Venting Fucked up even more

[Reflection]

I ended up divulging to my ex that I want to ctb...and well what was I expecting? Of course I got blocked....Anyway I think it officially completely gone to the gutter, I plan on going next tuesday...I just feel numb yet I so wanna cry, dont know how it got to this point....fuck

 

[PetrichorBirth]

I wish you peace. Keep in mind that it's okay to change your mind, impulsive feelings do often change (but i assume that you'd had that plan for longer).

 

[Reflection]

I wish you peace. Keep in mind that it's okay to change your mind, impulsive feelings do often change (but i assume that you'd had that plan for longer).

Yeah it's not impulsive, I thought about it for more than a year...in a way I feel more at peace with it than ever before, I mean how can such a situation be fixed at this point anyway?

 

[Emma123]

I ended up divulging to my ex that I want to ctb...and well what was I expecting? Of course I got blocked....Anyway I think it officially completely gone to the gutter, I plan on going next tuesday...I just feel numb yet I so wanna cry, dont know how it got to this point....fuck

I get how you're feeling, breakups can be hard, I got in a similar situation and they also blocked me. The point is that everything we do doesn't really matter in the end, people like them don't care about us wether we live or die, the world to them will keep spinning and tbh same goes for all the people in our lives. The truth is that humans are the most selfish, entitled, egocentric and evil beings on the planet: you want to cbt? Do it, people won't care, you don't want to cbt? Then don't do it, it doesn't change anything to them anyways.

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is such a cruel existence to me where there's all this suffering, I'm sorry you have to suffer. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find peace.

 

[Reflection]

I get how you're feeling, breakups can be hard, I got in a similar situation and they also blocked me. The point is that everything we do doesn't really matter in the end, people like them don't care about us wether we live or die, the world to them will keep spinning and tbh same goes for all the people in our lives. The truth is that humans are the most selfish, entitled, egocentric and evil beings on the planet: you want to cbt? Do it, people won't care, you don't want to cbt? Then don't do it, it doesn't change anything to them anyways.

I feel so stupid for thinking I'll get a shred of sympathy...I actually debated whether I should tell her or not long enough because I rrally didnt want to pressure her or make her feel any guilt, but in the end I just couldnt...her response was: "you are sick" she then proceeded to tell me to never talk to her again and blocked me....I panicked and called her and she....just didnt care at all, at one point even told me "do it since it seems you've already made up your mind"....I felt numb...last thing I did was send her an email telling her that whatever happens none of it is her fault.
For some reason I feel some pressure to not end it now and I think it's guilt

 

[KillingPain267]

Only another suicidal person understands a suicidal person. Never tell non-suicidal people about your plans. They simply don't want to deal with death in their minds and either will avoid you or rat on you to have you sectioned. The only safe space is websites like this.

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

I get how you're feeling, breakups can be hard, I got in a similar situation and they also blocked me. The point is that everything we do doesn't really matter in the end, people like them don't care about us wether we live or die, the world to them will keep spinning and tbh same goes for all the people in our lives. The truth is that humans are the most selfish, entitled, egocentric and evil beings on the planet: you want to cbt? Do it, people won't care, you don't want to cbt? Then don't do it, it doesn't change anything to them anyways.

Yup. People are selfish, liars, entitled, manipulative asshats. If you want to cbt because you see this and it's killing you every day; do it. If you are doing it because you think people will show up to your grave with flowers every day; don't. You will be disappointed even in the after life. IMO.

 

[lastboyscout]

I feel so stupid for thinking I'll get a shred of sympathy...I actually debated whether I should tell her or not long enough because I rrally didnt want to pressure her or make her feel any guilt, but in the end I just couldnt...her response was: "you are sick" she then proceeded to tell me to never talk to her again and blocked me....I panicked and called her and she....just didnt care at all, at one point even told me "do it since it seems you've already made up your mind"....I felt numb...last thing I did was send her an email telling her that whatever happens none of it is her fault.
For some reason I feel some pressure to not end it now and I think it's guilt

i´ve been there bro, year of 2013, 1 month before wedding my ex left me for another dude. She was a blonde blue eye Ukranian , incredible hot, beautiful, intelligent, fun... u know perfect to my eyes.. i couldnt believe she was serious about leaving me ..she seemed to love me so much during the 3 years relationship, i always thought she would comeback but guess what .. she didnt..besides i tried everything .. That was my biggest mistake , going after her in the next 2 months.. Everytime she was rejecting me it was like stabing my heart everytime, and everytime i was going after her i was seeing things that were killing me like she seeing the other guy.. for that reasons i fucked up the rest of my life, like leaving my job at a Bank ( i was there 7 years) to move to another country Poland because i thought i would find someone simillar to her lol
i returned 1 month after , to my parents, got only employed in cheaty , low payed jobs selling door to door, started going out with a guy that introduced me to coke.. I changed to a well succeded guy that lot of my friends envied to a broke, unemployed addicted guy., My actual 3 years homework also brought me to a very lonely and unsocial life and i expect to be fired in the next week because i fucked up again

All this to tell u one of the best advices that i wish someone told me at that time: Dont u go after her for anything in the World.. Delete her messages and photos on social media. By blocking u she showed that she dont want you. u must respect that for her and mainly for u. In my case that episode brought to another and other that in the end destroyed my life

 

[Reflection]

i´ve been there bro, year of 2013, 1 month before wedding my ex left me for another dude. She was a blonde blue eye Ukranian , incredible hot, beautiful, intelligent, fun... u know perfect to my eyes.. i couldnt believe she was serious about leaving me ..she seemed to love me so much during the 3 years relationship, i always thought she would comeback but guess what .. she didnt..besides i tried everything .. That was my biggest mistake , going after her in the next 2 months.. Everytime she was rejecting me it was like stabing my heart everytime, and everytime i was going after her i was seeing things that were killing me like she seeing the other guy.. for that reasons i fucked up the rest of my life, like leaving my job at a Bank ( i was there 7 years) to move to another country Poland because i thought i would find someone simillar to her lol
i returned 1 month after , to my parents, got only employed in cheaty , low payed jobs selling door to door, started going out with a guy that introduced me to coke.. I changed to a well succeded guy that lot of my friends envied to a broke, unemployed addicted guy., My actual 3 years homework also brought me to a very lonely and unsocial life and i expect to be fired in the next week because i fucked up again

All this to tell u one of the best advices that i wish someone told me at that time: Dont u go after her for anything in the World.. Delete her messages and photos on social media. By blocking u she showed that she dont want you. u must respect that for her and mainly for u. In my case that episode brought to another and other that in the end destroyed my life

I think im well past the point of no return...the breakup happened one year ago and Ive only been feeling worse and worse ever since....I love her and that's that...I cant bear living my life knowing she'll be out there with someone else...it sucks but that's just how it is.

 

[lastboyscout]

I think im well past the point of no return...the breakup happened one year ago and Ive only been feeling worse and worse ever since....I love her and that's that...I cant bear living my life knowing she'll be out there with someone else...it sucks but that's just how it is.

i have been like that since i can remember.. i never really forgot her . i think it took 7 years to stop think about her everyday lol
i found other nice girls and in some cases i belive it didnt work because i was still thinking in her

PS: i also felt guilt because i thought it was my fault and i didnt give her attention and many other reasons that came to my mind.. that i should have done things in some other way. and things could have been different .. Imagine feeling guilt when she was cheating me with another guy in a time we were living together lol.. the human mind is a fuck
In the end , nowaday i dont know even if she exists (and better for me this way) she followed with her life , has a nice job and probably she dont even remember me if i cross with her in the street lol
Its a very cheaty feeling , believe i know, but that happens everyday to many couples around the World , we all been there, Now i see and understand that love is very overated ...

 

[Reflection]

i have been like that since i can remember.. i never really forgot her . i think it took 7 years to stop think about her everyday lol
i found other nice girls and in some cases i belive it didnt work because i was still thinking in her

PS: i also felt guilt because i thought it was my fault and i didnt give her attention and many other reasons that came to my mind.. that i should have done things in some other way. and things could have been different .. Imagine feeling guilt when she was cheating me with another guy in a time we were living together lol.. the human mind is a fuck
In the end , nowaday i dont know even if she exists (and better for me this way) she followed with her life , has a nice job and probably she dont even remember me if i cross with her in the street lol
Its a very cheating feeling , believe i know, but that happens everyday to many couples around the World and now i see that love is very overated ...

I'm really glad that you were able to find a way out, and yeah, love simply just ain't worth it these days....I wish I knew that before I met her. I just honestly dont see myself enduring this any longer...everyday waking up like shit and having my brain remind me of her every millisecond. I'm sick of it. I wish I could press a reset button in my brain and erase everything but that's not possible.

 

[lastboyscout]

I'm really glad that you were able to find a way out, and yeah, love simply just ain't worth it these days....I wish I knew that before I met her. I just honestly dont see myself enduring this any longer...everyday waking up like shit and having my brain remind me of her every millisecond. I'm sick of it. I wish I could press a reset button in my brain and erase everything but that's not possible.

yes im very familiar with that pain..
u seem to me a young guy on his 20´s .. im 47 and i would not recomend end life because of that reason .. unless u have others, one girl its not a very good reason , in my cause just showed me how i was weak.. one day those feelings disapeat and very fast if u find another a girl u like .. if u get money u will get a lot of them .. in this world thats what brings happiness in most of cases

my case it wasnt her leaving me that killed me , but the following decisions i made next to it ... leaving my 7 year job at the bank was like the final blow that i never really recovered

 

[maniac116]

 

[Reflection]

yes im very familiar with that pain..
u seem to me a young guy on his 20´s .. im 47 and i would not recomend end life because of that reason .. unless u have others, one girl its not a very good reason , in my cause just showed me how i was weak.. one day those feelings disapeat and very fast if u find another a girl u like .. if u get money u will get a lot of them .. in this world thats what brings happiness in most of cases

I dont care about money and abundance of women, thats not the kind of life I want.

 

[Reflection]

Only another suicidal person understands a suicidal person. Never tell non-suicidal people about your plans. They simply don't want to deal with death in their minds and either will avoid you or rat on you to have you sectioned. The only safe space is websites like this.

Ironically I still feel guilty that she might end up being hurt or feel guilt by my suicide when I go through with it...to think that all of this could have been solved by an ounce of compassion and a single sorry.

 

[lastboyscout]

I dont care about money and abundance of women, thats not the kind of life I want.

i dont mean abundance . i meant money opens the door to get the girl u want. for example with the money of cristiano ronaldo u could be to be with Georgina

 

[Reflection]

i dont mean abundance . i meant money opens the door to get the girl u want. for example with the money of cristiano ronaldo u could be to be with Georgina

If I have to try tbis hard to keep the woman interested in me, then Ive already lost, that's not love.