Venting I feel incapable of forming normal relationships

[Lou_Charthethird]

Either i fucking sext this random person i met five minutes ago because im so obsessed with validation, or im distant as a whole. I CANT FUCKING COEXIST WITH YOU PEOPLE i am not fucking real i dont have real feelings or inhibitions or thoughts or fears or urges or values or intentions or interests. I am nothing and yet i play around with random people i meet online, wihtout any sense of meaning. I just want to fucking end it so i stop this stupid endless cynical game. I am just an object for sex. Because i cant fathom a close relationship with someone. I mean i cant even know how to go about getting close to someone. I dont even know how to get close with myself.

 

[autonecrotic]

i feel the same, it all feels so performative when really i dont care if they live or die. yet i feed into my trauma urges that cause me to use people as means to an end just to feel something, fucking ANYTHING. but then they just end up being the worst human beings ever and feed into my trauma responses by abandonment. it all feels so god damn pointless to even try to form relationships anymore. i lack the empathy to connect on a nodmal level or whatever it is. the next time i open up to someone will be my autopsy.