Friend killed herself.

[Jadzia]

My friend killed herself two weeks ago. I was on the phone with her, texting, while she waited. She took an overdose of amitriptyline (9 grams) and propranolol (8 grams). I don't think she felt any pain, she just said she felt sleepy. She threw up a little on the side of the bed and didn't get up, said she wanted to be lying down in case she had seizures. She was found at 8/9 a.m. of the next day and took it at 12 a.m.

I feel guilty. I was the one who told her about that method. It's my method of choice too, but I'm waiting until the end of the month to get paid to buy more. I have more propranolol than her, but only 7 grams of amitriptyline. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't told her. I basically handed her the weapon. Her family is angry at me, because I was the last to speak to her. I'm sure they think I had something to do with it. I miss her, I feel guilty and at the same time angry and jealous.

At least I know it works? But why don't I feel relieved?

I think all of those emotions are understandable. Sending you gentle hugs

 

[Someone123]

If I had the money to buy SN, I would choose that method. I'm going to go with this one because I know it has a big chance of working, but it's still terrifying because it depends on so many things. What method would you prefer?

I'm goin to end up using sn, but I am going to do everything I can to try to make it work, knowing that if it goes bad it will be really bad most likely. I keep putting it off trynig to learn more about how to avoid a bad outcome. Inert gases, N, and the method starting this thread all seem more peaceful, but I don't think i can get them done.

 

[Amor]

I'm goin to end up using sn, but I am going to do everything I can to try to make it work, knowing that if it goes bad it will be really bad most likely. I keep putting it off trynig to learn more about how to avoid a bad outcome. Inert gases, N, and the method starting this thread all seem more peaceful, but I don't think i can get them done.

I think there are more successes with SN than failures, no? I haven't read a lot about this method because it would be pointless, there's no way I could buy it and even if I could it would probably take a long time to arrive. And I already have what I need for my method. Why don't you think you could get them done? Is it hard to get the drugs where you are?

 

[Tarantula Girl]

I don't think so either, they're such different substances. But there's definitely more information on SN, especially on here. I guess that makes it seem more reliable.

That's just it, the unknown. So many things could happen. My biggest concern is vomiting before I can absorb at least most of the drugs in my system. I'm not worried about seizures because I've had them before and in my experience they've never hurt and you're not even aware it's happening even if you're awake. But we still don't know. I know how it worked out for her because I was on the phone with her, but who's to say what's going to happen to me or you? It's terrifying.

I just read the report again, the woman was 55 years old, diabetic, took an "intentional overdose of greater than 100 g. 55 year-old (80kg) female presented 5h post-ingestion of metformin extended release1 32g (132 x 1g), linagliptin 290mg, ibuprofen 24g, sertraline 20g, rosuvastatin 150mg, perindopril 120mg and indapamide 37.5mg. This was on a background of type 2 diabetes mellitus and hypertension."

Can you imagine? This scares me. But if we don't do it what's the alternative? I can't even imagine living another year. I'm just waiting for my paycheck.

Is Mio juice? It was still extremely bitter with it, she said, but it's definitely possible to drink it. Some people have had worse.

I just want to note something on this report you read. I'm type 2 diabetic and take metformin. When you take metformin, whatever your body doesn't use/need gets expelled out through urine or stools. Taking to much metformin would cause diarrhea and peeing a lot vs anything to do with a ctb. The Linagliptin is also a diabetic medication and potentially could be like metformin and whatever not used gets expelled.
I thought SSRI like Sertraline and otc medicine like ibuprofen are very hard to OD on. I've read a bit about these because i always thought before seeing SaSu, that any pain meds stuff could easily kill with OD. But boy was I wrong.
The other medicines are in mg, so lower doses. Not sure what those are but still, lower doses if im not mistaken.
So my take on why that person didnt go unconscious was because they chose pills that wouldn't really work to CTB. Omg especially the diabetic ones! Like when i started eating better and my Metformin was to high for me, I was in the bathroom so often i just had to stay at home. I feel bad for this person, that metformin especially would have messed up her stomach for awhile after as far as diarrhea!
As for the the subject of the original post....
I'm so sorry you lost your friend. Know that she got what many of would want but can't have, someone to be with her as support and she went onto her peace. She got to go knowing she was loved and would be missed. She got to go in a peaceful way and no longer has to suffer.
When your time comes that you leave this world, may you be greeted by her on the other side if you so wish.
Sympathy to you

 

[Someone123]

I think there are more successes with SN than failures, no? I haven't read a lot about this method because it would be pointless, there's no way I could buy it and even if I could it would probably take a long time to arrive. And I already have what I need for my method. Why don't you think you could get them done? Is it hard to get the drugs where you are?

It's not that- meto, an antiewmitic, can cause terriebl reactions in some people, and it does. The threads of successes and failures seem to show that luck is a big factor in whether this method works or not, and whether it is peaceful or not.

 

[madiroze]

I'm sorry for your loss and can empathise with losing a friend to suicide. My best friend drowned herself in the Baltic Sea in December and her body was found washed ashore in the following early Spring. It's been 12 years and I still miss her terribly but I'm relieved she is no longer in pain and truly believe she was too pure for this cesspit planet.

 

[emgrl]

I don't think so either, they're such different substances. But there's definitely more information on SN, especially on here. I guess that makes it seem more reliable.

That's just it, the unknown. So many things could happen. My biggest concern is vomiting before I can absorb at least most of the drugs in my system. I'm not worried about seizures because I've had them before and in my experience they've never hurt and you're not even aware it's happening even if you're awake. But we still don't know. I know how it worked out for her because I was on the phone with her, but who's to say what's going to happen to me or you? It's terrifying.

I just read the report again, the woman was 55 years old, diabetic, took an "intentional overdose of greater than 100 g. 55 year-old (80kg) female presented 5h post-ingestion of metformin extended release1 32g (132 x 1g), linagliptin 290mg, ibuprofen 24g, sertraline 20g, rosuvastatin 150mg, perindopril 120mg and indapamide 37.5mg. This was on a background of type 2 diabetes mellitus and hypertension."

Can you imagine? This scares me. But if we don't do it what's the alternative? I can't even imagine living another year. I'm just waiting for my paycheck.

Is Mio juice? It was still extremely bitter with it, she said, but it's definitely possible to drink it. Some people have had worse.

That woman's story is terrible… but, first thing about ODing to CTB, have to make sure the "poison" is something that will actually shut the body down. None of those meds had the ability to be fatal.

Propranolol is definitely fatal, just have to make sure enough is taken, and medical intervention isn't obtained. Easier said than done, though…

Mio is a water additive. You put a couple drops in water to make it taste like grape, or cherry

 

[ojinzo]

My friend killed herself two weeks ago. I was on the phone with her, texting, while she waited. She took an overdose of amitriptyline (9 grams) and propranolol (8 grams). I don't think she felt any pain, she just said she felt sleepy. She threw up a little on the side of the bed and didn't get up, said she wanted to be lying down in case she had seizures. She was found at 8/9 a.m. of the next day and took it at 12 a.m.

I feel guilty. I was the one who told her about that method. It's my method of choice too, but I'm waiting until the end of the month to get paid to buy more. I have more propranolol than her, but only 7 grams of amitriptyline. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't told her. I basically handed her the weapon. Her family is angry at me, because I was the last to speak to her. I'm sure they think I had something to do with it. I miss her, I feel guilty and at the same time angry and jealous.

At least I know it works? But why don't I feel relieved?

I think it's natural to feel a level of guilt when you provide advice or information. However, I believe, especially as someone who wants to ctb, your friend is happy to have had someone in her life that helped her with something she wanted to do. I wish I had someone with support, advice, or resources to be a partner on this journey with. If I was your friend, I wouldn't be angry at you at all. Seriously.

 

[Amor]

I'm sorry for your loss and can empathise with losing a friend to suicide. My best friend drowned herself in the Baltic Sea in December and her body was found washed ashore in the following early Spring. It's been 12 years and I still miss her terribly but I'm relieved she is no longer in pain and truly believe she was too pure for this cesspit planet.

It's horrible that grief never ends. I feel so much guilt it's hard to be relieved but I do understand she's resting now and couldn't wait for me or anyone.

That woman's story is terrible… but, first thing about ODing to CTB, have to make sure the "poison" is something that will actually shut the body down. None of those meds had the ability to be fatal.

Propranolol is definitely fatal, just have to make sure enough is taken, and medical intervention isn't obtained. Easier said than done, though…

Mio is a water additive. You put a couple drops in water to make it taste like grape, or cherry

Yes, there's at least enough information to be sure that it works, but getting the dose right is difficult considering we will vomit.

The kind of juice she used was powdered one, maybe it works the same. I read an user on here who mixed her amitriptyline with strawberry juice. She was found early and survived, though. And she took 7 grams. I think she took propranolol too. See? It's difficult.

I think it's natural to feel a level of guilt when you provide advice or information. However, I believe, especially as someone who wants to ctb, your friend is happy to have had someone in her life that helped her with something she wanted to do. I wish I had someone with support, advice, or resources to be a partner on this journey with. If I was your friend, I wouldn't be angry at you at all. Seriously.

I wish I had someone too. She had me, but I don't have anyone. I don't think I'll stop feeling guilt.

 

[emgrl]

Yes, there's at least enough information to be sure that it works, but getting the dose right is difficult considering we will vomit.

The kind of juice she used was powdered one, maybe it works the same. I read an user on here who mixed her amitriptyline with strawberry juice. She was found early and survived, though. And she took 7 grams. I think she took propranolol too. See? It's difficult.

I think having 24g of propranolol will work, even without the amitriptyline. The meto should help with the vomiting, just have to keep it down.

Maybe it's better to just take the crushed pills and water, who knows if any additives alter the way the meds work?

I do believe in this case, the more meds, the better. Since everyone is different, and not enough research has been done on this method, it's so hard to know how much is needed yet.

I'm hoping this method becomes more popular, it has been proven to be reliable as per numerous articles regarding it. It also seems rather peaceful, something we all deserve ♡

 

[makethepainstop]

But consider this for a minute, what did SHE want? She wanted her pain to end. She ended her torments, do feel the loss, but don't grieve. She has found her peace and comfort. Don't we all here seek the same? Love and hugs to you.

 

[Someone123]

After doing some searches there is a case of someone dying from 1.5 grams of propranolol and there is a case of someone surviving 8 grams, so the excct lethal dose is not know, but 24 grams seems like way more than enough.

 

[Amor]

I think having 24g of propranolol will work, even without the amitriptyline. The meto should help with the vomiting, just have to keep it down.

Maybe it's better to just take the crushed pills and water, who knows if any additives alter the way the meds work?

I do believe in this case, the more meds, the better. Since everyone is different, and not enough research has been done on this method, it's so hard to know how much is needed yet.

I'm hoping this method becomes more popular, it has been proven to be reliable as per numerous articles regarding it. It also seems rather peaceful, something we all deserve ♡

I still can't seem to DM you, I'm sorry. I had a severe overdose on barbiturates that put me in a one week coma, that time it was much less than all the pills I'll take now, and I dissolved them in water and it was really extremely bitter. Definitely not a big deal, but the taste will definitely be worse, on propranolol alone I have 600 pills. On amitriptyline I have 350 pills, and I need at least another box. In the end, I guess the taste doesn't matter if it's going to work, but I also need to be able to swallow it all properly.

But consider this for a minute, what did SHE want? She wanted her pain to end. She ended her torments, do feel the loss, but don't grieve. She has found her peace and comfort. Don't we all here seek the same? Love and hugs to you.

She was suffering too much. She wanted to rest. I still can't help but grieve and feel guilty, though. I am in so much pain. I need to do it soon.

 

[emgrl]

After doing some searches there is a case of someone dying from 1.5 grams of propranolol and there is a case of someone surviving 8 grams, so the excct lethal dose is not know, but 24 grans seems like way more than enough.

Most of the cases in articles have had medical intervention as well. If they never had any help, they could have been fatal.

I wish there was a steady amount, like with SN and N, would make this method much easier. Of course any kind of OD is a gamble, just even more so when there's no real example.

 

[Amor]

After doing some searches there is a case of someone dying from 1.5 grams of propranolol and there is a case of someone surviving 8 grams, so the excct lethal dose is not know, but 24 grans seems like way more than enough.

Someone on here also survived taking 13 grams.

 

[emgrl]

I still can't seem to DM you, I'm sorry. I had a severe overdose on barbiturates that put me in a one week coma, that time it was much less than all the pills I'll take now, and I dissolved them in water and it was really extremely bitter. Definitely not a big deal, but the taste will definitely be worse, on propranolol alone I have 600 pills. On amitriptyline I have 350 pills, and I need at least another box. In the end, I guess the taste doesn't matter if it's going to work, but I also need to be able to swallow it all properly.

It's ok, you're still less than 24 hours here, you'll be able to DM soon.

Yeah, I'm not too worried about the taste, wasn't with SN either… I really think it's mind over matter when it comes to that. The end result is certainly worth it.

I know, it's a lot of pills. I actually purchased a steel pill grinder, I can't see trying to break up that many pills any other way. I read that propranolol dissolves easily in water, so I'm hoping it's not too "sludgy".

Someone on here also survived taking 13 grams.

I haven't seen that thread… I wonder if they followed any kind of regimen? Also, I wonder their size and such. Ughhh… it's all so hard.

 

[Amor]

It's ok, you're still less than 24 hours here, you'll be able to DM soon.

Yeah, I'm not too worried about the taste, wasn't with SN either… I really think it's mind over matter when it comes to that. The end result is certainly worth it.

I know, it's a lot of pills. I actually purchased a steel pill grinder, I can't see trying to break up that many pills any other way. I read that propranolol dissolves easily in water, so I'm hoping it's not too "sludgy".

I haven't seen that thread… I wonder if they followed any kind of regimen? Also, I wonder their size and such. Ughhh… it's all so hard.

Back then I crushed the pills by hitting them gently with a mug, it wasn't too bothersome. I know amitriptyline dissolves in water without needing to be crushed, too.

I don't have a search option but I remember I found the post by searching on Google "propranolol site:sanctioned-suicide" or something like that. If you have the search option maybe you can find it faster. I don't remember that they took any antiemetics, but I don't think vomiting was the problem. I think they weren't found quickly either. If you find the post (it wasn't a thread on its own, it was a post on another thread) please link me to it.

 

[emgrl]

Back then I crushed the pills by hitting them gently with a mug, it wasn't too bothersome. I know amitriptyline dissolves in water without needing to be crushed, too.

I don't have a search option but I remember I found the post by searching on Google "propranolol site:sanctioned-suicide" or something like that. If you have the search option maybe you can find it faster. I don't remember that they took any antiemetics, but I don't think vomiting was the problem. I think they weren't found quickly either. If you find the post (it wasn't a thread on its own, it was a post on another thread) please link me to it.

Ohhh, I think I know which one you're talking about. He had tried 3 times or something?

Also, I've read a lot of stories, and sometimes people leave things out or embellish when they tell their CTB stories. Also, if they keep saying, "oh, I can't remember" I take it with a grain of salt. Not that they truly can't remember, but that's not good enough research for me haha!

 

[Amor]

Ohhh, I think I know which one you're talking about. He had tried 3 times or something?

Also, I've read a lot of stories, and sometimes people leave things out or embellish when they tell their CTB stories. Also, if they keep saying, "oh, I can't remember" I take it with a grain of salt. Not that they truly can't remember, but that's not good enough research for me haha!

I don't remember if they had tried before, I'm sorry. I know it's the highest dose I've read of that's been survived, though. Every medical report and other stuff I read on pub med had evidence that lower doses have worked and the highest that's been survived was 8 grams. It really is difficult. That woman I mentioned before, can you imagine how desperate she must have been to take an overdose of over 100 grams? And having it fail? It's so cruel.

 

[emgrl]

I don't remember if they had tried before, I'm sorry. I know it's the highest dose I've read of that's been survived, though. Every medical report and other stuff I read on pub med had evidence that lower doses have worked and the highest that's been survived was 8 grams. It really is difficult. That woman I mentioned before, can you imagine how desperate she must have been to take an overdose of over 100 grams? And having it fail? It's so cruel.

Hmmmm… maybe I don't know which post you mean then. That really scares me, 13g is a lot of propranolol

I can't imagine, it's so sad the lengths people are forced to go through, to try to find the peace they desire. It is cruel, my heart breaks for anyone that has experienced that.

 

[Amor]

Hmmmm… maybe I don't know which post you mean then. That really scares me, 13g is a lot of propranolol

I can't imagine, it's so sad the lengths people are forced to go through, to try to find the peace they desire. It is cruel, my heart breaks for anyone that has experienced that.

It's here. I got it wrong, they didn't mention when they were found. But they said that "13 grams wasn't enough for me, just gave me lifelong heart problems" and nothing else.

 

[emgrl]

It's here. I got it wrong, they didn't mention when they were found. But they said that "13 grams wasn't enough for me, just gave me lifelong heart problems" and nothing else.

I remember what you're taking about, I have no clue which thread it was though. I've been trying to search for it. If I find it, I'll post it here ♡

 

[Amor]

I remember what you're taking about, I have no clue which thread it was though. I've been trying to search for it. If I find it, I'll post it here ♡

I made a link on my previous post, I'm sorry, I got it wrong again. It's https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/propranolol-overdose.54335/

 

[emgrl]

I made a link on my previous post, I'm sorry, I got it wrong again. It's https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/propranolol-overdose.54335/

Oh yeah, I remember that thread. Again, so much isn't known. I feel it's a lot like SN, if you don't take enough, you'll suffer the side effects for longer, and ultimately survive. That's why I say, the more the better.

 

[Amor]

Oh yeah, I remember that thread. Again, so much isn't known. I feel it's a lot like SN, if you don't take enough, you'll suffer the side effects for longer, and ultimately survive. That's why I say, the more the better.

They didn't give much details at all. In the end, this should be fixed by just getting more drugs. But ingesting them gets more difficult. The more drugs, the better the chances of dying, but also the harder it gets to take them. We don't know their weight, height, when they were found, the medical attention they received... Most of the patients who survived from the reports I read had gotten a lot of medical attention, life support, cardiac massage for hours in a few cases, things like that. And if no one knows what I took in the first place maybe it'll be harder for them which is good. I wonder why do we still feel afraid and unsure if we have enough evidence that this could work?

 

[emgrl]

They didn't give much details at all. In the end, this should be fixed by just getting more drugs. But ingesting them gets more difficult. The more drugs, the better the chances of dying, but also the harder it gets to take them. We don't know their weight, height, when they were found, the medical attention they received... Most of the patients who survived from the reports I read had gotten a lot of medical attention, life support, cardiac massage for hours in a few cases, things like that. And if no one knows what I took in the first place maybe it'll be harder for them which is good. I wonder why do we still feel afraid and unsure if we have enough evidence that this could work?

Exactly, all of those points you have made are all factors to be considered.

I'm not sure why we're so scared, we have more than enough and have the knowledge to reduce the risk of failure… yet, I'm petrified.

 

[Amor]

Exactly, all of those points you have made are all factors to be considered.

I'm not sure why we're so scared, we have more than enough and have the knowledge to reduce the risk of failure… yet, I'm petrified.

I know that for those who are heavier the doses need to be adjusted, but at the same time 13 grams is a lot, I mean, I can't really understand how that could be survived. I try to think that my fear comes from my already failed attempt, and the trauma I have from having been in a coma for one week and everything that followed. In my case, I was found after more than 10 hours and all they gave me in the hospital was an oxygen mask like they give everyone else. No gastric lavage, no treatment of any kind apart from dextrose. They didn't think I would make it so they just left me there. Hospitals in my country are a mess because we don't even have basic drugs or proper machines (for life support and stuff like that). And I still failed. So this scares me, because I really thought it would work.

I'm petrified too. But I know I have to do it and I won't try to rationalize anything to my brain, maybe it's making me doubt everything as a way to keep me alive, survival instinct or something?

 

[emgrl]

I know that for those who are heavier the doses need to be adjusted, but at the same time 13 grams is a lot, I mean, I can't really understand how that could be survived. I try to think that my fear comes from my already failed attempt, and the trauma I have from having been in a coma for one week and everything that followed. In my case, I was found after more than 10 hours and all they gave me in the hospital was an oxygen mask like they give everyone else. No gastric lavage, no treatment of any kind apart from dextrose. They didn't think I would make it so they just left me there. Hospitals in my country are a mess because we don't even have basic drugs or proper machines (for life support and stuff like that). And I still failed. So this scares me, because I really thought it would work.

I'm petrified too. But I know I have to do it and I won't try to rationalize anything to my brain, maybe it's making me doubt everything as a way to keep me alive, survival instinct or something?

Right, weight definitely attributes to needing a higher dosage. 13 grams is a lot, and we don't know any other specifics besides the amount.

I'm so sorry you went through your trauma. Unfortunately, the type of pills you took, aren't the kind to be fatal. I can't believe you had to just lay there and suffer I don't think you'll have to be as afraid with this method, but I get the PTSD you must suffer from now.

Yes, that's what you're suffering from. Major SI, it's amazing how the human body works. In this case, it's just working against us.

 

[Amor]

Right, weight definitely attributes to needing a higher dosage. 13 grams is a lot, and we don't know any other specifics besides the amount.

I'm so sorry you went through your trauma. Unfortunately, the type of pills you took, aren't the kind to be fatal. I can't believe you had to just lay there and suffer I don't think you'll have to be as afraid with this method, but I get the PTSD you must suffer from now.

Yes, that's what you're suffering from. Major SI, it's amazing how the human body works. In this case, it's just working against us.

I really did think it would work because I had read reports of people dying with 5 grams of the barbiturate, and I took 6 grams. At the time, I had no money to buy more and I wasn't allowed to go outside, I was extremely controlled and restricted and I just decided to do it, but I do recognize I should have put more thought into it.

I suffered from the moment I woke up, but while I was falling under I felt calm and I felt no pain or physical discomfort at all.

It's really awful how it works against us. What are we even doing here apart from being in so much pain? I guess brains will do what they do and we just have to do what we need to despite that. It's a choice we need to make. I do have a backup plan, but I'd rather not use it. I really need this to work.

 

[emgrl]

I really did think it would work because I had read reports of people dying with 5 grams of the barbiturate, and I took 6 grams. At the time, I had no money to buy more and I wasn't allowed to go outside, I was extremely controlled and restricted and I just decided to do it, but I do recognize I should have put more thought into it.

I suffered from the moment I woke up, but while I was falling under I felt calm and I felt no pain or physical discomfort at all.

It's really awful how it works against us. What are we even doing here apart from being in so much pain? I guess brains will do what they do and we just have to do what we need to despite that. It's a choice we need to make. I do have a backup plan, but I'd rather not use it. I really need this to work.

There are two major concerns I have:
1- actually being able to drink it down
2- the time in between ingestion and passing out.

Those two things worry me so much. That's when it's time to put up or shut up.

Maybe you have an advantage because you've already overcame SI, you've done this before so you have been able to get the "poison" down? What's your backup plan?