Frog in boiling water

[Pluto]

So there's this silly old cliché about a frog in boiling water. They say that if a frog sits in cool water that slowly has its temperature raised to a boil, the frog will die because it does not think to jump out at any particular point.



This is an outrageous insult to frogs everywhere. The myth is completely untrue and a real frog in that situation will jump out at some point, but nonetheless it remains a convenient metaphor for situations we face where there an incredibly slow deterioration. For example, ageing, or mental health that gradually worsens over time, or chronic pain. Because we will always adapt, it is possible to normalise extraordinary states of suffering without really noticing due to the limited change from one day to the next.

In my own case, it has been an incredibly slow decline from the wonderment of early childhood to the present day filled with physical discomfort, isolation, inability to do normal things like eating/sleeping, accumulated health issues and an intense suffering that is only properly relieved in sleep. Then there's growing older and slowly losing options for participating meaningfully in life.

There are always ups and downs, but the nowadays ups are a lukewarm contentment while the downs are intense storms of desperate grief. No way is this sustainable. I'm currently awaiting blood test results to see if my issues with eating and sleeping are considered 'normal' by the doctor, and if so I am thinking that I might finally commence shut-down mode, which will of course end with wiping electronic devices, finalising paperwork/notes and consuming my N.

So my question is, how and where do you draw a line in the sand? How to say enough is enough, even though each day is so similar to the last? It reminds me of a tube of toothpaste, where you can always squeeze one more blob out... until you can't.

 

[makethepainstop]

Your analogy is pretty good. What keeps most people on this wretched planet is that they keep hoping it will get better. Then one day they realize that it will NEVER get better. At that point, suicide begins to look appealing, rational, and desirable.
But like with a tube of toothpaste, some keep squeezing hoping it will get better.

 

[BillyBob]

Drawing a line in the sand may be actually setting a hard date or getting your self into a position where you will have to take your own life.
Sounds stupid but even though 6 our of 7 days is shit, that one up day your mind will go "I might as well continue another day and see if it will be like this again".

It is constant mind games being played out over and over again continuing the suffering.
I still think it is better to go out on ones own terms when it is a completely rational choice, planned out and know what they are doing.
This allows one to craft a well put together note and wishes for when one has passed away.

 

[A simple aid]

So there's this silly old cliché about a frog in boiling water. They say that if a frog sits in cool water that slowly has its temperature raised to a boil, the frog will die because it does not think to jump out at any particular point.

View attachment 101105

This is an outrageous insult to frogs everywhere. The myth is completely untrue and a real frog in that situation will jump out at some point, but nonetheless it remains a convenient metaphor for situations we face where there an incredibly slow deterioration. For example, ageing, or mental health that gradually worsens over time, or chronic pain. Because we will always adapt, it is possible to normalise extraordinary states of suffering without really noticing due to the limited change from one day to the next.

In my own case, it has been an incredibly slow decline from the wonderment of early childhood to the present day filled with physical discomfort, isolation, inability to do normal things like eating/sleeping, accumulated health issues and an intense suffering that is only properly relieved in sleep. Then there's growing older and slowly losing options for participating meaningfully in life.

There are always ups and downs, but the nowadays ups are a lukewarm contentment while the downs are intense storms of desperate grief. No way is this sustainable. I'm currently awaiting blood test results to see if my issues with eating and sleeping are considered 'normal' by the doctor, and if so I am thinking that I might finally commence shut-down mode, which will of course end with wiping electronic devices, finalising paperwork/notes and consuming my N.

So my question is, how and where do you draw a line in the sand? How to say enough is enough, even though each day is so similar to the last? It reminds me of a tube of toothpaste, where you can always squeeze one more blob out... until you can't.

there isnt really a way or point at which you say enough is enough....people simply reach points where they feel things are unbearable and in the heat of that time span do some interesting stuff....what many dont mention is the temperature of the frogs environment is dynamic...but in its mind once if feels the boiling everything else becomes irrelevant....the same way when a mother is in great pain giving birth to a child and you wouldnt expect her to be alone...so should you...dont suffer alone...your mind will make it far more unbearable than you think....find people (preferrably like u) who understand your pain....and see if life is all that bad...after all you always have ur N to fall back on .....i myself am here

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I am so sorry about your situation. It sounds terrible and your thinking process regarding the medical exam results is sadly understandable.

The matter of "drawing the line in the sand" is really a difficult question. I think most of it comes down to the question "If I make my life as comfortable as I realistically can, are the good parts still worth it for me to get through the bad ones?". There is the tricky notion of hope, but at the end of the day, hope is just another "good thing" that helps you get through the bad parts of your life. The question of drawing the line is deeply personal.

I think, just like real life frogs, we are completely capable of feeling the "boiling point", no matter how many times people try to tell us to "just sit with it and wait for your feelings to pass". At some point, they just don't, and you can tell with your whole being that it is time to jump out.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't know. No matter how bad things are it's always easier to just exist for another day. I call it "emotional inertia". It's going to take some effort to go against the trend and take action.

 

[FuneralCry]

Those who have N really are lucky, as they can just exit peacefully for when the time is right. That does sound like the best way to ctb to me. I believe that it's a feeling that the person has when they know that they should leave this life behind, they feel certain. I wish you the best.

 

[Sad_Sack]

You said it really well. I feel its like being stuck in quicksand with a never ending supply of brittle twigs I keep grabbing and snapping off trying to pull myself out. I know I'm losing the fight but it's really hard to just let myself go completely under. I've been sick for 30 years and have had periods I was doing worse than others and times I was suicidal. It's been 5 straight years with no improvement and things actually getting worse. How much longer can I just allow this to keep happening to me? I keep thinking what if. What if somehow I find the right doctor, or what if I just miraculously get better. The what ifs are the brittle twigs and I keep grabbing but they just keep breaking.

 

[Pluto]

Cheers all. Great responses.

I think, just like real life frogs, we are completely capable of feeling the "boiling point"

Especially good to get the perspective of an actual frog.

A lot of techniques that are helpful to people with more mundane grievances definitely start to fall short in situations like this.

Right now, there is a lot of relief in giving up the endless battle just to sustain an endless battle. We'll see what happens.

 

[Exact Change]

So there's this silly old cliché about a frog in boiling water. They say that if a frog sits in cool water that slowly has its temperature raised to a boil, the frog will die because it does not think to jump out at any particular point.

View attachment 101105

This is an outrageous insult to frogs everywhere. The myth is completely untrue and a real frog in that situation will jump out at some point, but nonetheless it remains a convenient metaphor for situations we face where there an incredibly slow deterioration. For example, ageing, or mental health that gradually worsens over time, or chronic pain. Because we will always adapt, it is possible to normalise extraordinary states of suffering without really noticing due to the limited change from one day to the next.

In my own case, it has been an incredibly slow decline from the wonderment of early childhood to the present day filled with physical discomfort, isolation, inability to do normal things like eating/sleeping, accumulated health issues and an intense suffering that is only properly relieved in sleep. Then there's growing older and slowly losing options for participating meaningfully in life.

There are always ups and downs, but the nowadays ups are a lukewarm contentment while the downs are intense storms of desperate grief. No way is this sustainable. I'm currently awaiting blood test results to see if my issues with eating and sleeping are considered 'normal' by the doctor, and if so I am thinking that I might finally commence shut-down mode, which will of course end with wiping electronic devices, finalising paperwork/notes and consuming my N.

So my question is, how and where do you draw a line in the sand? How to say enough is enough, even though each day is so similar to the last? It reminds me of a tube of toothpaste, where you can always squeeze one more blob out... until you can't.

Pluto, your post really struck a chord with me. Thank you. And I am sorry for the both of us. I dont know what to say because I am trapped as you are. I hope we both find relief soon.

 

[theboy]

strange

 

[almaranthine]

the toothpaste metaphor really struck me. you summed up my feelings and experience so succinctly with that. you're a good writer!

you know the end is near and your will to live is practically all used up, but each day you continue to exist with just barely enough to keep going. the cycle continues, but it must end at some point; the question is when. I guess normal folks just buy a new tube of toothpaste, but people like us... just can't afford to anymore.