Yes, my boyfriend in high school. It didn't deter me, we were both already considering it at that point. I feel like I've never fully processed it. He went out in a way I can't fathom myself doing, and that part made me truly uneasy. I still don't know if it was an impulsive decision or if he had been planning it and waiting for an opportunity like I am now. Our relationship wasn't public so I didn't get to attend his funeral or talk about it, felt like he was there one day and then the next he just vanished. Those years are kind of a blur so I'm not sure what else I felt. I'd say I was angry and depressed, but I was always angry and depressed.
A year or two later, can't remember exactly, a friend of mine had a meltdown during lunch. It turned out a friend of his CBT recently and he had been bottling it up, none of us knew it happened until then. I can't remember what set him off but he smashed his things on the road and screamed before sitting down to cry. The rest of us were silent. He was angry, but not angry at the girl. I don't think he was the type to call it a selfish act. I kind of regret that I never tried to talk to him about it. It might have helped me figure out my own feelings on the matter. Still, that moment forced me to think about how it effects other people. I felt terrible for my friend, but even though I didn't know that girl, I still felt like she probably had a good reason to do what she did. Then again, we were teens at the time. Who knows really...
