Story Fucked Up With a Friend

[BraindeadBasil]

I was talking to a very close friend of mine today about a bunch of random shit. We were both drunk and tired (I'm still a little drunk, to be honest) and somehow the conversation moved to one about death, when I just kind of casually asked, "If you could choose, how would you want to die?" They answered, "In my sleep." so nonchalantly that I felt kind of, like, weird about my own thoughts? And so I just kind of shrugged it off and tried to move the conversation along, but eventually I was unable to keep stalling and had to answer the question myself because they kept prodding. The problem is, I listed multiple, very specific methods, because my filter was kind of not on all the way, and they freaked the hell out, gave a hurried goodbye, and ended the call we were in without waiting for a response.

It's been a couple hours now, and I've seen them talking to other mutual friends in the meantime (they are rn, actually), but haven't responded to texts and have been ignoring me in public groupchats. I know I upset them, and I want to apologize and reassure them, but honestly I'm not sure how to go about it with them acting the way they are right now. We've talked about similar stuff in the past, and I've never really had to be all that careful about any kind of topic with them before, so it feels so fuckin' alien to have made them so uncomfortable about something.

I dunno where I was goin' with this, really. Just needed to get this out there because it's so weirdly distressing for some reason. I'm a little worried they think I'm gonna off myself (which I have thoughts about but no intention of doing just yet) and they're gonna tell someone. One of my worst fears is getting thrown in a psych ward, so it's nagging me quite a bit.

Anyway. If you took the time to read all this, I hope your day/evening/whatever has been going well. Take care.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I was talking to a very close friend of mine today about a bunch of random shit. We were both drunk and tired (I'm still a little drunk, to be honest) and somehow the conversation moved to one about death, when I just kind of casually asked, "If you could choose, how would you want to die?" They answered, "In my sleep." so nonchalantly that I felt kind of, like, weird about my own thoughts? And so I just kind of shrugged it off and tried to move the conversation along, but eventually I was unable to keep stalling and had to answer the question myself because they kept prodding. The problem is, I listed multiple, very specific methods, because my filter was kind of not on all the way, and they freaked the hell out, gave a hurried goodbye, and ended the call we were in without waiting for a response.

It's been a couple hours now, and I've seen them talking to other mutual friends in the meantime (they are rn, actually), but haven't responded to texts and have been ignoring me in public groupchats. I know I upset them, and I want to apologize and reassure them, but honestly I'm not sure how to go about it with them acting the way they are right now. We've talked about similar stuff in the past, and I've never really had to be all that careful about any kind of topic with them before, so it feels so fuckin' alien to have made them so uncomfortable about something.

I dunno where I was goin' with this, really. Just needed to get this out there because it's so weirdly distressing for some reason. I'm a little worried they think I'm gonna off myself (which I have thoughts about but no intention of doing just yet) and they're gonna tell someone. One of my worst fears is getting thrown in a psych ward, so it's nagging me quite a bit.

Anyway. If you took the time to read all this, I hope your day/evening/whatever has been going well. Take care.

Yeah that's a tough situation. Maybe they just got a little worried and they needed someone to talk to about it. Hopefully they understand and they don't tell too many people. It's just such a taboo topic that a lot of people don't know how to respond.

I hope it goes okay though!

 

[finnn]

They probably are just worried, and needed time to think, although it wasn't ok for them to ignore you when in times like these the best thing is support, you should prob just give them time and hopefully they'll give you an explanation. I'm wishing you the best of luck!

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, it certainly is such a terrible idea being so open about wanting to die as there are so many in this world who refuse to see suicide as being a rational solution and they don't even try to understand. I hate how we exist in a world where so many are against the right to die and I also hate how this subject cannot be discussed openly without all of the stigma but it's just the way that things are in this pro suffering world where people are so blinded by their delusional beliefs. I hope that you don't end up in a psych ward as those places just sound like horrific prisons to me that just cause people to suffer more.

 

[SadNights]

I can understand why your friend would be freaked out. They probably just care about you and it shocked them to realize how much thought you already invested into the subject. Although I will say it is sort of odd that their first instinct was to flee and ignore you. If I were in their shoes, I would probably be concerned and wanting to help, or at least further inquire why you think about that stuff. And worst case scenario she does end up reporting you, psych wards aren't actually too bad. I've talked to a lot of psych patients and most people are generally really friendly. They mostly tell me that it's boring and depressing being inside. Plus, they probably wouldn't hold you for long as long as you don't get aggressive for some reason. I hope that information is useful to you in case your situation ends up going that direction. Good luck!