For those doing partial: How did you overcome the fear of possible brain damage?

[Ijustwantpeace]

A couple times. I can't practice like I want because once you black out you're not in control anymore and there's no real good place in my room to simulate the bathroom in the hotel.

You were talking about the bridge....

you misunderstood me.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

Since I'm in a very toxic marriage, if my husband would happen to discover me before I go (unlikely if I time it while he's playing a game with his headset on. I've disappeared for an hour at points with him not looking around and seeing that I had left, or when he is sleeping) and because of past experiences of how little he took care of me when I dislocated my kneecap (which left me with permanent damage) and how little he remembers to take care of himself and our cat unless repeatedly told... he would probably end up killing me accidentally if I ended up braindead anyway, so I am not too worried that on my exit day that things will go well.

 

[peacechoice]

I feel trapped as well. Why don't we all save up and travel to a country where Nembutal is sold and drink it all together. Like a goodbye party?

 

[cii]

Brain damage shouldn't happen if you're practicing, because you always have control when you practice. Never anchor the rope to anything when you are practicing and you will be fine. You also have to keep in mind every method has a failure rate, partial is nothing special, so it's just overcoming the fear of failure really.

The best way to overcome the fear of failure is preparedness. You're scared because you think you might fuck it up. So make sure you don't mess up, do everything in your power to ensure that you know what you're doing and you've done everything you could. It will take time. It took me 6+ months to figure out partial and get over my personal fears regarding ctb. You just have to keep trying your best. Hanging is somewhat more reliable than other methods like jumping or using a gun, so you're not in the worst of hands (provided you don't get caught).

I personally was never afraid of getting brain damage, and this is coming from someone who actually got brain damage lol. (not from partial but some other method I used, nothing severe). Maybe when I was younger I was a little worried, but then I exposed myself to videos of people who ctbed so much that I just figured, "They overcame the pain and fear that comes with this. I can do it too." I don't recommend that though as it can be a bit traumatizing for some people, I'm sure you can find other ways.

 

[I screwed up]

I agree! And there's a lot of young people I've read that have hung themselves. Very young. I just can't fathom it. It's too scary.. I guess you have to be really desperate? I don't know.. I wish I could

In my country majority of ctb is by hanging. Also a large chunk of them are by children below ages of 16-18 ... Wonder how they get the courage. I am here at 40 and shitting in my pants at the thought of full suspension.. I am so freakin scared to ctb .. And also know that I have no choice but to ctb. Don't know what to do .. Am so desperate

 

[Meditation guide]

how little he took care of me when I dislocated my kneecap (which left me with permanent damage) and how little he remembers to take care of himself and our cat unless repeatedly told... he would probably end up killing me accidentally if I ended up braindead anyway, so I am not too worried that on my exit day that things will go well.

I wish you had a way to take yourself and the cat away from him. It sounds like hell to live with such a person.

 

[Kruger]

Makes me consider jumping instead even though it's really scary,

The fear of brain damage is the only thing holding me back. Even with other methods like SN, you get edema of the brain even if found and saved: i have a brain tumour so that will highly likely mean brain damage for me, whereas other people could recover from it.

In my country majority of ctb is by hanging. Also a large chunk of them are by children below ages of 16-18 ... Wonder how they get the courage. I am here at 40 and shitting in my pants at the thought of full suspension.. I am so freakin scared to ctb .. And also know that I have no choice but to ctb. Don't know what to do .. Am so desperate

I think that younger people don't think things through as mauch as older people - by that I mean I don't think they research everything as thoroughly to assess the risks of failure. Just my opinion, but I think they act more impulsively.

 

[Fentanull]

Well, personally I find a little comfort in this:
There are, more or less, three options with brain damage.

1. Severe brain damage to the point that your default mode of consciousness is no longer viable for your brain to keep up. In this case, even if you did end up brain damage you'd most likely be too fucked mentally to even have the capacity to understand it as suffering- that's assuming you're ever even able to wake up in the first place.
2. Mild brain damage that causes motor skills/speech/etc... problems, but was mild enough that the cognitive impairments heal over time.
3. Mild brain damage like I've formerly described, except it doesn't heal and renders yourself suffering worse or, in the worst of cases, suffering worse and unable to even try killing yourself again.

The way I see things, number 3 is considerably less likely than the former options. However, when I finally get my hands on a gun I'm going to walk deep into the woods and make damn sure no one finds me so there's no chance.