Venting fml

[Mixk009]

Tfw when you write up everything but you decide to delete it and not post. I'm posting this instead.

....... I'm almost 22 I don't know how to cope or get help and I don't have money to suicide ugh. I'm not jumping or anything. Maybe drown if I'm desperate. Hopefully a pact. But I'm not even quite ready until I'm fully homeless. Which is probably soon ugh

I hate living

 

[iHeartRockArt]

Tfw when you write up everything but you decide to delete it and not post. I'm posting this instead.

....... I'm almost 22 I don't know how to cope or get help and I don't have money to suicide ugh. I'm not jumping or anything. Maybe drown if I'm desperate. Hopefully a pact. But I'm not even quite ready until I'm fully homeless. Which is probably soon ugh

I hate living

I'm so sorry you're going through this rough time. No one should have to be in this situation. Just curious, is being homeless you're primary reason to CTB? Or do you have other issues going on too?

 

[Mixk009]

I'm so sorry you're going through this rough time. No one should have to be in this situation. Just curious, is being homeless you're primary reason to CTB? Or do you have other issues going on too?

I have bad anxiety and agoraphobia. I don't have friends or anyone. Mom disowned me. I don't work and I can't seem to find a job I can hold. My bf isn't loving me, but I absolutely love him. It's complicated. This place I live in is toxic (his moms). If I leave i'm homeless. But I also have $0, so I can't afford anything right now, not even next months rent (no lease). I hate being transgender. I have no idea how to move forward my trans stuff. I'm so scared of presenting so I stay closeted, but it's so awkward because I'm starting to look very girly. And I have no idea how to girl. I don't even have an idea how to boy.

Medical issues like ibs-c and an anal fissure that isn't going away. Absolutely sexually frustrated because I don't have a vagina. I'm also absolutely ecstatic and terrified of having breasts. Like how do I even feel comfortable with them just out there? I also have ptsd so this place triggers me. The only thing I do to cope is smoke weed and play runescape. And I feel like I haven't gone a day crying since birth. Oh yeah, ptsd. Not officially diagnosed, but do you think me constantly thinking about my past and sometimes reliving moments is ptsd? Idk. I also hate me.

I'm obviously high rn :P. But, yeah I don't even know where to begin to fix myself. I know I need a job and prob someone to talk things with. But, it's like sometimes whats the point. I don't really find anything fun besides taking care of my health, playing video games, and chilling. I'd love to have girl friends and stuff, but idk how that'll happen.

I also hate this fantasy I build in my head constantly while I day dream. It's like escaping into a different reality where I'm this beautiful girl and I'm a wife and...

But at the same time death is pretty fucking cool...

I also have low confidence and self-esteem I guess. Uhh, I can go on and on.

I'll delete this soon.

 

[Dead_Inside]

All of that sounds damn miserable ... I am sorry that life is going shitty for you.
One of the worst things that happens here in this world - (and on this site)- is when we can't find our place. We fantasize/daydream about the person and world we want to be and be part of.... but it's always so damn far away.
Certainly you shouldn't feel bad for who you are. Just feel bad for the people who cant even get as close as you are to being the person you want and need to be.
Those on this forum are some of the nicest and genuine humans I have gotten to talk to. I think you can find people here to talk stuff out with. Just don't rush into anything - suicide requires more patience than most would expect.

 

[Ghab]

Not being pro life or anything but...it's society that makes homelessness out to be a horrible, shameful thing, in reality it's possible to willingly enter into homelessness to travel (like I've done) or just to cut down on expenses. It's possible to survive off dumpsters. I'm currently living that life and you should know, it has a lot of freedom to it. It's not that bad and I meet tons of new people everyday that I never would've if I had gone with what society told me and gotten a real job (I busk ukulele). If I had gotten a real job, I would've worked a monotonous job I probably hated while only having a small one week vacation to realistically only go someplace in neighboring state. With this lifestyle I'm traveling across the entire country every fucking day. And it's awesome. It's just something to think about. Choose what you want, we'll all respect it either way.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Damn, I envy homelessness more than ever. Always thought it wouldn't be half bad.

I'm stuck with that monotonous job you're talking about. But I have a month vacation. But I hate life so much I barely want to go to the neighboring county, much less another state. Unless it's Oregon to get some seconal. If I just had cancer now instead of having to wait to get 50 some years old.

But if you're desperate enough, money won't keep you from killing yourself. I'm getting more and more accepting of just sawing on myself, jumping, hanging, methods I'd have never considered in the past.