I somewhat believe in god though I'm almost just as sure that he's not real which kinda makes no sense, like I feel like i'll burn in hell if I ctb but I also think that hell might just be made up, anyway, lately I have been trying to go back to believing in god because I realized I was so much happier when I had faith but no matter how much I try, pray, watch religious content etc my belief in him will never be as strong in him as it use too. At the same time, my desire to kms has also been growing lol, tho I have no painless ways to go anyway until I move away from my parents. To sum it up, I'm trying to cope with Jesus to make me feel better, but I can't truly believe in him, I'm still very suicidal. Still, don't want to kms until I'm at my lowest point, which isn't far because when I face any trouble in my life, I consider it my lowest point due to several earlier problems being stacked on top of a new one. In the end, I'm guessing I'll most likely end up kms at some point in my life sooner or later, truthfully, I wish I were a strong believer in god, but I can't force beliefs, sadly.
DivineSpark
Elementalist
- Feb 9, 2025
- 831
I am kinda conflicted, part of me wants to believe in God, but then I look at evidence (Evolution). I dont know, maybe there is something.
I'm undecided. I lean towards atheism but I have enough uncertainties to still make me afraid of a possible God and hell.
Regarding CTB and hell though, I feel kind of doomed regardless. I get the impression questioning and doubting God isn't well tolerated. So, for that alone, I imagine I'm already condemned. I also feel as if, if I ever meet God, I won't be able to keep my trap shut. I'll tell them just what I think of them- they already know anyhow I expect. So- that won't do me any favours either.
I also have to consider if I even want to go to heaven and be governed by the same creator/ ruler as this world. I don't think I do. I'm sure hell is way worse but, at least it would be more in line with my own principles. Which I oddly believe are good. I'm not prepared to kowtow to a being that demonstrates all the qualities of a narcissistic psychopath. I actually hope I can be brave enough to stand up to God and question them- despite the consequences. That weirdly feels like the right thing to do. So, I suppose I see hell coming regardless of CTB or waiting for God to inflict some horrible disease on me.
Regarding CTB and hell though, I feel kind of doomed regardless. I get the impression questioning and doubting God isn't well tolerated. So, for that alone, I imagine I'm already condemned. I also feel as if, if I ever meet God, I won't be able to keep my trap shut. I'll tell them just what I think of them- they already know anyhow I expect. So- that won't do me any favours either.
I also have to consider if I even want to go to heaven and be governed by the same creator/ ruler as this world. I don't think I do. I'm sure hell is way worse but, at least it would be more in line with my own principles. Which I oddly believe are good. I'm not prepared to kowtow to a being that demonstrates all the qualities of a narcissistic psychopath. I actually hope I can be brave enough to stand up to God and question them- despite the consequences. That weirdly feels like the right thing to do. So, I suppose I see hell coming regardless of CTB or waiting for God to inflict some horrible disease on me.
DivineSpark
Elementalist
- Feb 9, 2025
- 831
I got illogical fear of eternal hellfire and damnation, but most near death experiences I have read (99%) are about heaven, joy and pleasure. Very few are about hell.
Apathy79
Elementalist
- Oct 13, 2019
- 875
Mine was blissful. I wasn't suicidal at the time even remotely, I liked life, but compared to the NDE it was a massive disappointment coming back. The funny thing is in that state, you don't give a toss about your body/mind. It's just nothing, like part of the furniture. Everything to do with it is meaningless instantly.
I hope actual death is the same.
I hope actual death is the same.
It really comes down to belief I suppose. I don't see NDR's as proof of an afterlife myself. I think people have reported very similar sensations and visions on LSD trips. Not to say I'm sure of course but, I personally see NDR's as very intense- like dreams. I believe the brain is flooded with hormones/ chemicals at the time of death. It doesn't really surprise me that people experience things they never have in life.
Also that the experiences sound similar. Many people experience flying and falling dreams, their teeth falling out, being pursued, people breaking in to their house. Doesn't mean any of those things are real. Maybe our bodies 'see' or experience similar things when they are exposed to certain hormones/ chemicals.
Plus, how much of it is almost willed/ expected? Who hasn't heard about seeing light when we die? Maybe we imagine what we're expecting to see. That's personally why I really hope I can stay calm in the final moments. I don't want to be conjuring up something horrible. Seems almost likely though- seeing as my nightmares are horrible.
That's not to dissuade others believing what they want to. You could well be right. I tend to think they'll be nothing though. Like going under anaesthetic. One moment you're conscious, the next, you're not.
DivineSpark
Elementalist
- Feb 9, 2025
- 831
I got tons of spiritual experiences in life, so atheism is not an option for me. But people can believe what they want to believe.
StupidCat
retard
- Apr 24, 2025
- 280
Suicide is a sin, but not the biggest sin. As long as you believe in Jesus, nothing can take your salvation away.
Your faith in God may feel weaker because "....faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." James 2:17
Hell is a state of condition, not a place. The bible teaches that Jesus will come to this earth to set up his kingdom and judge us, not us going to a place of torment for eternity.
"And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever. Daniel 2:44
"When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats" Mathew 25: 31, 32
The Bible doesn't judge those who committed suicide for suicide (and it's full of suicides) but judges by whether they put their faith in God.
Hell is a state of condition, not a place. The bible teaches that Jesus will come to this earth to set up his kingdom and judge us, not us going to a place of torment for eternity.
"And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever. Daniel 2:44
"When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats" Mathew 25: 31, 32
The Bible doesn't judge those who committed suicide for suicide (and it's full of suicides) but judges by whether they put their faith in God.
Jesus committed suicide himself (not by his own hands but indirectly!) - he knew exactly what's gonna happen to him if he disturbed the order in Jerusalem at the time.
eattwinkiesseejesus
Praying for death to a God that doesn't answer
- Jan 18, 2025
- 132
I see you and your struggle 
for your internal battles reflect some of my own.
I'm a believer, I know Jesus is real - whether or not suicide is a direct sentence to hell or not I honestly couldn't say. I've read the Bible, I didn't notice any verse stating that those who commit suicide are doomed for eternity
. I understand how many could or would come to that conclusion but in my heart I just personally couldn't say for sure. Does my need to ctb come before my belief? I'm just not sure it matters, if God doesn't make mistakes and we were predestined before the foundation of the earth then our ending is predestined anyway, if I'm going to hell regardless of how hard I try to make it and end up succumbing to suicide in the process, the way I see it I just got to my end little faster.
for your internal battles reflect some of my own. I'm a believer, I know Jesus is real - whether or not suicide is a direct sentence to hell or not I honestly couldn't say. I've read the Bible, I didn't notice any verse stating that those who commit suicide are doomed for eternity
. I understand how many could or would come to that conclusion but in my heart I just personally couldn't say for sure. Does my need to ctb come before my belief? I'm just not sure it matters, if God doesn't make mistakes and we were predestined before the foundation of the earth then our ending is predestined anyway, if I'm going to hell regardless of how hard I try to make it and end up succumbing to suicide in the process, the way I see it I just got to my end little faster.
Mooncry
✦ 𝓕𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓼 𝓒𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓼 ✦
- Sep 11, 2024
- 275
You can be spiritual without following a premade religion. There's countless religions in the world who all think they're the "right" one, so why do you need to follow Christianity? Just because it's mainstream and popular?
You can have a set of spiritual beliefs that are tailored and personal to you. Like me, I believe in reincarnation, but I'm not Buddhist. I'm not religious, I'm spiritual. I don't align myself with religious belief systems because they're just too confining.
Anyway, rant over! Just know you can absolutely still believe in the idea of a one true god without it being so cookie-cutter, or believing that if you CTB, you'll be condemned to the fiery trenches. :U
You can have a set of spiritual beliefs that are tailored and personal to you. Like me, I believe in reincarnation, but I'm not Buddhist. I'm not religious, I'm spiritual. I don't align myself with religious belief systems because they're just too confining.
Anyway, rant over! Just know you can absolutely still believe in the idea of a one true god without it being so cookie-cutter, or believing that if you CTB, you'll be condemned to the fiery trenches. :U
divinemistress36
Angelic
- Jan 1, 2024
- 4,893
If we reincarnate I hope the next life is less challenging
FrownyFace
Is it suicide or sabotage you think
- May 15, 2024
- 42
I don't know if god is real. I'm open to the idea. But I also think if he's real, he doesn't care. There's too much suffering in this world
Mooncry
✦ 𝓕𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓼 𝓒𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓼 ✦
- Sep 11, 2024
- 275
I also believe that it's completely up to you when/if you want to or not. I don't know if we get to choose anything about what we become, but I do firmly believe we're not forced to if we don't want to, so you could take as long of a break as you need.
bankai
Visionary
- Mar 16, 2025
- 2,346
I hope you get to meet your dad like you wantedI also believe that it's completely up to you when/if you want to or not. I don't know if we get to choose anything about what we become, but I do firmly believe we're not forced to if we don't want to, so you could take as long of a break as you need.
