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VampQueen

VampQueen

Forklift Certified
Feb 6, 2024
114
I don't see a(n) (open) thread about this topic so I wanted to make one.

I've only had Female therapist and only 1 male therapist. The one male therapist I had was a group therapist, which feels vastly different from a therapist that does one on one sessions. I'm a little apprehensive to ever willingly chose a male therapist.
In my life, a lot of the male "role-models" - if you can even call them that- are not open-minded and are mentally abusive or dismissive towards my feelings and personality. I guess that comes with the territory of living in the southern part of the States.

What has been your experience with different genders of therapists? Do you have a gender preference?

I want to keep this thread open for everybody, please no rude or dismissive comments to each other.
 
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LocalAngel

LocalAngel

Lost, wanting out.
Feb 7, 2023
214
I'm biased because i'm a trans girl, but uh... female therapists are often more understanding and (outwardly) non-judgemental.
 
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VampQueen

VampQueen

Forklift Certified
Feb 6, 2024
114
I'm biased because i'm a trans girl, but uh... female therapists are often more understanding and (outwardly) non-judgemental.
I'm just scared of men. I could say a lot more but it all points to that.
 
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lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
the handful of men in the field ive talked to have often seemd dismissive or like i wasnt actually their focus when talking to me. i couldnt do well with a male therapist i really liked because ive always sought approval and validation from men due to my family being a neglectful mess. id likely be scared to open up honestly out of some fear of rejection or id start trying to impress him or some other sadsack insecure maneuver. i can have a similar but different problem with women if they come off as "mom-ish" towards me (ive sought surrogate moms my whole life). my current therapist is around my age and i can talk to her about my suicidal thoughts without her reporting it or acting like im doing anything wrong and shes been great
 
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VampQueen

VampQueen

Forklift Certified
Feb 6, 2024
114
the handful of men in the field ive talked to have often seemd dismissive or like i wasnt actually their focus when talking to me. i couldnt do well with a male therapist i really liked because ive always sought approval and validation from men due to my family being a neglectful mess. id likely be scared to open up honestly out of some fear of rejection or id start trying to impress him or some other sadsack insecure maneuver. i can have a similar but different problem with women if they come off as "mom-ish" towards me (ive sought surrogate moms my whole life). my current therapist is around my age and i can talk to her about my suicidal thoughts without her reporting it or acting like im doing anything wrong and shes been great
I'm so happy for you for having a therapist that matches well with you. Being threatened with admission to a psych ward isnt fun and is honestly intimidating and drives me away from being honest and not getting the most out of therapy.
 
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lita-lassi

lita-lassi

let me spell it out for you: go to hell
Sep 25, 2023
537
thankfully theres more out there now that understand how detrimental it is to have the threat of admission over someones head and will subtly tell their patients they can speak freely without repercussion and i hope its a trend that continues
 
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M

MyTimeIsUp

I often wonder if there is an afterlife, do you?
Feb 27, 2024
79
I've only ever had one male therapist (I'm female) and it was really hard for me, because most of my trauma came from men. However, I gave it a go, because it was on the NHS, and I was in such a bad place, I couldn't wait any longer.

Turns out, he's the best therapist I've ever had. Seriously. He specialised in trauma, and the particular trauma I've been through. I had seen previous therapists for it (even paid for one!), and I found it easier and easier to open up to him, but I had to force myself, because it was that or wait longer. He is literally the person that taught me physical boundaries, like, visually (as I'm a visual person, and he is a visual therapist).

But honestly, he was so easy to talk to. He taught me so much, and I'd definitely have him again. He really listened to me, and validated my feelings. I've never felt so listened to or validated before.

Unfortunately, the NHS don't offer long term so we had to end after a measly few months of weekly sessions.

I miss him, even though it's been 7 months since our sessions have ended, and after our follow up, he said I can ask for him again, when I'm referred back (when stable enough). I definitely wouldn't pick a male therapist again, only him. He's the only male I'd trust, in that environment.

Personally, I would say to give it a go. If it doesn't work, you'll know really quickly, so you can just move on to a different one.

Hope it goes well
 
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AmericanMary

AmericanMary

Arcanist
Apr 30, 2024
438
The first therapist I ever had was like a 60 year old white man. Horrible experience. He invalidate me in so many ways. He made comments on my physical appearance. I wrote off therapy for years.

Then I started only seeing female therapists that are involved in lgbt & BIPOC communities. I am very picky about my therapist now. But this is who I not only feel more comfortable with, but tend to give a different approach to it all.
 
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ferrie

ferrie

she/they
May 19, 2024
401
I'm too uncomfortable with men after my SA to have a male therapist. Even male psychiatrists have been very invalidating and try to chalk my issues just up to anxiety. This may be a bit off topic, but I've found that older female therapists can be very invalidating too, especially if they're white. I've had the best luck with female therapists that are close to my age because they tend to have more empathy for my situation and understand queer issues more. I think younger & female therapists also tend to be more up to date on current research. Men are more likely to act like they just know everything
 
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Eternal Eyes

Eternal Eyes

UK. Feel free to PM me.
Dec 3, 2023
56
I'm a male and I've only ever had female therapists. I've had four in total, two of which were pretty crap people (one was openly abusive to me), the other two probably saved my life tbh. I didn't choose them based on gender, I'm not sure about the rest of the world, but where I live therapy and even healthcare in general is a job where men seem fairly uncommon.

I have often wondered if a male therapist would be better for me, but I'm not too sure. I find it harder to discuss my mental issues with men I know opposed to women.
 
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Kasumi

Kasumi

tired
Mar 3, 2023
493
I never had a male therapist but I once went to a male psychologist for a one time thing, he was,.. professional, asked the necessary questions directly and gave me what I needed.
Still as a longer thing as in therapy, I don't think I'd feel comfortable enough to open up to a male therapist. even female ones, or just non-friend people in general, it's hard for me to trust them enough.

It might be different if my dad was part of my life, but this way there wasn't really any decent male figure in my life so far, so I feel pretty uncomfortable around men.
The only exception would be my grandpa, but I feel like grandparents fall into a different category alltogether lol.
 
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İnilerim

İnilerim

Member
Dec 28, 2018
49
My overall impression with male therapists is that they can get overly emotional. I prefer female specialists because from my experience so far they're colder, more distant and neutral even when it comes to heavy stuff, which is exactly the approach I need.
 
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