SpencerSees
I want to swim until my arms give out 🍀
- Feb 22, 2023
- 159
Yuuup another whine sesh by yours truly 
Every single day is exactly the same, I go to school when I have class, I give up on paying attention again and again, I go see a guy, I throw up a lil, I go home to rot in bed for 10 hours. And then it repeats!!! My brain is barely functional. Whenever I imagine anything somehow the most vivid memories come up only to turn into a picture like those awful prints a teacher would spread to the class. I can barely think rationally. I wouldn't call myself hypersexual just someone who knows what he's good at.
I just really truly want someone to like me fully, interests and all. I want to say I'm more than my mental illness, but these days I really am not. My body feels like a giant bag of vomit and semen, which is probably correct past the metaphorical sense too. I cannot be loved like a normal person so what's the point? I'm also super greedy so even if I was loved like that, I'd probably want more. I wish I was a dog instead. They get loved so much and they just gotta act cute. I mean I guess me too but you know, no blowjobs involved hopefully.
I can't even put it into words how much I hate myself. I'm pathetic and disgusting in the worst ways, and I'm once again whining on the suicide forum trying to get attention (I think) instead of actually going through with it.
I was a coward at 12 years old and I still am a coward now. Whenever I reach for my carotid, I just gag. I hope I won't throw up when I actually do it this month. Pissing myself will be shameful enough, thank you very much.
I had more thoughts
It just feels like something was taken from me as a kid and now I have to repeat it forever like those hipster machine art installations. And every single day I get more and more of my brain scooped out. I don't really have anything new to say. I'm not the first kid to be raped, I won't be the last. Not many insightful thoughts here, I just think there's bound to be more to life, but unfortunately I'm disgustingly mediocre at everything. I don't even want to imagine how bland I'd be if I didn't have something taboo to make my entire personality.
Every single day is exactly the same, I go to school when I have class, I give up on paying attention again and again, I go see a guy, I throw up a lil, I go home to rot in bed for 10 hours. And then it repeats!!! My brain is barely functional. Whenever I imagine anything somehow the most vivid memories come up only to turn into a picture like those awful prints a teacher would spread to the class. I can barely think rationally. I wouldn't call myself hypersexual just someone who knows what he's good at.
I just really truly want someone to like me fully, interests and all. I want to say I'm more than my mental illness, but these days I really am not. My body feels like a giant bag of vomit and semen, which is probably correct past the metaphorical sense too. I cannot be loved like a normal person so what's the point? I'm also super greedy so even if I was loved like that, I'd probably want more. I wish I was a dog instead. They get loved so much and they just gotta act cute. I mean I guess me too but you know, no blowjobs involved hopefully.
I can't even put it into words how much I hate myself. I'm pathetic and disgusting in the worst ways, and I'm once again whining on the suicide forum trying to get attention (I think) instead of actually going through with it.
I was a coward at 12 years old and I still am a coward now. Whenever I reach for my carotid, I just gag. I hope I won't throw up when I actually do it this month. Pissing myself will be shameful enough, thank you very much.
I had more thoughts
It just feels like something was taken from me as a kid and now I have to repeat it forever like those hipster machine art installations. And every single day I get more and more of my brain scooped out. I don't really have anything new to say. I'm not the first kid to be raped, I won't be the last. Not many insightful thoughts here, I just think there's bound to be more to life, but unfortunately I'm disgustingly mediocre at everything. I don't even want to imagine how bland I'd be if I didn't have something taboo to make my entire personality.
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