Funny question on a serious topic: what's your silliest attempt?

[nolongerhuman]

Suicide via taking the Eucharist while still having unrepentant sin. Was like 14 and still believed it enough for this to be at least somewhat sincere. The smoting did not commence (yes, my church taught you might die if you did this)

 

[Lady black]

With 13 sitting in the cold rain hoping to get suck and die from it

 

[TessB]

Aspirin overdose. Stomach pumps are not fun

 

[Silver]

Two boxes of ibuprofen and alcohol, it wasn't a deliberate attempt, I just didn't care whether I lived or died. As I had previously taken smaller ibuprofen ODs that hadn't killed me, I should have known better.

 

[Last chance]

Ate shit mixed with broken glass when I was about 5. Dont think it was an attempt but its a great story to tell on dates.

 

[LakatosDiogenesz]

it was my first one, hitting myself in the face repeatedly at the age of 4-6(?), thinking it would be like a video game where you die if you get hit enough times

 

[Mara09]

Pretty sure deep down I knew it wouldn't work, but I was desperate and tried strangling myself with some hairband-thingy. Like I'd just twist it really tightly around my neck and go to bed and hope I would die in my sleep lmao pretty dumb.
Another time I read that someone hung themselves on their door handle, so I tried to recreate that but failed rather miserably. Still feel if I would've done more research I might've been able to pull it off, though, so I'm just very mad at past me for failing.

 

[Lmd]

I tried to stab myself with a knife. Also the typical things like holding my breath, cutting my veins, causing a heart attack, trying to get someone to kill me, overdosing pills, throwing myself from """high""" places. I wasn't serious with most of them, but I almost got the heart attack and the pills.I was screwed for a week by the pills without being able to eat anything and almost without existing so I will not repeat for sure.

 

[disabledsuicidegirl]

holding my breath or trying to smother myself with a pillow lol

 

[fixitinpost]

Starvation. Wandered off some 40 kms from home and decided to keep walking until I would pass out and die. That lasted for two days until the sleep deprivation became really uncomfortable and my feet were bleeding. So I got to a bus station and rode home to my sister.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I'll start!
When I was about 13 I thought I could just hold my breath until I die. I tried to but of course I had to take a breath at one point, interpreted it as a strong sign of an uncounscience will to live back then which gave me a surprising amount of new motivation to keep on living.

Joking but not joking. I think all the attempts I didn't do because I'm afraid that I'm not an "attempt" type of person and I would have just made it happen to get the hell out of here. Maybe that sounds mean. Sorry if it does.

holding my breath or trying to smother myself with a pillow lol

You know you can duct tape a pillow over yourself and it would be almost like night night or partial/full? It would be tuff but any method that ends in CTB is still a method that worked 100% of the time that one time.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Embarrassing af since I was twenty or something but I slashed a forearm and stabbed my thigh, thinking that there was some chance of bleeding out without any real effort. Was on some pills and very emotional at the time, in my defence.

 

[Fthis]

Suicide via taking the Eucharist while still having unrepentant sin. Was like 14 and still believed it enough for this to be at least somewhat sincere. The smoting did not commence (yes, my church taught you might die if you did this)

I did think about doing this....

 

[Lucien]

I just fantasized that I'd get my throat slit by robbers. Walked through seedy areas more often for a while. This was probably around the second year of high school.

I did get robbed at knife point eventually. Though this happened fairly close to home. I was definitely not seeking it out that night. Genuinely thought it was a prank at first.

 

[Pisceslilith]

At 15 I tried to strangle myself with my laptop charger wire and at 16 I tried the same thing with my iPhone charger wire. I knew it wouldn't work but I tried anyways. Dumb af I know. I can't even take myself seriously whenever I say "I attempted".

 

[Umbreon]

I can think of a couple. There was this one time I ate uranium ore.
There's also the one where I tried to electrocute myself, it just made my arms spasm.

How did the uranium ore attempt turn out, like how'd it feel I mean

 

[Xaxysh]

When I was an edgy teen I thought I could ctb by holding my breath under the sheets LMAO

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

When I was an edgy teen I thought I could ctb by holding my breath under the sheets LMAO

Lol I've also done that xD

 

[watchingthewheels]

I'll start!
When I was about 13 I thought I could just hold my breath until I die. I tried to but of course I had to take a breath at one point, interpreted it as a strong sign of an uncounscience will to live back then which gave me a surprising amount of new motivation to keep on living.

Lol, I was just going to post the same thing, except that I was 8 years old. (I can laugh about it...now...)

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

kiss my covid infected sister

try and suffocate myself with a pillow

try to strangle myself with a fluffy bathrobe belt

hold breath under blanket

I'm stupid yet so desperate.
It's so easy to suffer yet so hard to exit.

 

[Toptock]

When I was 16 I braided a bunch of fishing wire together into a noose. When I tried to hang myself with it, my fat ass broke the line.

 

[SimplyMe]

When I was 7 I tried stabbing myself with a pencil... it wasn't even sharpened *facepalm

 

[boydiablo]

Took a shot at slitting my wrist with an old pocket knife when I was 13 or so. Had no idea what I was doing and eventually realized I wasn't getting anywhere. When my parents asked about it I claimed I'd somehow slipped (on a carpeted floor) and cut myself on the (not at all sharp) radiator. Shockingly they did not ask further questions

 

[Hirokami]

I tried to cut myself with a butter knife when I was much younger, thinking I'd actually make an impact lol. Didn't help that it was dull.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

When I was 9 or 10, I tried hanging myself on a double robe hook to save myself from a belt spanking. I ended up breaking the hook.

When I was 16 I braided a bunch of fishing wire together into a noose. When I tried to hang myself with it, my fat ass broke the line.

Did your neck get cut from it being so thin???

 

[Sans]

Did your parents ever tell you when you were growing up to not eat food off the floor because it could have bacteria on it or whatever?

Well, I'm not sure if you could call this an attempt, but I do exactly that in the hopes of getting some sort of infection.

 

[GarageKarate07]

L

Did your parents ever tell you when you were growing up to not eat food off the floor because it could have bacteria on it or whatever?

Well, I'm not sure if you could call this an attempt, but I do exactly that in the hopes of getting some sort of infection.

LOL when I was in the service I ate stuff off the ground all the time. With all those people there was candy and chips all over the place that was "fresh" enough to not get sick. I thought it was funny as hell. I would gently push a buddy to the side so he didnt step on a perfectly good M&M and they would be like "What are you doing!?". I'm like "I found a candy!". Sigh. Funny as hell.

 

[RedRumThisLoser]

I tried chain-smoking a lot of filtered cigars and drinking like 6 or 7 diet cokes as fast I could hoping there was some slight chance that I would have a heart attack from all the nicotine and caffeine. Pretty stupid but my excuse is that I was withdrawing from an antipsychotic.

 

[Trisolaris]

Trying to suffocate myself with a belt held by a door. Trying to stab myself with a knife.

 

[Spitfire]

A serious answer to a funny topic; true story,

I was to be a 'bear' with a 'tail' when I was 5 years old. It did not matter they told me ring "bearer" and tuxedo with a "tail" did not mean that I had to be the animal of a bear... I still wanted to though, so I pretended a little and it got real!

At 5 years old, before getting dressed for the wedding I sat next to my Mom on the sofa and quietly placed a plastic bag over my head, and just sat there not saying anything, because I heard from somewhere it was dangerous to accidentally cause or even on purpose a person would die, if not careful...

I told my Mom that I "was not being careful", when she asked, so I guess I almost forgot about it?

I lived though, obviously, because I am still alive today. She let me sit there keeping it over my head... I started to push all of the air out of the bag... She said, go ahead and "try and breath", and the bag sucked into my mouth and nose and I could not get my breath... I never removed the bag, she had to...