Discussion First sexual experience

[obei]

Hey guys be my parents and have sex talk w me </3

So I (18f) am a virgin. Lately Ive been talking to this guy that I met in a mental hospital (hes 27 lol) and we came across sex and he wants to do it w me. I told him I never had it and he is fine w it. He is fine, and I might get us a room (he hasnt got much money since he is going to therapy to fight his own addictions) in a hotel or apartment, since I dont want my first time being in a car or smth.
It all seems okay, but I cant help but feel like an object. Like every man just wants me for sex (this isnt my firs time experiencing this) and no one wants me to be in a serious relationship, or to even have kids. Ik I am really young to want all this but at least I would like for someone to be w me cause they wanna have deep conversations w me or have a walk w me. Hot to have sex or make out w me.
I cant help but feel like an object for mens attraction. Like I am not worthy of anything else.
Ill prob just go with it and have one time sex w them and not care…
Also, I wanna hear how it feels to have first sex.
How does it feel? Does it hurt? How much? According to size how does it feel?

 

[kelimackie]

Hey, please don't do it with this person. The first time is something important, no need to rush it just to know what it feels like.

It's going to hurt anyway, so being with someone you trust and feel comfortable with is vital for a good experience.

 

[staplestable]

seriously think about this, wouldn't you prefer a partner with a meaningful relationship than some guy 9 years older than you?
you yourself said you feel like an object, which to me sounds like it as well.
my personal values would tell you to save yourself for someone that cares for you and to have some self respect.

 

[daydreams]

If you don't have the desire, don't do it
It's not that pleasurable

 

[Raindancer]

I'll chime in with the same, please do not do it. You will always remember your first time. Mine was very painful and the aftermath was hysterical. I would have died if it had been with some person I did not know. I would want you to wait until it is with someone you have a connection with.

 

[theRetroHawk]

Hey guys be my parents and have sex talk w me </3

So I (18f) am a virgin. Lately Ive been talking to this guy that I met in a mental hospital (hes 27 lol) and we came across sex and he wants to do it w me. I told him I never had it and he is fine w it. He is fine, and I might get us a room (he hasnt got much money since he is going to therapy to fight his own addictions) in a hotel or apartment, since I dont want my first time being in a car or smth.
It all seems okay, but I cant help but feel like an object. Like every man just wants me for sex (this isnt my firs time experiencing this) and no one wants me to be in a serious relationship, or to even have kids. Ik I am really young to want all this but at least I would like for someone to be w me cause they wanna have deep conversations w me or have a walk w me. Hot to have sex or make out w me.
I cant help but feel like an object for mens attraction. Like I am not worthy of anything else.
Ill prob just go with it and have one time sex w them and not care…
Also, I wanna hear how it feels to have first sex.
How does it feel? Does it hurt? How much? According to size how does it feel?

Yeah I'm kinda agreeing with the comment section consensus here but for the age gap he's probably just looking for sex with a young person, this could end up with pregnancy and other complications. If you want to do it I would suggest being in a relationship with someone for a bit becaue you would know right away if you were comfortable enough with the person also yeah as a man most of us are just sex hungry and instinctively do anything to get it so please take the proper precautions to protect yourself from all potential harm

 

[Meimi18]

Hey man, sex can be a pretty emotional, not a good idea to go through with it with someone you can barely trust
If you're going to do it anyways, make sure to uses protection and make sure it stays on the whole time
Also the first time is probably not going to feel so great

 

[Mistiie]

18 and 27 is insane. The youngest person I can see a 27 year old being with is, like, 22-23. You don't have any life experience compared to this guy. It's like when 60 year olds talk about doing it with 30s. The 30 year olds have so little life experience compared to the 60 year olds that it becomes almost inappropriate. In this scenario it totally is.

Don't do this unless you're stupid. Hooking up with someone a decade older than you at this point is brazenly naive and, given your already present concerns about being seen as an object, I'd wager even you know how poor a play this is. And even without the age gap, you don't sound like you're ready to be in a relationship if you think you're being objectified by the men around you. Find better men or work on your interpersonal relationships before even considering something like this.

Also, having a serious relationship is one thing, but having kids? I don't mean to be rude but no shit no one's interested. You're 18. You're basically still a toddler in the eyes of most adults. Again, no offense, but you are absolutely not at the maturity you would need to be to mother children in any way. A serious relationship? Sure, fine, with someone closer to your age. Kids? Wait at least 5 years and think about it then. Your views will change entirely within those 5 years as your brain finishes developing. Life's not a race and by the sounds of it you're trying to sprint to the end. That won't go well.

I'm also worried that you think that just a one-night stand sort of thing would be fine, especially with someone that much older and with someone struggling with mental health already, but I won't go any further into that...

 

[Yaffle]

You're worth better than this. You already feel like an object, don't do it.

He just wants sex and is probably also excited you're a virgin whereas for you it's clearly a huge experience to lose your virginity.

Please don't do it this way. Your self esteem is worth more than this.

 

[obei]

18 and 27 is insane. The youngest person I can see a 27 year old being with is, like, 22-23. You don't have any life experience compared to this guy. It's like when 60 year olds talk about doing it with 30s. The 30 year olds have so little life experience compared to the 60 year olds that it becomes almost inappropriate. In this scenario it totally is.

Don't do this unless you're stupid. Hooking up with someone a decade older than you at this point is brazenly naive and, given your already present concerns about being seen as an object, I'd wager even you know how poor a play this is. And even without the age gap, you don't sound like you're ready to be in a relationship if you think you're being objectified by the men around you. Find better men or work on your interpersonal relationships before even considering something like this.

Also, having a serious relationship is one thing, but having kids? I don't mean to be rude but no shit no one's interested. You're 18. You're basically still a toddler in the eyes of most adults. Again, no offense, but you are absolutely not at the maturity you would need to be to mother children in any way. A serious relationship? Sure, fine, with someone closer to your age. Kids? Wait at least 5 years and think about it then. Your views will change entirely within those 5 years as your brain finishes developing. Life's not a race and by the sounds of it you're trying to sprint to the end. That won't go well.

I'm also worried that you think that just a one-night stand sort of thing would be fine, especially with someone that much older and with someone struggling with mental health already, but I won't go any further into that...

I am not going around telling people I want kids… I just want to be someone who is "dad material", someone who will treat me good, and care for me for who I am, not for sex

 

[tiger b]

18 and 27 isn't necessarily insane...it just depends on the people involved. My first time was with someone 11 years older than me. It wasn't a great experience, but nothing to do with the age gap. In the grand scheme of my life, this means very little to me. I'm glad I had bad experiences so I know what good ones are. Of course, everyone's different.

It seems from what you've said that this person in question isn't going to give you what you want long-term. If you just want the experience of sex, well that's obviously up to you, it's your body. Presuming it will definitely damage your self-esteem is just that, a presumption - although it could do. Other posters caution against this, but only you are you. I don't know why they are pleading for you to do anything. Some people seem to be very preachy on the topic.

For me, the most obvious danger is if you get attached to this guy after sleeping with him, when he's probably got different relationship ideals and doesn't look to be 'dad material'.

There's nothing morally wrong with just having the experience with this guy and leaving it like that. Whether that's wrong for you, only you can decide.

The youngest person I can see a 27 year old being with is, like, 22-23. You don't have any life experience compared to this guy. It's like when 60 year olds talk about doing it with 30s. The 30 year olds have so little life experience compared to the 60 year olds that it becomes almost inappropriate. In this scenario it totally is.

Prejudice is prejudice, so I'm calling it. You assume things automatically from age. That is defining you and your cultural take, not how the wider world is and can be. It seems to be the last prejudice in terms of relationships, we had race then religion then non-hetero...

Life experience isn't all about age, and age isn't a level number. Personality isn't necessarily age.

And 60 year olds talk about 'doing it' with 30 year olds?? No, they usually talk about finding someone for walks and decent conversation. I know a 65 year old married to a 34 year old, for 12 years now. Is that inappropriate in your book if both of them are happy? Should they just divorce because the numbers don't track? There are exceptions to conventions, and these conventions differ across cultures. The prejudice they have to deal with at times is incredible, often from people who do not have successful relationships.

I'm going to guess you're British, because it's definitely the most ageist society I've seen.

 

[todeswunsch]

I agree with @tiger b , the age gap is not the problem here. The connection and intentions that are.
If it was a 18yo guy just wanting to have sex it would be the same problem.
If you had some connection with this older guy, someone with more experience can even help smoothing this first time.
My first time was with a girl with a looot more experience, and helped me a lot - but we already had a connection and trust.

I advise you look for someone you trust and connect with. Don't do it for the sake of doing it. Don't need to rush, you're young.
You'll find someone who likes you not just because of sex. Don't need to worry
By the end of the day it is your decision, so I wish you the best
Hope you get and awesome first-time whenever it will be.
I wish you the best

 

[SpiritualDeath]

20f virgin here (and I don't intend to lose it). I had someone that wanted to do it with me at age 18, and I'm very glad I didn't go through with it. Turns out that sex is just not for me. If I did it at that time it would probably be very unpleasant.

If you do decide to go through with it, I'd say just remember that it's okay for you to say no or stop at ANY time. There's no need for you to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If he tries to force anything on you in any way he should fking go to hell.

 

[OrphicEnd]

For each gender the other is just an object in general, men want sex and women want affection and being pampered. Some people go beyond this vision, others stay stuck in it their whole lives.
If a man asks you to have sex with him, you can be sure that he sees you as an object, this kind of thing should not be asked, it comes naturally over the course of a long relationship.
Men also like to deprive young girls, to take their innocence while still young, this is not new, there are quite a few books retracing stories of manipulation and depravity dating back several centuries. It never ends well.
Your desire for affection will only lead you to become a sexual object, you will lose who you were and when you regret all this it will be too late.
I think everyone has already known a girl who wanted affection and ended up depraved and alone, or a guy who behaves well with pretty girls while looking for the slightest opportunity and less well with less pretty ones.
You should find someone who truly loves you for who you are and not for your body and what you can offer them.
I doubt that a much older guy met in a psychiatric hospital would be the right choice.

By the way, the first time is often painful for the woman, it tears a small part of the skin and causes slight bleeding.

 

[razorblade]

In all honesty I would wait until you find a diffrent person a man 9 years old then you who u meet in a mental hospital in my opinion doesn't really sound amazing. If you wanna do it do it but don't feel like you to sex will hurt for a few minutes personally jt was like 3-4 mins until it stopped hurting as much if it is literally unbearable either maybe ask him to do a different position (some positions hurt more then others ) but if you don't really wanna desperately carry on just tell him it's hurting to much and ask him to stop if he says stupid shit about blue balls don't fall for it i don't have balls so in all honesty idk if it's true but don't feel bad and think you have to get him off or else it will hurt him

Personally I don't think you should sometimes you get attached to ppl who you sleep with but that's not everybody just be safe bring condoms with you

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

The age gap isn't the problem, the issue is weather he actually cares or is just trying to use you as another body.
At least you won't die as a virgin lol. I'm still a virgin at 36, I'm such a loser.

 

[carnivalforone]

i turned 19 a week ago and i think i might die a virgin seeing as my ctb date seems to creep closer and closer and honestly i wish i just had the chance to experience it at least once but like most of the other replies said dont rush it if youre not sure you want it.

 

[carac]

The age gap isn't the problem, the issue is weather he actually cares or is just trying to use you as another body.
At least you won't die as a virgin lol. I'm still a virgin at 36, I'm such a loser.

Lol I'm 46 and a virgin so don't worry you ain't a loser

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

Lol I'm 46 and a virgin so don't worry you ain't a loser

46 That's Based TBH. I don't think i can last that long though.

 

[hi-okbye]

look i understand the really heavy feeling that come with this topic. but i really recommend your first time being with someone you trust, and making sure they care about you. i've had good firsts and bad firsts so i can attest to this.
i lost my virginity to my recent partner, and it can be really amazing if it's someone you know well and you both care and love each other. virginity is honestly just a social construct, so it doesn't really mean anything if you never "lose" it. that's completely okay.
bad firsts.. they're bad. it will be stuck with you your entire freaking life, and i mean it. the first time i gave a bj was randomly to a sort of "friend" i hardly knew. i was like you, i just wanted to know what it was like. i still regret it to this day. and i hate that person now. my stomach curls every time i think about it.
about the experience. like i said it's really important to have someone you know and trust because it'll make it 100 times better. in the beginning (when they're putting it in), you feel a lot of pressure, and that can be a bit uncomfortable. uncomfortableness depends, but personally i found it manageable. it might feel a little bit of a shock, and that's why it's important to have someone who you know cares. if something hurts too much, or you feel uncomfortable, or need a break or anything, you need to be able and comfortable enough to tell that person. it's not a time to be "too embarrassed to say anything", because that can cause a lot of problems. it's also the fact that it's a very intimate moment. and i mean very, especially if you haven't really done that kind of thing before. i was never really into dating or anything, so my partner was even my first kiss. having someone touch you like that for the first time can be very special, so you want to make sure your completely comfortable with them, so you can enjoy that moment, and know you are/were truly ready for it.
about the age gap, i think it's okay. me and my partner had a bit of an age gap, not too much. i actually liked it a bit, i was always learning new things from him, he would help guide me if that makes sense.

 

[miserablemarbles]

Hey guys be my parents and have sex talk w me </3

So I (18f) am a virgin. Lately Ive been talking to this guy that I met in a mental hospital (hes 27 lol) and we came across sex and he wants to do it w me. I told him I never had it and he is fine w it. He is fine, and I might get us a room (he hasnt got much money since he is going to therapy to fight his own addictions) in a hotel or apartment, since I dont want my first time being in a car or smth.
It all seems okay, but I cant help but feel like an object. Like every man just wants me for sex (this isnt my firs time experiencing this) and no one wants me to be in a serious relationship, or to even have kids. Ik I am really young to want all this but at least I would like for someone to be w me cause they wanna have deep conversations w me or have a walk w me. Hot to have sex or make out w me.
I cant help but feel like an object for mens attraction. Like I am not worthy of anything else.
Ill prob just go with it and have one time sex w them and not care…
Also, I wanna hear how it feels to have first sex.
How does it feel? Does it hurt? How much? According to size how does it feel?

If you are dealing with mental health issues, please do not get involved with someone older who is battling addiction. When I was 18 I was with someone older who had an addiction and they not only used me for sex but also money and resources to fund his addiction. I eventually ended up in the addiction with them. You seem very intelligent and like you know what you want, please do not undersell yourself for someone who does not deserve you.

 

[hi-okbye]

If you are dealing with mental health issues, please do not get involved with someone older who is battling addiction. When I was 18 I was with someone older who had an addiction and they not only used me for sex but also money and resources to fund his addiction. I eventually ended up in the addiction with them. You seem very intelligent and like you know what you want, please do not undersell yourself for someone who does not deserve you.

i agree. also i'm sorry for what you have been through in the past.

 

[F@#$]

Sounds like a creeper to me.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Bad idea written all over it.

 

[Abandoned Character]

If he ever tells you "you are really mature for your age," spoiler alert, you are not. And he is grooming you. Imo the power difference between an 18 y/o and 27 y/o and especially with the given context, this is beyond questionable.

I wish you the best, and if you go through with this. please do not let this person take you away from your support systems. Take care of yourself and do not let people in darkness drag you deeper. Cheers.