First post, feeling desperate

[meadow2]

Thank you for approving my request to join the forum. I'm really glad to have found this place.

I've been dealing with pretty bad mental and physical health problems for a while now and they're not going to get better. My life is so constrained due to my physical health. I can't do any of the things that I used to love. I know that there are plenty of other people out there who 'have it worse', but that's not much comfort when you're struggling to walk up stairs or dress yourself or falling in the street and having to be picked up by strangers due to mobility issues or suffering the indignity of incontinence.

So, I've been finding things increasingly unbearable. And recently I made a big mistake – a terrible, enormous, comes-with-permanent-life-altering-consequences kind of mistake which has taken away the last good thing that I still had in my life. This feels like the last straw. I've contemplated suicide for years but now I feel sure that I no longer want to go on.

I know how I WANT to go. I want to take a lethal dose of Nembutal and drift off peacefully in my own bed. The trouble is of course that Nembutal seems to be impossible to get hold of. None of the alternatives feel like they would provide enough surety of a peaceful end for me to be comfortable with them, though. Life is so hard and so painful, why can't I have this one thing – an easy end? I'm determined that I will somehow lay hands on some Nembutal. I will go out on my own terms and, damn it, I will go peacefully.

Due to Exit International's age policy, I'm not able to purchase the Peaceful Pill handbook or to join their forums. But, will the handbook or the forum tell you where you can get hold of Nembutal? If so, perhaps I could work out a way around that rule or get help from someone who does have access to those resources.

 

[day]

While I don't know of "legit" way to get your hands on PPeH I can say that there are other means if you catch my drift.

Outside of going to Tijuana I'm not sure there's a source for N right now or people would be going crazy for it. It'll probably be awhile till we have a new source nonetheless when we do I'm sure it'll be shared just rather tightly.

I'm sorry you're suffering from physical and mental health. I relate to that as I was born with a heart condition that makes it hard to do a lot of stuff without full blown panic attacks accompanying me.

I hope you manage to find your peace OP. You don't deserve to suffer.

 

[meadow2]

While I don't know of "legit" way to get your hands on PPeH I can say that there are other means if you catch my drift.

Outside of going to Tijuana I'm not sure there's a source for N right now or people would be going crazy for it. It'll probably be awhile till we have a new source nonetheless when we do I'm sure it'll be shared just rather tightly.

I'm sorry you're suffering from physical and mental health. I relate to that as I was born with a heart condition that makes it hard to do a lot of stuff without full blown panic attacks accompanying me.

I hope you manage to find your peace OP. You don't deserve to suffer.

Thank you for your kind words.

I'm sorry I'm probably just being dense but I don't catch your drift. I assume you mean there is another way to get hold of the PPeH, but I don't get how? Does the PPeH list sources for N?

Unfortunately, I don't think I'd be physically strong enough to travel to another country in order to acquire Nembutal so going to Tijuana is out.

I'm sorry for your heart condition and panic attacks :(

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

you seem to be in a similar state as me. you can download the handbook here

PPeH_April_2022-FcRmORJl.pdf | Bunkr

bunkrr.su

there's a huge section on n. mostly they seem to mention some south american places but not any rock solid leads and they mention that supplies and laws are subject to change. i've thought about going there too but first of all, i don't speak the language, have mobility issues and that's a long flight to take for failure. best of luck to you.

 

[Takamagahara]

The absurdly tight controls of N are what have been leading me to go into the darknet to source opiates and fentanyl for a similarly peaceful, sleeping death.

Funny how so tightly controlling the substance will lead to me directly depositing my money into the pockets of criminals.

 

[meadow2]

you seem to be in a similar state as me. you can download the handbook here

PPeH_April_2022-FcRmORJl.pdf | Bunkr

bunkrr.su

there's a huge section on n. mostly they seem to mention some south american places but not any rock solid leads and they mention that supplies and laws are subject to change. i've thought about going there too but first of all, i don't speak the language, have mobility issues and that's a long flight to take for failure. best of luck to you.

Thank you. It's annoying that they don't mention specific suppliers. Even if I was physically well enough to travel, I'd want to be sure that I was going to be able to actually get the stuff.

 

[meadow2]

The absurdly tight controls of N are what have been leading me to go into the darknet to source opiates and fentanyl for a similarly peaceful, sleeping death.

Funny how so tightly controlling the substance will lead to me directly depositing my money into the pockets of criminals.

I'm sorry you've been driven to that. I suppose N can't be sourced on the darknet, then.

It feels so cruel that people who have suffered so much aren't allowed to at least have a pain-free death. You'd think I would have 'earned' that much.

 

[.seethroughme.]

Thank you for approving my request to join the forum. I'm really glad to have found this place.

I've been dealing with pretty bad mental and physical health problems for a while now and they're not going to get better. My life is so constrained due to my physical health. I can't do any of the things that I used to love. I know that there are plenty of other people out there who 'have it worse', but that's not much comfort when you're struggling to walk up stairs or dress yourself or falling in the street and having to be picked up by strangers due to mobility issues or suffering the indignity of incontinence.

So, I've been finding things increasingly unbearable. And recently I made a big mistake – a terrible, enormous, comes-with-permanent-life-altering-consequences kind of mistake which has taken away the last good thing that I still had in my life. This feels like the last straw. I've contemplated suicide for years but now I feel sure that I no longer want to go on.

I know how I WANT to go. I want to take a lethal dose of Nembutal and drift off peacefully in my own bed. The trouble is of course that Nembutal seems to be impossible to get hold of. None of the alternatives feel like they would provide enough surety of a peaceful end for me to be comfortable with them, though. Life is so hard and so painful, why can't I have this one thing – an easy end? I'm determined that I will somehow lay hands on some Nembutal. I will go out on my own terms and, damn it, I will go peacefully.

Due to Exit International's age policy, I'm not able to purchase the Peaceful Pill handbook or to join their forums. But, will the handbook or the forum tell you where you can get hold of Nembutal? If so, perhaps I could work out a way around that rule or get help from someone who does have access to those resources.

Welcome. I joined recently too.

Firstly, I can't imagine how hard things are in your shoes, and I'm sorry that your life has driven you to this moment. I have found in my struggles that life can be vicious, and society isn't set up to look out for everyone like it should.

If you are still feeling desperate, I would take a breath and find a moment of solace in seeing all the other people here who are feeling the same way. There are lots of people here who you can openly talk too about your thoughts and won't judge you. Take a small comfort in that, it has helped calm me on a few occasions now.

I hope you manage to find some peace. Whatever happens.

 

[FuneralCry]

From what I'm aware there doesn't seem to be a reliable source to order N online now, there used to be but I don't think it exists now.
The only people who I've read of receiving N recently are those who travelled to obtain it in Mexico unfortunately, it's so dreadful to me how Nembutal isn't an accessible option for those who want to leave in peace, it's inhumane how we cannot just choose to peacefully pass away, I hate how other people wish to purposely make suicide as difficult as possible.
But anyway I wish you the best, it must be so horrible having to suffer like that, existence really is too cruel.

 

[meadow2]

Welcome. I joined recently too.

Firstly, I can't imagine how hard things are in your shoes, and I'm sorry that your life has driven you to this moment. I have found in my struggles that life can be vicious, and society isn't set up to look out for everyone like it should.

If you are still feeling desperate, I would take a breath and find a moment of solace in seeing all the other people here who are feeling the same way. There are lots of people here who you can openly talk too about your thoughts and won't judge you. Take a small comfort in that, it has helped calm me on a few occasions now.

I hope you manage to find some peace. Whatever happens.

Thank you for the kind words. I'm sorry that you have also found yourself here but I do agree that it is somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone. Even talking to others who understand has been good.

From what I'm aware there doesn't seem to be a reliable source to order N online now, there used to be but I don't think it exists now.
The only people who I've read of receiving N recently are those who travelled to obtain it in Mexico unfortunately, it's so dreadful to me how Nembutal isn't an accessible option for those who want to leave in peace, it's inhumane how we cannot just choose to peacefully pass away, I hate how other people wish to purposely make suicide as difficult as possible.
But anyway I wish you the best, it must be so horrible having to suffer like that, existence really is too cruel.

And it seems like even if you can get to Mexico, your chances of finding someone who will actually sell it to you aren't good.

It's terrifying to know that there is no peaceful way out.

I don't understand how in the modern day we are so backward thinking when it comes to assisted dying etc