Friend killed herself.

[Amor]

There are two major concerns I have:
1- actually being able to drink it down
2- the time in between ingestion and passing out.

Those two things worry me so much. That's when it's time to put up or shut up.

Maybe you have an advantage because you've already overcame SI, you've done this before so you have been able to get the "poison" down? What's your backup plan?

I think, from the research I've done, the medical reports and suicide books, mixing the drugs with food or drink doesn't really make them useless, although if it's mixed with food like ice cream or pudding it may take longer to act, but it still works. And when mixed with drinks it works too, the user on here who mixed the drugs with the strawberry juice said she lost consciousness in less than 20 minutes, I think. Another user who took propranolol said she fell asleep in around 30 minutes or something. So mixing the drugs with sugar or juice probably won't make them useless, no? After I take it, waiting to lose consciousness will be the least of my worries, not vomiting will be the most important thing.

I definitely don't think I've overcome survival instinct or if that's possible, I'm just ignoring it. I know that going about things emotionally will always fail, so I try to ignore everything I may be feeling and thinking and focus only on doing it.

My backup plan is chloroquine. I have 25 grams of it stashed and hidden already. I don't want to fail, I intend to do this properly, but there's only so much preparation I can do and I can't predict what's going to happen after I take the drugs, so as a way to calm myself I got these drugs too. My biggest problem after I woke up was how to try to kill myself again, I tried hanging and strangling myself and it's so much harder than it seems. So I did this. It does work, the highest dose survived has been 19.5 grams, but it's not sedating and there's an ever higher chance of vomiting. And those pills are about the worst tasting ones there are.

 

[emgrl]

I think, from the research I've done, the medical reports and suicide books, mixing the drugs with food or drink doesn't really make them useless, although if it's mixed with food like ice cream or pudding it may take longer to act, but it still works. And when mixed with drinks it works too, the user on here who mixed the drugs with the strawberry juice said she lost consciousness in less than 20 minutes, I think. Another user who took propranolol said she fell asleep in around 30 minutes or something. So mixing the drugs with sugar or juice probably won't make them useless, no? After I take it, waiting to lose consciousness will be the least of my worries, not vomiting will be the most important thing.

I definitely don't think I've overcome survival instinct or if that's possible, I'm just ignoring it. I know that going about things emotionally will always fail, so I try to ignore everything I may be feeling and thinking and focus only on doing it.

My backup plan is chloroquine. I have 25 grams of it stashed and hidden already. I don't want to fail, I intend to do this properly, but there's only so much preparation I can do and I can't predict what's going to happen after I take the drugs, so as a way to calm myself I got these drugs too. My biggest problem after I woke up was how to try to kill myself again, I tried hanging and strangling myself and it's so much harder than it seems. So I did this. It does work, the highest dose survived has been 19.5 grams, but it's not sedating and there's an ever higher chance of vomiting. And those pills are about the worst tasting ones there are.

You're probably right, I don't think sugar nor ice cream would affect them, but it might cause more vomiting.

Yes! Not vomiting is all included in my worries during the wait time to pass out- I hope it's quick.

I don't think SI will ever truly go away, I give you so much credit for doing it the first time. I guess that's what I meant before, you were able to do it, you're very strong.

I don't know much about chloroquine, but im hoping you don't have to use it ♡

 

[Amor]

You're probably right, I don't think sugar nor ice cream would affect them, but it might cause more vomiting.

Yes! Not vomiting is all included in my worries during the wait time to pass out- I hope it's quick.

I don't think SI will ever truly go away, I give you so much credit for doing it the first time. I guess that's what I meant before, you were able to do it, you're very strong.

I don't know much about chloroquine, but im hoping you don't have to use it ♡

I obviously can't know any of this with any degree of certainty and I'm probably just trying to reassure myself. But I know I'll do it like my friend did, with powdered juice.

Chloroquine is very lethal even in low doses, there's a chapter for it on the suicide books you can download on here, but it seems to be so unpleasant. I hope I won't need my backup plan at all.

I'm really not strong at all, and I'm very terrified, and no matter what I say on here I still have more doubts and questions than answers, no matter the evidence I have to go on or anything. But I do know I have no choice and I have to do this.

 

[Amor]

It's so hard to have to wait. I feel so unstable and like I really can't take it anymore.

I wish I could have someone to be there when I do it so that others can know that this method works. But I don't know how and I don't know anyone who would be willing to be there while I do it (on the phone, obviously I don't want anyone there in person). I'm exhausted and I really want to do this.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Firstly, RIP to your friend.

Secondly, this method she used - could it rival SN? Potentially be superior to it? In terms of being peaceful? It's an interesting as I haven't come across this method before.

 

[Amor]

Firstly, RIP to your friend.

Secondly, this method she used - could it rival SN? Potentially be superior to it? In terms of being peaceful? It's an interesting as I haven't come across this method before.

I really don't know. I can't know that with any degree of certainty even after this and all the research I've done. People have failed using this method, although I haven't read anyone who used the doses she did, and people have failed with SN too. But if I had the chance to get SN, I would go with that. But there's no way for me to get it and I already have these drugs. But I don't know if it's superior or what. I know it's as peaceful as something like this can be, she didn't mention pain, just nausea and heaviness and sleepiness. But I don't know.

 

[emgrl]

Firstly, RIP to your friend.

Secondly, this method she used - could it rival SN? Potentially be superior to it? In terms of being peaceful? It's an interesting as I haven't come across this method before.

I've done a lot of research on it, it's my method, I think it can rival SN. Don't take my word for it though! There's a lot of articles regarding fatal overdoses from propranolol.

Here's an example of different cases:

Why Propranolol? – AntiDepAware

antidepaware.co.uk

 

[Obliviate]

Please do not feel guilty. Look at the state of the world. We're in hell. You helped someone reach peace and I hope the same for you. That's all

 

[Amor]

Please do not feel guilty. Look at the state of the world. We're in hell. You helped someone reach peace and I hope the same for you. That's all

I know she was in pain and it was never going to stop. She needed to die and so do I. But I'm feeling so many things. Guilt and anger because we talked about doing it together but obviously she couldn't wait for me, and she didn't have to either. That would be so selfish of me. I feel also extremely jealous, because she's dead now and I still have to wait. Everything is hell.

I've done a lot of research on it, it's my method, I think it can rival SN. Don't take my word for it though! There's a lot of articles regarding fatal overdoses from propranolol.

Here's an example of different cases:

Why Propranolol? – AntiDepAware

antidepaware.co.uk

I remember an user on here who had a failed attempt using propranolol and they said that's the site that convinced them to do it so they didn't trust it. All the medical reports I've read about this have been from pubmed because there's actual evidence and they're written by doctors, but still, it's such an individual thing. It depends on so many things that we just can't be sure of anything.

 

[emgrl]

I know she was in pain and it was never going to stop. She needed to die and so do I. But I'm feeling so many things. Guilt and anger because we talked about doing it together but obviously she couldn't wait for me, and she didn't have to either. That would be so selfish of me. I feel also extremely jealous, because she's dead now and I still have to wait. Everything is hell.




I remember an user on here who had a failed attempt using propranolol and they said that's the site that convinced them to do it so they didn't trust it. All the medical reports I've read about this have been from pubmed because there's actual evidence and they're written by doctors, but still, it's such an individual thing. It depends on so many things that we just can't be sure of anything.

It's funny you say that, I trust the pubmed ones too, I just chose that one because it had so many examples, now I'm skeptical of that source.

I know pubmed takes on and talks about actual cases, so those I do trust. They tell when the patients live or pass away.

 

[Amor]

It's funny you say that, I trust the pubmed ones too, I just chose that one because it had so many examples, now I'm skeptical of that source.

I know pubmed takes on and talks about actual cases, so those I do trust. They tell when the patients live or pass away.

I wouldn't trust that source either. I know there's actual evidence but like I said, it's such an individual thing that there's no way to actually know the exact dose someone will need and everything. Like I said, if I could I would have someone on the phone while I do it so that others could know it worked but that's tricky too, I have no one and also subjecting someone to that may make them feel even worse just like I do.

 

[emgrl]

I wouldn't trust that source either. I know there's actual evidence but like I said, it's such an individual thing that there's no way to actually know the exact dose someone will need and everything. Like I said, if I could I would have someone on the phone while I do it so that others could know it worked but that's tricky too, I have no one and also subjecting someone to that may make them feel even worse just like I do.

Yes, I always read the doses they speak about in those articles, and at least feel a bit better knowing that I have much more, but still, so much is unknown.

I know what you mean, I wish I could have someone on the phone with me, too.

 

[Amor]

Yes, I always read the doses they speak about in those articles, and at least feel a bit better knowing that I have much more, but still, so much is unknown.

I know what you mean, I wish I could have someone on the phone with me, too.

And these articles on pubmed are very specific, they mention weight, height, how much time it passed before the patient was found, etc. I don't think we'll feel completely sure no matter what. The only way to know is to simply do it. No matter how much I read or know rationally, my brain keeps creating more doubts and questions. But I know for a fact that I have to do it and will do it. I've done all the research I can and prepared myself as much as I can, even having a backup plan.

I'm planning to do it if possible before the 10th of October. Maybe I'll make a thread? I don't really know. I wouldn't want anyone to find this on my phone but it'd lock itself anyway? I don't really know. I don't want to leave any evidence.

 

[emgrl]

And these articles on pubmed are very specific, they mention weight, height, how much time it passed before the patient was found, etc. I don't think we'll feel completely sure no matter what. The only way to know is to simply do it. No matter how much I read or know rationally, my brain keeps creating more doubts and questions. But I know for a fact that I have to do it and will do it. I've done all the research I can and prepared myself as much as I can, even having a backup plan.

I'm planning to do it if possible before the 10th of October. Maybe I'll make a thread? I don't really know. I wouldn't want anyone to find this on my phone but it'd lock itself anyway? I don't really know. I don't want to leave any evidence.

I wish I could message you, but I still can't… not sure how much time actually has to pass before you're able to DM someone

 

[Amor]

I wish I could message you, but I still can't… not sure how much time actually has to pass before you're able to DM someone

Me too. I don't think I'll be able to for some reason? I don't even have the search option yet. Do you maybe have an Instagram that's not personal? A side account or something? We could communicate through there?

 

[emgrl]

Me too. I don't think I'll be able to for some reason? I don't even have the search option yet. Do you maybe have an Instagram that's not personal? A side account or something? We could communicate through there?

You'll definitely be able to, I just thought it was 24 hours, maybe it's more. I don't have one of those kinds of accounts. If you don't get the chat feature soon, I'll make one

 

[tolearn123]

Yes, that's my biggest fear, too… failing. I know you feel guilty, but she would have found a way, regardless of what she said.
I have over 14 grams of propranolol, I also have klonopin, and meto. I have other meds too, like antidepressants/antipsychotics, and m30s. How much do you have?
You shouldn't feel guilty, this is still going on for you, too. It's real. The pain we all feel, though it may be different and come from different places, it's all real. So, you wanting to discuss it is ok ♡

Hey, can you PM me your method of choice please. I would prefer to take pills rather than SN

 

[アホペンギン]

My friend killed herself two weeks ago. I was on the phone with her, texting, while she waited. She took an overdose of amitriptyline (9 grams) and propranolol (8 grams). I don't think she felt any pain, she just said she felt sleepy. She threw up a little on the side of the bed and didn't get up, said she wanted to be lying down in case she had seizures. She was found at 8/9 a.m. of the next day and took it at 12 a.m.

I feel guilty. I was the one who told her about that method. It's my method of choice too, but I'm waiting until the end of the month to get paid to buy more. I have more propranolol than her, but only 7 grams of amitriptyline. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't told her. I basically handed her the weapon. Her family is angry at me, because I was the last to speak to her. I'm sure they think I had something to do with it. I miss her, I feel guilty and at the same time angry and jealous.

At least I know it works? But why don't I feel relieved?

both of those are prescription medicine. not over the counter medicine. you'll have to prove to a doctor that you need them to get your hands on them.

 

[Kera]

both of those are prescription medicine. not over the counter medicine. you'll have to prove to a doctor that you need them to get your hands on them.

The two drugs can also be ordered online without a prescription in a reputable and legal manner.
The EU directive on patient mobility allows prescription drugs such as propranolol to be purchased via remote medical diagnosis in other EU countries.
The digital prescription is issued via an online questionnaire.

But this thread was about guilt in grief.
Amor is no longer with us :((

 

[cruel-monster]

My friend killed herself two weeks ago. I was on the phone with her, texting, while she waited. She took an overdose of amitriptyline (9 grams) and propranolol (8 grams). I don't think she felt any pain, she just said she felt sleepy. She threw up a little on the side of the bed and didn't get up, said she wanted to be lying down in case she had seizures. She was found at 8/9 a.m. of the next day and took it at 12 a.m.

I feel guilty. I was the one who told her about that method. It's my method of choice too, but I'm waiting until the end of the month to get paid to buy more. I have more propranolol than her, but only 7 grams of amitriptyline. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't told her. I basically handed her the weapon. Her family is angry at me, because I was the last to speak to her. I'm sure they think I had something to do with it. I miss her, I feel guilty and at the same time angry and jealous.

At least I know it works? But why don't I feel relieved?

Where are these items available from?

 

[cruel-monster]

That woman's story is terrible… but, first thing about ODing to CTB, have to make sure the "poison" is something that will actually shut the body down. None of those meds had the ability to be fatal.

Propranolol is definitely fatal, just have to make sure enough is taken, and medical intervention isn't obtained. Easier said than done, though…

Mio is a water additive. You put a couple drops in water to make it taste like grape, or cherry

Where is this attainable?

 

[iloveloving]

I hope you're in peace.