First steps

[leftdreaming]

I want to get better, but it's really hard. I don't know where to start and I think I'm just getting worse and worse. Anyone have any advice?

 

[necrolatry]

I'd say there are some general steps such as to take care of your own (body) health, eat/sleep well etc. but they can be seen as superficial (though they will still help!). There's a compilation of resources and things you can do here. Depending on what you're dealing with you might want to seek professional help if it's available to you. Close friends or recovery partners that genuinely care about you can often give you more specific advice tailored to your situation, often helps to just not eat up any negativity that occurs. All of that is also possible here if you are comfortable being more specific about your situation !

 

[Sweet Tart]

I try to feel hope in the unknown- that something could come along and shift my perspective enough to give my life direction and meaning. I hope that just being available and willing to accept what life offers could result in something happening that changes my perspective and gives me faith that there could be a better life for me.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I myself have looked in the mirror with the eyes of my soul on several occasions, and asked myself what is bothering me - trying to understand why it is.

Sometimes I see a clear picture of when some factor has caused a crack in it (trauma), but often I have to grope for fragments in the dark. They can be sharp at times.

They fall into place like a puzzle, which gives a more complete and measured reflection of myself. I speak to it sympathetically and supportively. When the darkness is faced, the light takes its place.

 

[Seven Threads]

Hey there, leftdreaming! I'm glad to hear that you're trying to get better, though I'll admit I'm also curious about what exactly that means to you.

This actually leads in to the first but of advice I have for you: figure out what 'getting better' means. It doesn't have to be one single thing, you can work on a few different areas, but having some understanding of exactly what you want to get better makes it a lot easier to focus on making real progress. In my case, I want to be more proactive, spend more of my life actually doing things that are meaningful to me instead of mindlessly consuming youtube and videogames anytime I'm free. I'd also like to spend more social time with friends and family (very much an isolated hermit right now) and also be better at consistently keeping up with practical domestic tasks such as dishes, laundry, and general cleaning.

The next thing I'll say is don't expect too much. This isn't to say don't try, and it isn't to say don't have high hopes or aspirations. But I've found that a lot of people get into trouble because they want to see big results and dramatic changes early on, but that isn't really how it works. Recovery is usually a slow, incremental process, with a whole lot of pitfalls and relapses. It's a marathon, not a sprint. And what can often happen is someone can become disappointed or discouraged by a lack of visible progress, which can cause them to give up and sink deeper into whatever hole they're trying to climb out of. And even when you do make little gains and slow progress, it can feel so insignificant that it doesn't seem like you're getting anywhere at all. Every self-defeating thought and impulse in the book is going to be there with you, trying to rob you of the power of any gains you do manage to make, so you're not really going to get that sense of achievement at first. It's important to understand that going in, so you don't fall into the trap of losing hope when it feels like you're not getting anywhere.

The last thing I can say is this: stay connected. Find people you can lean on and confide in, who can keep up with your progress with you and maybe notice things that you miss. Going it alone is extremely discouraging. If you don't have people in your real life who can back you up and motivate you to keep going, then lean on some people here. There's plenty of people in this community who will happily back you up in your efforts, and try to pick you back up on your feet when you're feeling down. It's worth reaching out.

I hope some of this is helpful to you! Let us know how you're faring, okay?

 

[SoftWorries]

I'd start with identifying any physical pain you're in and finding a way to solve it.

Focus on the body pain and treating it. When I remember to do this and fit any physical discomfort I can often do a another task if it's easy enough.

When I don't focus on my body first I feel like I'm just dragging my corpse around the room. Productivity weekend at Bernie's style

 

[andaira2k]

Hey leftdreaming,
I am more than happy to hear, that you want to get better!
You will have to figure out, what makes you happy and what doesn't. Try to dodge things, that make you feel bad and try to catch things, that make you feel good.
For me for example, it can be just food, that makes me happy. So as an example, just go to a nice place to eat something tasty and just appreciate that moment. You will have to start appreciating the little things in life.
Maybe just an ice cream on a sunny evening can make you feel amazing. Then take that good feeling into your bed and consider, how good that day has been and what to do on the next day.
Just one, simple way, that would work for me, but of course there a various other ways like trying out a new sport to get into new circles.
Best of luck :)

 

[LaVieEnRose]

An idea I've had: we here all tend to agonize over every decision. I wonder if a radical approach is what is most indicated. Pick a direction in life that holds even a little interest or promise and start moving in it.

 

[That's Not Me]

Hello leftdreaming!!! I may not be the most appropriate person to tell you anything, since I am getting worse, but I have been through this and there are some things that have worked for me that I can tell you about. Be aware that you have already taken an important step towards improvement, which is to identify that you are doing badly, to want to get better, and to seek help. To begin with, you can identify the cycles that make you unwell and set yourself an ultimate goal to break these cycles, and set small goals to achieve this goal. Don't pressure yourself to set very big goals. This will give you a very good feeling of mission accomplished, and you will be able to feel that you are improving little by little, and you won't feel too bad if you don't succeed. For example: if you notice that one cycle that keeps you from getting better is your sleep, put as an end goal "go to sleep earlier", and as a task "every day go to sleep 10 minutes earlier". If you try from one day to the next to go to sleep early, the chance that you won't succeed is higher, and this can frustrate you. Another example: if you think that something that holds you back is isolating yourself too much, put as an end goal "go out with some friends somewhere in two months at most", and as a minus goal you can put "twice a week I will join some random discord server to talk to people". The weeks that you can't do this, don't feel bad, and the weeks that you can, celebrate. It is important, at least for me, to have a sense of whether I am doing better or worse, and celebrating these small achievements can be a good way to get that sense. You can celebrate by commenting to someone who cares and you know, giving yourself some small reward, or even making a thread here on the forum in which you post your progress. Of course the examples I gave are completely random, and only you can figure out which cycles are holding you back, but you can get help figuring it out by talking to someone who cares or, if possible, you can get help from a behavioral therapist.
I agree with everything that the user Seven Threads said. Improving does not mean "being excellent". As I said, it is possible to find contentment in small actions. If you set very big goals, you probably won't even have the energy to start. Starting with small steps is much better than waiting for the right time to take a big step. Although I really recommend that you try to avoid this place as much as possible to get better, if you want someone to talk to and don't feel comfortable with anywhere else on the internet, you can talk to people here. This has helped me a lot. You don't have to become the most popular person on ss hehehehe, just pick a person who can listen to you and tell you about your day. You can call me if you want.
One thing that helped me was to have a kind of mantra in my head every time I felt like I just wanted to stay in bed all day. Mine was "Break Away" because of this song. Think of something upbeat and uplifting and repeat it to yourself whenever the side of you that wants to get worse speaks louder. I know it sounds like self-help crap, but it can help.
Good luck. I'm rooting for you to get better.