Story First suicide attempt

[BitterlyAlive]

It was earlier this year. I've definitely considered suicide before and have had ideas for methods, but generally had something I could do instead (changing jobs, majors, getting more college in). Things had been building and building for a while and one night it's like I was in a trance. I was so tired and fed up. Feeling more apathetic and impulsive due to meds. I saw a chance to die and I started taking it, then realized at the last second that it wasn't how I wanted to die and aborted the attempt right before I hurt myself. But I was completely calm and ready to die.

 

[RC90]

It was earlier this year. I've definitely considered suicide before and have had ideas for methods, but generally had something I could do instead (changing jobs, majors, getting more college in). Things had been building and building for a while and one night it's like I was in a trance. I was so tired and fed up. Feeling more apathetic and impulsive due to meds. I saw a chance to die and I started taking it, then realized at the last second that it wasn't how I wanted to die and aborted the attempt right before I hurt myself. But I was completely calm and ready to die.

Same I was very calm and ready and actually happy to go.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I tried to cut my veins with a razor blade when I was around 14-15 years old. I only damaged the surface of the skin, though.

 

[RC90]

I tried to cut my veins with a razor blade when I was around 14-15 years old. I only damaged the surface of the skin, though.

Same here, wrists and forearm, instead cut more tissue and muscle and didn't reach any artery I needed. Ended up with 20 stitches and a kick ass scar.

 

[Meditation guide]

I took around 40 Diazepams,

The first peaceful pill handbook recommended this dose for ctb. 10 mg pills, not the 5 mg.

 

[RC90]

The first peaceful pill handbook recommended this dose for ctb. 10 mg pills, not the 5 mg.

Wish I knew that back then.

 

[Meditation guide]

Wish I knew that back then.

Me too. That sticks in my mind after all these years.

 

[Deathbydemo]

I OD'ed on some mysterious pills that I found in my brothers wardrobe when I was 16. Unfortunately, I didn't die but instead experienced some strange, hallucinogenic things like watching hair grow up my walls, phantom phone calls and other really bizarre things. It was trippy as hell, so who the hell knows what they were.

that was my first attempt. There's been one other since. On my last attempt, with or without SN, I will succeed.

 

[RC90]

I OD'ed on some mysterious pills that I found in my brothers wardrobe when I was 16. Unfortunately, I didn't die but instead experienced some strange, hallucinogenic things like watching hair grow up my walls, phantom phone calls and other really bizarre things. It was trippy as hell, so who the hell knows what they were.

that was my first attempt. There's been one other since. On my last attempt, with or without SN, I will succeed.

seemed like you had a bad trip like the lsd type.

 

[Deathbydemo]

seemed like you had a bad trip like the lsd type.

Yeah, must have been something like that. It was a strange experience for sure, but I only wish it killed me then.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I don't know if you can call it an attempt, really. I was 19. My mother had just discovered my sexuality and the reaction was not good, to say the least. I stayed in my bedroom for three weeks. At one point, I went to the kitchen to get a sharp knife. I kept it in the bedroom with me and I wanted to kill myself. I often kept it pressed against my wrist or stomach, but never dared to pierce anything. I had no idea what I was doing. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have succeeded.

My first serious attempt was this past May. I ran away to a hotel room about 60 miles away. Left notes for family and friends. Went through the whole SN routine... except for the final step. I thought I had the whole night. I could try it again. But I was found before I could.

 

[death137]

When I was 18 I tried to drink bleach but I don't consider it a genuine attempt to really die. The first genuine attempt was when I was 19 I tried to jump from a window.

 

[RC90]

When I was 18 I tried to drink bleach but I don't consider it a genuine attempt to really die. The first genuine attempt was when I was 19 I tried to jump from a window.

Bleach eh? Ouch! Yeah I considered jumping myself too. But SI always kicked in. Just not strong enough to do that personally speaking.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I've never attempted yet either

I fear that because I've never attempted before, I'm much more likely to fail but I really need to when the time comes (very soon). I cannot afford to fail period.

 

[RC90]

I fear that because I've never attempted before, I'm much more likely to fail but I really need to when the time comes (very soon). I cannot afford to fail period.

Yeah same here, if I ever do it again I wont fail.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I fear that because I've never attempted before, I'm much more likely to fail but I really need to when the time comes (very soon). I cannot afford to fail period.

It may also help you be more successful. Some people end up traumatized from past attempts, which can affect future attempts. You at least don't have anything like that to manage? (Sorry, trying to offer perspective and may sound like a jerk)

 

[RC90]

It may also help you be more successful. Some people end up traumatized from past attempts, which can affect future attempts. You at least don't have anything like that to manage? (Sorry, trying to offer perspective and may sound like a jerk)

I've tried around 6 or 7 times.

 

[Wayfaerer]

It may also help you be more successful. Some people end up traumatized from past attempts, which can affect future attempts. You at least don't have anything like that to manage? (Sorry, trying to offer perspective and may sound like a jerk)

Maybe but I've also heard the opposite because the more and more attempts you've made the more desensitized you become to suicide. I don't know, maybe it depends on one's own experience as I can also see it from your point of view as well. No, you don't sound like a jerk at all

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I've tried around 6 or 7 times.

I'm sorry if my post was offensive or anything :(

Maybe but I've also heard the opposite because the more and more attempts you've made the more desensitized you become to suicide. I don't know, maybe it depends on one's own experience as I can also see it from your point of view as well. No, you don't sound like a jerk at all

Yeah it could go either way. I personally feel more able to kill myself after this year.

 

[BrokenGirl]

On my first attempt, I took a pack of sleeping pills and passed out a few times, but as you can see, I unfortunately survived

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I was around 16 or 17, attempted partial, failed obviously

 

[somewherebeyond]

I was about 9 or 10 and tried to jump out of a first story window at after school club. Looking back it was odd that nothing happened after that incident. I just got pulled from the ledge, went home and had dinner.

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

My first legitimate attempt was at age 15, I think all I did was take a full bottle of mixed NSAIDs, some sleep meds, and half a bottle of prozac, thinking it would do something. I think it was more a call for help at that time than anything, because I ended up going to the hospital voluntarily afterwards.
The next more 'serious' one was 10 months later, though I still didn't have a hand on any medications that could cause fatal damage. I think I took a full bottle of naproxen, ibuprofen and buproprion on impulse? All that did was make me dizzy.
Got admitted to the ER a second time then, ended up spending 9 days in a neuropsych institute.
After each attempt, I just kind of hit the ground running again into school and work, part of me still questions those experiences and their effect on me.
I've had three other attempts since those last two, it's kind of funny to look back on what I used and thought was sensible at the time.

 

[ending80]

The first peaceful pill handbook recommended this dose for ctb. 10 mg pills, not the 5 mg.

The first peaceful pill handbook recommended this dose for ctb. 10 mg pills, not the 5 mg.

I have read that it is not possible to ctb with an I'd of benzo

I have read that it is not possible to ctb with an I'd of benzo

Sorry meant to say od of benzo

 

[Meditation guide]

I have read that it is not possible to ctb with an I'd of benzo

I have no idea but I had that book for a long time and that was the main recommended way as I recall. They might have had other ways but that was the one I remembered.

 

[ending80]

I have no idea but I had that book for a long time and that was the main recommended way as I recall. They might have had other ways but that was the one I remembered.

I just read it and it does not say that. It does not mention benzos at all. I wish it did because that is my preferred method to ctb which I would like to do very soon. Now I'm struggling to find I different way.

I just read it and it does not say that. It does not mention benzos at all. I wish it did because that is my preferred method to ctb which I would like to do very soon. Now I'm struggling to find I different way.

If you search the peaceful pill handbook on this site you will find a copy of it downloaded if you would like to read it again

 

[Meditation guide]

I just read it and it does not say that. It does not mention benzos at all.

Do you have the first edition ever published a long time ago because yes that does say that. There have been more than one edition over the years. This was before the internet. It was a paperback book. I don't think you understood that. It was over 20 years ago.

 

[Pandu]

Cuando tenia 12, comence a tener pensamientos suicidas, a los 13 conoci a un chico que vivia en mexico, asi que tuve una relación amorosa a distancia, hasta que me termino alos 15, dejamos de hablar, luego de eso empece a tener relaciones con un chico que "me gustaba", quede en embarazo y lamentablemente tuve un aborto, cuando cumpli 16 realice mi primer intento de suicidio, me corte las manos y piernas y me tome 10 tabletas de paracetamol, y de Ibuprofeno entre otras, funciono, me llevaron a la clinica, y me hicieron lavado de estómago.
Ahora tengo 18 años, me di cuenta que el chico al que me gustaba se suicido el 27 de enero del 2020, se tiro a los rieles del tren, y lo corto a la mitad, por eso me corte las venas y me desangre en el mes de enero, me han internado 3 veces en una clinica mental, tomo pastillas para la depresion y bipolaridad, solo espero que para este fin de año, pueda tomar el autobús.

 

[AnotherBrick]

I find mine funny looking back.
I was 13, and I tried hanging myself with a fucking elasticated skipping rope!
Sigh...

That's such a strikingly sad image, a child trying to hang themselves with a jump rope.

My first serious attempt was this past May. I ran away to a hotel room about 60 miles away. Left notes for family and friends. Went through the whole SN routine... except for the final step. I thought I had the whole night. I could try it again. But I was found before I could.

Wow, that's pretty much my plan. (It was partial hanging but SS convinced me of SN instead). I don't blame you, it's a tough thing and it shouldn't be forced. I guess if you try again maybe look into delayed texts/emails? That's what I'm thinking.

Ahora tengo 18 años, me di cuenta que el chico al que me gustaba se suicido el 27 de enero del 2020, se tiro a los rieles del tren, y lo corto a la mitad, por eso me corte las venas y me desangre en el mes de enero, me han internado 3 veces en una clinica mental, tomo pastillas para la depresion y bipolaridad, solo espero que para este fin de año, pueda tomar el autobús.

Mis condolencias, no puedo imaginar el dolor que soportas. espero que encuentres la paz. (También utilicé el traductor de Google, mis disculpas si esto no tiene sentido).

Personally, I've half assed it twice. Once wasn't even an attempt, it was more testing the waters to see if I could manage to tie a proper slipknot and (hitch?) knot. After I did, I chilled with it around my neck and pressed down some, but backed out when I started feeling sleepy (I was also shitfaced. Brilliant /s.) Looking back, this would have been the ideal time to do it as things have not improved since then (2017).

Second time (2019), I was hysterical with only a kitchen knife to use. I kept trying to talk myself up into stabbing my heart/abdomen, and even raised it a couple times, but never broke skin. I'm a little bitch when it comes to pain and stabbing is not my ideal method. Eventually gave up.

I think SS has well prepared me for if and when I decide any serious attempts, so I'm confident I can achieve it if I really commit.

 

[ending80]

Do you have the first edition ever published a long time ago because yes that does say that. There have been more than one edition over the years. This was before the internet. It was a paperback book. I don't think you understood that. It was over 20 years ago.

Well maybe you could be of great help to me. I have done much research on ctb with benzo but have found that it appears to be extremely unlikely. But since this the means I have and my preferred method and the fact that I am in desperate need of a way to ctb any information you can give me about this method would be greatly appreciated