Fuck toxic positivity, here are some facts

[notmyusername]

gosh, i hate that "social creature" thing inside. My mindset now is mostly misantropic/sociophobic, i hate every person around me and i'm afraid of people (expect of few close friends). Yet, deep into my soul, i want to be social. That's tearing me apart, that's why i suffer. And that makes me to speak bad to my friends, unintentionally. Why am i such a monster?

I've struggled with this feeling all of my life.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

. I would guess there are probably a great deal of other autistic people here, who experience such profound isolation simply because we are different.

Yes, I would also hazard to venture to estimate that is so as well :p.

 

[tabletop]

Self worth by definition is how much you value yourself. Therefore it can only come from yourself and not others.

Your happiness is inside your own head therefore it can only come about by how you respond to your environment. You can choose to respond sub consciously as if you have no control. Or you can choose to become self aware and take control. By no means does an environment define how someone turns out. If that were true than most siblings would grow up to be just like each other. And that isn't true.

How on earth someone could think and spread the lies that other people have to give you these things is incredibly toxic. These are just lies used to blame others for your problems.

I used to have low self worth. Now it's high. So is my confidence. This did NOT come from others. All the way from low self worth to high self worth the criticism from others about how I live life differently hasn't changed. My perspective changed. No one changed it for me. I made the conscious choice to work on myself.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

Agree with everything. If you aren't socialized properly since childhood or if you isolate yourself and miss out on foundational developmental experiences in your society/culture you are pretty much done for.

That's my situation. I was abused heavily in my childhood and my development was absolutely ruined. When I became an adult I made so many horrible decisions simply because I didn't know better. I learned NOTHING from my parents except abuse and fear. To this day, while I am a better person in many ways, my life is fucked because two evil lunatics decided to produce a child. They stole so many years from my life.

 

[Linda]

I'm not sure that (1) need be true, and it isn't true in my case. Basically, I don't give a **** what most other people think about me. My feeling of self worth comes mainly from me, and partly from my achievements. (2) is partly true, in that a lot of happiness comes from my husband. But he's the only one that really matters in that respect so it might be overstating the case to say "other people". It's true that you have to interact with other people, you need to do so in a way that doesn't cause unnecessary friction, and having those interactions work smoothly certainly makes life pleasanter. But that's perhaps not quite the same thing as "happiness".

 

[Aim]

Oh wow! Sounds like myself almost trying to not be to much of an downer, but actually struggling with m.d.d.

 

[Davey36000]

These are just beliefs and you know it.

 

[WhyWasIBorn]

Well I'm back here after a few months of trying out a new full time job that I can't handle anymore because the pay simply isn't worth it. Can't agree more that the people at work, even my employees took advantage of me for their benefit. I thought I would be able to put my head down with this job but there's just too much fucking social drama.

So tired of faking myself and my true gut instincts just to fill my bank and empty it every goddamn two weeks. I wish I could make an income off things I am passionate about. Of course there always has to be a catch for EVERYTHING. Fuck this existence!

Glad I got to get a new computer chair, phone, and a little more spending cash for cannabis though now the decision is to either find a better gig or take the time to prepare a method.

 

[tabletop]

Oh wow! Sounds like myself almost trying to not be to much of an downer, but actually struggling with m.d.d.

I have MDD also.

 

[SexyIncél]

Mmn.. no, I disagree. Society constantly undervalues people - if it didn't, things like classism, racism and gender inequality would disappear. Society undervalues health, nature and community - instead placing the value on profit; an imaginary system that has little to no roots in reality. So I really don't think we should be reducing our worth to what society thinks of us, that's how we got ourselves in this mess in the first place.

You make important points — social institutions generally operate with values that crush human well-being

But I also agree with the OP. Few of us are in irl institutions which operate with better values. Which sucks, because they monopolize basics like food & shelter. They also propagandize everyone probably since infancy, and train guys with weapons to enforce their values

Crushes our aspirations & social imagination. Unless we go live in the woods, which is fine by those in power because it's suicide without the dead body lying around — we remove ourselves rather than team up & cause trouble

So maybe we could talk about building better institutions

 

[Meteora]

I just read your title and wanna scream yeeeees!

It is often belittling people's suffering and I hate this "oh, but think of all the good things in your life" when you are hurting and struggling.

It is indeed toxic because it makes everything worse and misses the point.

 

[deathdream]

1- Your self worth is determined by others, you are not an island, you are a social creature.
No, if society deems you worthless then you are indeed worthless, if you are not valued by others then you have no worth.

"Society" is always changing and constantly undervaluing and overvaluing people, for stupid reasons. Prejudice, mostly. And people who are valued highly by society most of the time just simply got very lucky. A lot of the "popular" people just had an opportunity and took it, they weren't just magically loved by everyone and no, their life isn't rainbows just because of that.
All the time in history, there will be genuinely amazing people who got excluded for literally no reason other than plain stupidity: racism, bigotry, you name it. This is what "judging by appearance" means.
Your true worth as a person will never depend on what society thinks of you on the surface.

2- Your happiness comes from other people, you are not an island.
No, you won't find happiness within, you are a social creature, if you can't form healthy relationships with other people then you will always be miserable and feel like something is missing.

This is an extremely toxic trait, and I say this because I relate a lot to it, so trust me.
This is cope, nothing more. You will not find happiness in other people, if you're a wreck that's a problem that goes way beyond that, clinging onto other people is nothing but an attempt to escape the harsh reality inside of you.
In my case it's childhood trauma, to each its own I guess, but you will not fill in your void like that.
Being a "social creature" doesn't mean that we physically need to be with anybody else to live, or we would rather die, it means that sharing our life with people that we really feel close to makes it better, and we can enjoy and cherish those times.
Finally, don't ever get friends or partners because you feel like you need to be with someone, that will just end up hurting you more.

 

[mlspwrt22]

Tbh I'm in the middle of agreeing and disagreeing - I think one's own thoughts does play a role in our own self-worth, but people horribly underestimate how much impact others' opinions of us can have on it, too.

Is it possible to feel worthy and confident in spite of being hated and shunned by most other people? Yeah, that's certainly been the case with someone out there before. Is it something the common man can achieve, like most people say? Fuck no. Social ostrazisation is a more powerful tool than most like to think it is.

 

[nogoodfatautist]

Honestly for me its the fact that I can't be alone that makes me the most depressed. If I could just be locked in my house with all I need to live, food, water, internet, I would be so happy. The fact that we have to go out into the world and work and make a living makes me feel so trapped. I used to crave social interaction but after being isolated for so long I find im truly the happiest alone. I wonder if deep down I really do crave social interaction but I repressed it since me and social interaction dont usually end well. But alas keeping to myself is not beneficial to a capitalist society.