Venting Gender dysphoria and general negative views on the future

[jajajamielee]

Pride month came and went. I finally got a gender affirming haircut and have been perceived as male on several occasions now. But I don't feel happy. I feel no pride. I don't feel happy about being who I am, and even though it's made me happy to finally look more like the gender I identify as, it also makes me feel worse.

I doubt I'll ever be able to afford top surgery and I'll be stuck in a binder my whole life. I doubt anyone will want to date a mentally ill loser like me who still pretty much looks like a girl. Yes, that's me in the pfp. Like holy fuck I can't even find anyone who is chill with me having OSDD or can even be appropriate about it unless it's another system.

I just don't see myself feeling happier even when I get out of this abusive household. Anyway yeah here's my yearly appearance I guess. I turn 20 in a few days. Happy fucking birthday to me.

 

[EternalShore]

at least, you got gendered correctly some~ :) That is very good~ altho, yeahhh, I see what you're saying~ :( being trans is such an awful experience that I wouldn't wish on anybody~ >_< and so expensive too~ :((( I hope you find someone willing to and are able to further progress in looking more masculine as well~ Everyone should have someone who truly loves and cares for them~ :)

anyways, happy birthday, jajajamielee~ I wish you the best in whatever you choose~ gender dysphoria is just awful~ :(

 

[iguazo falls]

from one trans guy to another, im wishing you the best of luck, and more luck to at least get out of your household. i understand how you feel, its rarely all sunshine and "euphoria" etc its very hard, especially when you don't have access to hrt/surgery, in a hostile country, and have shit parents. it feels like obstacle after obstacle to overcome. i promise you though theres people who will like you for you and be happy to see you become yourself. happy birthday and i'm sorry you are in this situation, i understand feeling really suicidal about it all.