“For some, suicide is just delayed to a later date”

[Water-Lily]

This is an interpretation of a quote I found on a subreddit. I feel this rings true for me. Maybe not now, but I feel I will inevitably attempt suicide. Likely unsuccessfully, but I likely will do it.

I didn't ask for this life. I didn't ask for severe mental illness. Permanent trauma that therapy will not stop. And a shitty early childhood/Natalists.

I started self sabotaging again. I starved, didn't clean myself all that well, and had to call suicide hotline for an hour skipping work. I had to face up to my manager who was, thankfully, understanding. But I know I will be on heavy watch and I ruined my likability as a crew member.

I cut off hundreds of people, blocked and deleted numbers, and I don't want to cause pain anymore.

Suicide for me isn't so I can stop hurting, but it's so I can stop hurting others

Hopefully one day, I won't suffer anymore. The idea of assisted suicide feels pleasurable

 

[FuneralCry]

It is such a cruel and unfair world that we live in. Many people are disadvantaged through no fault of their own. Life is completely unnecessary, if you never exist it means that you never suffer. More than anything, I wish that I was never born. To me, it is horrifying the amount of pain that exists in this world. Death comforts me personally as it is the end to all my suffering. All that I want is to peacefully pass away.

I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation. Even know it will not be any time soon, I also believe that I will attempt someday. I think that eventually I will get desperate enough to overcome the fear of failure. I cannot imagine myself dying from anything other than suicide. I wish you the best.

 

[Water-Lily]

It is such a cruel and unfair world that we live in. Many people are disadvantaged through no fault of their own. Life is completely unnecessary, if you never exist it means that you never suffer. More than anything, I wish that I was never born. To me, it is horrifying the amount of pain that exists in this world. Death comforts me personally as it is the end to all my suffering. All that I want is to peacefully pass away.

I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation. Even know it will not be any time soon, I also believe that I will attempt someday. I think that eventually I will get desperate enough to overcome the fear of failure. I cannot imagine myself dying from anything other than suicide. I wish you the best.

Thanks. I honestly wouldn't mind life. If I had loving family, no mental illnesses, and no trauma especially in my childhood to young adulthood. If I had that, I probably wouldn't even be on this site. But because I was fucked over so many times, I'd rather not anymore

 

[Aeathelina]

I keep delaying my death out of pure Catholic fear that I would damned to hell or that my attempt would fail and i would be left in a worse state than before.
I didn't want to be born into this world and yet it's frowned upon to leave

 

[Water-Lily]

I keep delaying my death out of pure Catholic fear that I would damned to hell or that my attempt would fail and i would be left in a worse state than before.
I didn't want to be born into this world and yet it's frowned upon to leave

I feel that. It's so sad that there is such shame around suicide. Suicide is an escape from pain. Wanting to escape something painful is not shameful or wrong. Religion is very corrupt.

Nonetheless I hope suicide is a decision you won't have to make. I hope that in time you will feel better and experience happiness. Though I don't wish that for myself. I have given up on that regard.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I like your interpretation of the quote. I feel it rings true for me as well. Right now things aren't as bad as they were in some ways, but at the same time I'm certain I will attempt again and I still can't stand my every day life. I can even see myself going a much more painful route one day. I believe one day I will be successful though since I feel I'm dumb enough to just try enough things for it to work. Or else it'll go so badly I'll end up hospitalized for a long while or just watched around the clock.

I'm really sorry for the bad hand you've been dealt. I'm glad your manager was understanding and props to you for working. I hope you haven't ruined your likability, but maybe you will end up not liking the position regardless and want to try other things. And being a people-pleaser isn't the best route either.

Suicide for me isn't so I can stop hurting, but it's so I can stop hurting others

I really relate to this, I feel this so often anymore. Honestly it can be a relief if others ditch me. At this point it doesn't hurt so much since the one I cared for deeply did it three times haha at least lol but there are a few people and family I know I'll hurt, and I hate that. Even being my depressed self around others, I hate that. Even my non-depressed self shouldn't be around others. I've gotten so toxic and realize this keenly, and I try in vain to tell others. It hurts me to become less and less of anything I'd ever want to be, and I don't want to hurt anyone. So all the more reason to back up my one desire. I'm sorry you feel this way as well. It's an awful place to end up, since it does still end up hurting us again and again.

Best wishes going forward. You have made progress and I hope you'll be able to reap a few benefits from it at least, you deserve that.