Venting Friendship shame ramble

[twistedtransistor47]

I've had an online friend for a few years now and over the past year we've gotten really close to the point of calling almost every day. The entire time I felt guilty getting so close knowing I intend to ctb and randomly tonight I just really feel like drifting away from this friendship. My friend has brought me some peace and happiness this year but I feel like I can't stay close friends with them for long because they are going to grow and move on like everyone else and they'll notice that my life is static and I don't know how to explain that I don't care about making progress in life because the only thing I want is to die. I need to leave before they realize who I am and how embarassingly unwilling I am to do anything to fix myself. I need to leave now so I can return to the comfort of isolation. It hurts to think about because we were so close but this has to happen. I can't bear for them to know who I really am. I need to completely isolate myself now.

 

[justanotherfailure]

If the friend brought you some peace and happiness over the last year, the best thing you can do is hold on to that happiness as a reason to keep living. If they move on at some point in time then you could cbt then, but cutting that friend off would just remove the only thing that makes life bearable. Loneliness is just a catalyst for depression