Nov 11, 2020
I’d be dead if it wasn’t for SI. Honestly when you think about it. Normal people who don’t have mental issues or physical issues that greatly impact their lives negatively complain that life sucks and is hard.

Then you add multiple mental illnesses which also ends up causing other issues plus the ordinary issues. It’s like why?

I ask myself and it’s always answered with yeh there isn’t any purpose of living tbh. Besides just living as that’s what I’m suppose to do. I mean our scientific purpose is to reproduce -> raise -> die. Right? Well I don’t want kids so..

honestly if I didn’t have survival instinct I’d be dead. I think my SI always kicks in and makes me start feeling slightly less shitty enough to where I’m like, hey this can get better.

Then next day comes and it’s like fuck why didn’t I die? Then I think we’ll at least it’s one more day with my parents, dogs, and little brother.

And the cycle repeats. I think I might attempt tonight. Not sure, depends if I have alone time and SI.
hoping to lose hope

hoping to lose hope

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Nov 14, 2020
I think spirituality is important for those who have it for just the reasons you mentioned.
From a rational perspective everyone should decide not to reproduce so we die out but even that is not enough.
We should also be developing technology that could destroy all life on earth and then go into the cosmos to do the same because consciousness is a mistake.

If you have something to believe in we can give life a sense of purpose, Nietzsche was right yet it does not solve the fact that life is meaningless and only confirms it as it presupposes it is anyway.

The reality is we can only be unsure of everything and science won't be able to explain anything in full anyway.

I am right there with you OP- Life is hard and dying for some reason is so hard or seem to be.
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Sep 16, 2020
It's an evil sick joke.
Its OK people calling me a coward... People in 'authority' even, like psychologists but they tend to be the first that whimper when faced with terminal illness, to which I couldn't have give a shit about and was actually in the best mood of my life them weeks in hospital. Yet making those cuts, or jumping are like trying to cut steel with a butter knife.
Being wired to survive is shit, when you understand its just wiring but can't overcome it and do question If youre weak/cowardly 24\7. If that's not the ultimate cruelty what is.
hoping to lose hope

hoping to lose hope

<3 Message me to trade music <3
Nov 14, 2020
The very fact suicide is seen as the cowards way out shows just how rare it is that people seriously consider and attempt it.
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Beautiful moon, take me away.
Sep 23, 2020
survival instinct can be difficult.
but i believe when someone is truly ready they can surpass it.
i am not afraid.
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Mar 23, 2019
I feel you. Feel you deeply.
At this point I just hope that I have terrible genes I got hit by a car. Fuck I hate life.