Venting fulfilled life purpose

[fiora]

my parents were never around when I younger, so it made me spend the vast majority of my life taking care of my sister. I always made sure everything I've done would benefit her in some way because I understood what it was like not being able to rely on anyone and never want her to experience anything like that. now my sister is about to be an adult and has scholarship money, job offers, and is going to receive her cosmetology license when she graduates this may. I'm super proud of her and on top of all of that, my mom will be getting out of prison in may as well.

even though I feel happy about what's happening for them, I can't help but feel worthless now. I promised myself once my sister can make it without me, then I have nothing to stop me from ctb and now that day is approaching. even though I want to ctb, I feel weird knowing no one will ever need me again. I took care of my mom's house, bills, paid off debts, got all her animals fixed to make things easier for my mom (while supporting with commissary lol) when she's back and made sure my sister will be successful in her future.

I prepared for this for years and I can't wait to ctb but I hate this feeling of being worthless now that I've done everything I could've. It's like I was only ever meant to be a brief side character in a chapter of my sister's life.

this isn't the reason why I want to ctb. however after having to wait for so long to be able to actually try a (hopefully successful) attempt to ctb and finally just be done with everything and knowing that I can leave with less regrets makes me feel more comfortable with it all, even with the feeling of worthlessness because in the end none of these negative feelings will matter anymore and I won't ever have to feel anything again.

 

[Install-Gentoo]

Wow, good job on all of those things. Seems like you've worked hard through hard times. I guess a small concern is that ctb might undo some of your work by distressing your sister. But maybe there's some way to mitigate that.

 

[Agon321]

After what you did, I don't think you should call yourself a worthless person.
You can be proud of yourself.
You did what I would never have had the courage to do.
Your sister is very lucky.

 

[vad]

I had an elder brother. He was concerned about my life just like you are concerned about your sister's. We didn't contact much. But he was a great brother. He died at war recently. And left basically most of the money to me. My situation is a complete opposite of yours. And yet i know i can't ever live up to anyone's expectations even with my family's help. I don't deserve life and all my attempts to change it are met with failure. So i hope you're sister will make the best of all the care that you gave her and that you will find your peace.
All i want to say in the end is that you should be proud of yourself. I just wish you will remember that you are a good sister before ctb. I hope in your last moments you will feel joy of a life well lived because you gave your sister an opportunity to become a great person.
Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

my parents were never around when I younger, so it made me spend the vast majority of my life taking care of my sister. I always made sure everything I've done would benefit her in some way because I understood what it was like not being able to rely on anyone and never want her to experience anything like that. now my sister is about to be an adult and has scholarship money, job offers, and is going to receive her cosmetology license when she graduates this may. I'm super proud of her and on top of all of that, my mom will be getting out of prison in may as well.

even though I feel happy about what's happening for them, I can't help but feel worthless now. I promised myself once my sister can make it without me, then I have nothing to stop me from ctb and now that day is approaching. even though I want to ctb, I feel weird knowing no one will ever need me again. I took care of my mom's house, bills, paid off debts, got all her animals fixed to make things easier for my mom (while supporting with commissary lol) when she's back and made sure my sister will be successful in her future.

I prepared for this for years and I can't wait to ctb but I hate this feeling of being worthless now that I've done everything I could've. It's like I was only ever meant to be a brief side character in a chapter of my sister's life.

this isn't the reason why I want to ctb. however after having to wait for so long to be able to actually try a (hopefully successful) attempt to ctb and finally just be done with everything and knowing that I can leave with less regrets makes me feel more comfortable with it all, even with the feeling of worthlessness because in the end none of these negative feelings will matter anymore and I won't ever have to feel anything again.

Your background is rough. You did a good job though. Amazing.

It's up to you so maybe give it a try - if it doesn't work then it is what it is. Maybe instead of people focus more on animals? They don't have a voice and people are pretty much shitheads. I feel better just seeing the birds take the food I've put out for them even the small ones will perch on the tree pretty close to me - I'm sure they are saying thank you because I don't have any food on me and they are flying away out of fear. I don't know give it a try. DONT whatever you do deal with people charities - I've already done a thread on this - it's all crap and resource hoarding for the top people and no research for the "cause".