Discussion For those who are lonely, do you try to meet people?

[Dr Iron Arc]

Reddit seems to have worked for me but it took months and it was a very bumpy road…

 

[Forever Sleep]

No, not anymore. I don't really care anymore lol. I used to have a lot of friends and go out a lot, but now I have no friends and never go out. I do have "friends" at work, but the closest one to my age is 10 years older than me (I'm 26 with no kids, they all are older women with kids and families) so they all have their own cliques that I don't fit in with since they're older and at different stages of life that I just don't relate to. So even at work, I'm pretty lonely. We do talk though and get along fine, but that's the extent of my social life. I'm not close with my family so there's really nothing in the way of that either. Not dating. No pets either, so essentially it's just me, myself, and I. It used to be really painful feeling so alone, but I'm at peace with it now as I don't plan on being around much longer. What's the point of making new friends when I'm not going to be around much longer? So now I don't really go out of my way to meet people or care much. I just fill my time watching movies and shows or TikToks and count down the days I have left on earth. It becomes easier when you find peace with being lonely instead of being sad about it.

I'm very similar to you. Not that I was ever a social butterfly. But yes, I think it gets more complicated as we age. I'm of the age that most friends now have families, children etc. Plus, when I used to work alongside others, it was the same. I also found I couldn't really relate so well. Plus, it was triggering for me hearing mothers talk, seeing as my Mum died when I was 3. I don't know, it just weirdly stired things up.

I do still have some childless friends who have more time to keep in touch. Plus, we relate to one another more. Maybe depressing but, I think some of my strongest friendships were/ are with people with mutually understood problems! We live so far apart now though.

I also feel morally better about not forming new contacts if I'm likely to CTB. It just doesn't seem fair. Plus, I don't want reasons or obligations to stay here now.

I'm also fortunate I suppose though in that I went through accepting being alone to actively appreciating it. I don't know that it will last of course but then, I've been ok for multiple years now so, hopefully it should.

 

[quins]

Not particularly. I'd hypothesized long ago that once you reach a certain age, once you pass some elect point in the past at which "networking" comes easiest, the effort thereafter to connect with others becomes too extraneous and humiliating. I live in one of the lower administrative points of [undisclosed location], which I settled into after years of moving around and observing mostly the same diffidence to life in all countries which exceed a certain standard-of-living threshold. Streets are highly decorative, not with Mardi Gras shit but telephone lines, thoroughfares and intersections, as if local bureaucracy had reabsorbed all the really good community-balanced stuff. It's easier if you're younger and you have access to young people I suppose, and honestly even if I was still young I wouldn't have the faintest idea where to go or who I could meet if I were starting from scratch. Life isn't a Joachim Trier movie where you can slip into cocktail parties unannounced and find a partner just like that. Or at least that isn't the case for me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not particularly. I'd hypothesized long ago that once you reach a certain age, once you pass some elect point in the past at which "networking" comes easiest, the effort thereafter to connect with others becomes too extraneous and humiliating. I live in one of the lower administrative points of [undisclosed location], which I settled into after years of moving around and observing mostly the same diffidence to life in all countries which exceed a certain standard-of-living threshold. Streets are highly decorative, not with Mardi Gras shit but telephone lines, thoroughfares and intersections, as if local bureaucracy had reabsorbed all the really good community-balanced stuff. It's easier if you're younger and you have access to young people I suppose, and honestly even if I was still young I wouldn't have the faintest idea where to go or who I could meet if I were starting from scratch. Life isn't a Joachim Trier movie where you can slip into cocktail parties unannounced and find a partner just like that. Or at least that isn't the case for me.

That's a really interesting observation. That technology has replaced community in a sense. Weird really isn't it? We're more connected digitally than we ever have been yet, so many of us feel isolated.

 

[GuyWhoDiesin2025]

ABSOLUTELY! I'm on TONS of different dating sites, have TONS of pictures and videos of me posted all over the internet but have not found anyone! it makes me really mad because i seriously have exhausted every single option i have. people also always slip away way too easily. i seriously feel like this world has nothing to offer me

 

[quins]

That's a really interesting observation. That technology has replaced community in a sense. Weird really isn't it? We're more connected digitally than we ever have been yet, so many of us feel isolated.

It is technology in a way, but I can't really speak from the perspective of a younger person who frequents that stuff. It creates a schism between the generations, I suppose. In all honesty, I've been isolated for a number of years now and that hasn't really changed since the universalization of social media. But I do know that it's a lot harder to find people up-and-about ready to socialize at the drop of a hat, unless you're frequenting some club or other, at least compared to the period when I was that age. But that depends on geography, mainly.

 

[Forever Sleep]

ABSOLUTELY! I'm on TONS of different dating sites, have TONS of pictures and videos of me posted all over the internet but have not found anyone! it makes me really mad because i seriously have exhausted every single option i have. people also always slip away way too easily. i seriously feel like this world has nothing to offer me

Are there any clubs or organisations to join in your area? Anything really- tennis, rambling, painting, a lecture series- whatever- where you are physically in the presence of others and talking to them? I know that can be terrifying for some of us. It would be for me but then, I feel like- if it's something someone actually wants- that's more like trying everything rather than only trying online.

It's almost like jobs in a way. Do you simply sign up to all the job agencies and, if they fail, decide you've done all you can? No- you probably need to do more research. Contact companies directly, explore other avenues.

The problem online is you're competing with millions of others. It just looks too much like shopping to me! Scrolling and swiping. Not to say people can't form relationships that way but, it's not the only avenue.

I think being in a place with a finite amount of people. Even sitting next to someone on a long coach trip, you are almost forced to talk to one another! Hopefully, if you're both attending something you're interested in, you have that shared interest to talk about.

I suppose I see online as possibly being fickle sometimes by its very nature. What really holds our attention for that long? We're always on to the next thing. I guess it's different if people are using it as a tool to form serious relationships. I don't know. I never pursued it that far.