I don't think I'm capable of ever having friends. It doesn't matter how much we had in common. We could both be suicidal, anxiety riddled, efilist hermits struggling with agoraphobia, but it wouldn't matter. There's a fundamental discomfort attached to things like this, at least for me. One that's always present, regardless of the situation. There's a weight/anxiety in trying to get to know someone else and to get to be known in return. One side of me can't abide loneliness, and the other side can't abide socializing. It's a predicament where I'm always left feeling profoundly uncomfortable, just in different ways. This is another reason why I'd be a lot better off dead. Even the most minimal of human relationships are denied to me. And with anhedonia, along with loneliness, denying a sense of relief in anything else of a more solitary variety, that leaves nothing left. So I need buckshot exploding my brains ASAP basically.