Help First post. Questions about Sodium Pentothal and Benadryl

[picassomoons@hotmai]

Hello, everyone. This is my first post, I have been toying for a while now about what to say, and how to say it. I don't want to make a super long thread and for others to skip over it, but I do want to give a bit of background on what is going on, and why I am so glad to have found this space.

I have undergone a life of profound trauma, abuse, trying to do and be better, etc. I am trying to earn my BS degree in psychology, but lately I just feel as though nothing matters, nothing is worth it anymore.

I thought I had found a man who loved me, and I know I love him, but now I feel fooled.

I am having an affair with my therapist. He is my world, my everything, but he is married, and I am in a relationship that has been very abusive in the past, though right now we are doing alright. I have a daughter who I love to the moon and back, but I cannot stand for her to find out what I am in a relationship with someone other than her father.

I have told my therapist of how I don't want to lose him, and that I have thought of ending things, that I know how I would end my life. He said if we get caught, that he wouldn't survive because others in his life would be hurt, and he couldn't bear that. Not a word about me being hurt, not a word about me telling him I know how I would end my life. I told him that if we got caught, I wouldn't have anyone in the whole world to support me, to go to in order to cry and fall apart. I asked if he would still be there for me. He told me he wouldn't survive the catastrophe.

I thought he loved me.

I went to therapy to get better, but I fell I love with him, and I thought he loved me too. Now I feel like an idiot, and the repercussions I have earned are my own fault.

I have thought about, and I know this sounds probably stupid, but rubbing as many bottles of Benadryl cream on me as I can. That way my stomach won't be able to be pumped, and it will be in my blood stream. It doesn't sound like too bad of a way to go, how bad and how hard can rubbing lotion on yourself be?

I have also thought about sodium pentothal, also known as truth serum. Back in the day, it was used as an anesthesia. I am not sure how to get a hold of this drug, or if it is even possible. However, of all the ways I have found to exit stage left...This seems like the best way.

Rent a hotel room, take a bath, write a letter tom daughter, and then take a shot and go to sleep. Only I wouldn't be waking up.

Does anyone know anything about either of these ways to exit?

I feel really stupid and silly asking this, but I am pretty desperate right now.

I will be here for anyone who needs a supportive ear. I look forward to interacting with you all.

 

[pickajack]

So sorry about your situation and the pain you are experiencing.
But the affair with your therapist is NOT YOUR FAULT. Again, you are NOT an "idiot' and it is not your fault.

He is behaving in a way that is unprofessional, unethical and illegal. As a psychology major, maybe you have learned about transference? I am not an expert, but I did some research when my therapist seemed interested in me. It is common for this kind of thing to happen in the emotionally charged setting of therapy, but he is the professional and it is his responsibility to keep things on track or refer you to another therapist if he can't behave professionally.

I don't mean to be dismissive of your other trauma and ongoing pain, it sounds complex and incredibly difficult. Kudos to you for seeking help. I'm sorry that the "help" you got was so so so inappropriate. Again, this is not your fault.

Not sure where you are located but maybe look up a similar government website for your area. This one includes advice explaining common reactions to this situation, how to report them, etc.

Therapy Never Includes Sexual Behavior - California Department of Consumer Affairs

www.dca.ca.gov

Since you say you've had a history of trauma and abuse, and you feel love for him, it's natural to think you maybe don't deserve better or that you shouldn't report him. However, you totally deserve better, and so do his future victims.

 

[lionetta12]

Hello, everyone. This is my first post, I have been toying for a while now about what to say, and how to say it. I don't want to make a super long thread and for others to skip over it, but I do want to give a bit of background on what is going on, and why I am so glad to have found this space.

I have undergone a life of profound trauma, abuse, trying to do and be better, etc. I am trying to earn my BS degree in psychology, but lately I just feel as though nothing matters, nothing is worth it anymore.

I thought I had found a man who loved me, and I know I love him, but now I feel fooled.

I am having an affair with my therapist. He is my world, my everything, but he is married, and I am in a relationship that has been very abusive in the past, though right now we are doing alright. I have a daughter who I love to the moon and back, but I cannot stand for her to find out what I am in a relationship with someone other than her father.

I have told my therapist of how I don't want to lose him, and that I have thought of ending things, that I know how I would end my life. He said if we get caught, that he wouldn't survive because others in his life would be hurt, and he couldn't bear that. Not a word about me being hurt, not a word about me telling him I know how I would end my life. I told him that if we got caught, I wouldn't have anyone in the whole world to support me, to go to in order to cry and fall apart. I asked if he would still be there for me. He told me he wouldn't survive the catastrophe.

I thought he loved me.

I went to therapy to get better, but I fell I love with him, and I thought he loved me too. Now I feel like an idiot, and the repercussions I have earned are my own fault.

I have thought about, and I know this sounds probably stupid, but rubbing as many bottles of Benadryl cream on me as I can. That way my stomach won't be able to be pumped, and it will be in my blood stream. It doesn't sound like too bad of a way to go, how bad and how hard can rubbing lotion on yourself be?

I have also thought about sodium pentothal, also known as truth serum. Back in the day, it was used as an anesthesia. I am not sure how to get a hold of this drug, or if it is even possible. However, of all the ways I have found to exit stage left...This seems like the best way.

Rent a hotel room, take a bath, write a letter tom daughter, and then take a shot and go to sleep. Only I wouldn't be waking up.

Does anyone know anything about either of these ways to exit?

I feel really stupid and silly asking this, but I am pretty desperate right now.

I will be here for anyone who needs a supportive ear. I look forward to interacting with you all.

This is going to hurt, but I think for your own mental sake, you need to stop seeing this therapist. He's using you and taking advantage of you because you're vulnerable and what he said to you and how he don't want to hurt his wife and family without mentioning you, further proves that. This is extremely unethical for a medical professional to be doing and it could also be illegal, depending on what country you're in, and he could lose his authorization to practice therapy and medicine if this was to ever be exposed.

You're not an idiot, he is in the wrong here morally and possibly legally. Don't be harsh with yourself over this. I understand how this feels like for you and that this might be the hardest thing for you to do, but I promise, the best desicion you can make for yourself in this is to end things with him and find a new therapist, maybe someone of your own gender. I really hope you don't want to CTB over this guy. Things like this is so hurtful in the moment, but it can get better and I wish that you think and try to see how it goes first before you make any final desicions.

 

[picassomoons@hotmai]

So sorry about your situation and the pain you are experiencing.
But the affair with your therapist is NOT YOUR FAULT. Again, you are NOT an "idiot' and it is not your fault.

He is behaving in a way that is unprofessional, unethical and illegal. As a psychology major, maybe you have learned about transference? I am not an expert, but I did some research when my therapist seemed interested in me. It is common for this kind of thing to happen in the emotionally charged setting of therapy, but he is the professional and it is his responsibility to keep things on track or refer you to another therapist if he can't behave professionally.

I don't mean to be dismissive of your other trauma and ongoing pain, it sounds complex and incredibly difficult. Kudos to you for seeking help. I'm sorry that the "help" you got was so so so inappropriate. Again, this is not your fault.

Not sure where you are located but maybe look up a similar government website for your area. This one includes advice explaining common reactions to this situation, how to report them, etc.

Therapy Never Includes Sexual Behavior - California Department of Consumer Affairs

www.dca.ca.gov

Since you say you've had a history of trauma and abuse, and you feel love for him, it's natural to think you maybe don't deserve better or that you shouldn't report him. However, you totally deserve better, and so do his future victims.

I feel as though I have just as much responsibility in this situation as he does. I know about transference and counter transference, and I knew that things would be hard going into this.

I'm very protective of him, he is a good man, who works hard and helps so many people, often to his own detriment.

My wanting to CTB is not just because of him, rather it is like the final straw. My life doesn't seem like it has a chance of getting better. He does show me love, but it is within his limitations, and I know I can never have him fully. I do have love, and that is all I have ever wanted or asked for, but that it has to be only when he has time for me, in secret, and I know that I will never, ever be as important to him as his wife, or his career.

I am older now, and I realize that my chance to find someone to actually love me and to grow with are not so great anymore.

I'm so tired.

I'm not sure if CTB is possible with Benadryl cream, as silly as it sounds, or if I can even obtain sodium pentothal.

I do thank you for your kindness, your support, and your understanding.

 

[picassomoons@hotmai]

This is going to hurt, but I think for your own mental sake, you need to stop seeing this therapist. He's using you and taking advantage of you because you're vulnerable and what he said to you and how he don't want to hurt his wife and family without mentioning you, further proves that. This is extremely unethical for a medical professional to be doing and it could also be illegal, depending on what country you're in, and he could lose his authorization to practice therapy and medicine if this was to ever be exposed.

You're not an idiot, he is in the wrong here morally and possibly legally. Don't be harsh with yourself over this. I understand how this feels like for you and that this might be the hardest thing for you to do, but I promise, the best desicion you can make for yourself in this is to end things with him and find a new therapist, maybe someone of your own gender. I really hope you don't want to CTB over this guy. Things like this is so hurtful in the moment, but it can get better and I wish that you think and try to see how it goes first before you make any final desicions.

I have thought about what you said, that he mentioned hurting his wife and family, but he said "others" too, I may have been in that group of others, but who knows.

My wanting to CTB isn't just due to this situation. I just feel like there is no use in struggling on and one for no real reason, as nothing ever seems to get better. I try to strive to do my best to climb out of the hole, but it seems like nothing I do makes anything better, for myself or for others. Everything seems futile.

 

[sevenkarmas]

This is going to hurt, but I think for your own mental sake, you need to stop seeing this therapist. He's using you and taking advantage of you because you're vulnerable and what he said to you and how he don't want to hurt his wife and family without mentioning you, further proves that. This is extremely unethical for a medical professional to be doing and it could also be illegal, depending on what country you're in, and he could lose his authorization to practice therapy and medicine if this was to ever be exposed.

You're not an idiot, he is in the wrong here morally and possibly legally. Don't be harsh with yourself over this. I understand how this feels like for you and that this might be the hardest thing for you to do, but I promise, the best desicion you can make for yourself in this is to end things with him and find a new therapist, maybe someone of your own gender. I really hope you don't want to CTB over this guy. Things like this is so hurtful in the moment, but it can get better and I wish that you think and try to see how it goes first before you make any final desicions.

Not to pile on, but this is predator behavior. He knows the people he is working with vulnerable people. To engage in a relationship, whether initiated by the OP or the therapist, shows that he is not a person that has the moral fiber to be in that role. If OP initiated, he should have pushed OP to another therapist. It's a huge assumption, but my guess is OP isn't his first. He wants OP to feel for his possible loss, but has no empathy for OP's situation, which he knew before he began the affair.

Whether you choose to CTB or not @picassomoons@hotmai, you need to burn his ass. He is a threat to everyone he sees.

 

[Dot]

I feel as though I have just as much responsibility in this situation as he does. I know about transference and counter transference, and I knew that things would be hard going into this.

I'm very protective of him, he is a good man, who works hard and helps so many people, often to his own detriment.

My wanting to CTB is not just because of him, rather it is like the final straw. My life doesn't seem like it has a chance of getting better. He does show me love, but it is within his limitations, and I know I can never have him fully. I do have love, and that is all I have ever wanted or asked for, but that it has to be only when he has time for me, in secret, and I know that I will never, ever be as important to him as his wife, or his career.

I am older now, and I realize that my chance to find someone to actually love me and to grow with are not so great anymore.

I'm so tired.

I'm not sure if CTB is possible with Benadryl cream, as silly as it sounds, or if I can even obtain sodium pentothal.

I do thank you for your kindness, your support, and your understanding.

Sme1 mght need 2 transl8 wht am sayng

U r nt respnsble- thre = powr dynamc tht happns in therpy & fallng fr a therpst = vry commn

= responsblty of ur therpst 2 mange tht transfrnce & countr tranfsernce -- ur only jb in sessns = 2 allw urslf 2 feel

H/ = emotnlly blckmailng u & h/ shld hve alrdy referrd u 2 sme1 els whch only shws hs unprofssnl & pred8try nature

U r vulnerble in a therpeutc settng & tht vulnerblty hs bn takn advntge of

 

[rationaltake]

Sme1 mght need 2 transl8 wht am sayng

U r nt respnsble- thre = powr dynamc tht happns in therpy & fallng fr a therpst = vry commn

= responsblty of ur therpst 2 mange tht transfrnce & countr tranfsernce -- ur only jb in sessns = 2 allw urslf 2 feel

H/ = emotnlly blckmailng u & h/ shld hve alrdy referrd u 2 sme1 els whch only shws hs unprofssnl & pred8try nature

U r vulnerble in a therpeutc settng & tht vulnerblty hs bn takn advntge of

Dot's post:

Someone might need to translate what am saying.

You are not responsible. There is power dynamic that happens in therapy and falling for a therapist is very common.

Is responsibility of your therapist to manage that transference and counter-transference. Your only job in sessions is to allow yourself to feel.

He is emotionally blackmailing you and he should have already referred you to someone else which only shows his unprofessional and predatory nature.

You are vulnerable in a therapeutic setting and that vulnerability has been taken advantage of.

 

[Dot]

Dot's post:

Someone might need to translate what am saying.

You are not responsible. There is power dynamic that happens in therapy and falling for a therapist is very common.

Is responsibility of your therapist to manage that transference and counter-transference. Your only job in sessions is to allow yourself to feel.

He is emotionally blackmailing you and he should have already referred you to someone else which only shows his unprofessional and predatory nature.

You are vulnerable in a therapeutic setting and that vulnerability has been taken advantage of.

Apprci8

 

[rationaltake]

Apprci8

Happy to help any time. Your posts are always worth reading.