them into sex.
They can't trust anybody. I'm over it.

 

[azucaramargo]

Sorry you are struggling.

If that is your pic you do not look overweight to me, none of my business either way.

The weight thing though can be fixed and honestly it's probably not as much work as you are expecting, at least it was not for me. I lost 100 lbs in a year by simply limiting/changing my carb intake. Honestly after the first few weeks it was zero effort and I really just needed the first few weeks to learn what kind of things I could do that still allowed me to eat with minimal prep/cooking and figuring out what complex carbs were and why it mattered.

I'm no health guru and im not the best person to give advice for weight loss but this was such an easy process for me I felt like I should share because while everyone is different I doubt it being easy for me is unique. Had I known it would have been that simple I would have started years ago. So just an idea that you probably have already heard, what you might not have heard is someone say it was super easy.

It's not cliche to care about how you look. Being presentable is important but like anything it can absolutely be overdone but only you can make the decision if it applies to you.

Life is hard, getting older is REALLY hard, but I think maybe you are being to hard on yourself. To some degree everyone's happiness is contingent on the people in their life or lack thereof.

We can self improve to some degree and I think everyone should strive to in whatever ways make sense for them. Struggling as a person is no reason to punish yourself though.

Good luck

Onomotopoeia, thank you so much! Thank you so much for your encouragement about weight loss. I am so proud of you for losing 100 lbs in a year! That is a triumph! I would feel so proud to accomplish a feat like that. Also, thank you for empathizing with the importance I place on relationships. What an incredibly articulate and heartfelt response! I am so honored that you took the time to reach out to me, a fellow SS'er, in my hour of need. Thank you, Dear Friend.

 

[Jean Améry]

men's sexual interest is often extremely manipulative and destructive; it's a cross you only think you would love to bear until it happened. You know why there's a stereotype that "all beautiful women are crazy"? If they are its from the constant manipulation by men trying to "trick" them into sex.
They can't trust anybody. I'm over it.

It seems you have an extremely negative view of men in general. I can only speak for myself but I don't manipulate women into having sex with me let alone wanting to cause them harm in some way. In fact I haven't had sex in years.

I do believe the stereotype of 'crazy women' is nefarious and untrue. Men and women are just different and hence it's sometimes difficult to understand one-another clearly. Open communication is the only way forward as was the case with me and this lady friend.

There are good and bad women as there are good and bad men. Lets leave it at that. I don't subscribe to stereotypes and always try to honestly evaluate the person I'm dealing with. Male or female.

 

[Severen]

men's sexual interest is often extremely manipulative and destructive; it's a cross you only think you would love to bear until it happened. You know why there's a stereotype that "all beautiful women are crazy"? If they are its from the constant manipulation by men trying to "trick" them into sex.
They can't trust anybody. I'm over it.

Yeah, there is an entire industry dedicated to teaching men how to trick women into sex.