About four hours ago at 5 am I came home after my first failed attempt at CTB. It's really frustrating that I'm still here because aside from one little mistake I did everything right. I prepared everything I could in advance and even drowned every doubt in alcohol on the way to the tree where I would hang myself. I was so sure of being successful first try that i even cut off most of my hair that I've been growing out for the pat 2+ years right then and there. I'm sorry for rambling but I really don't know what to do now. I don't have any way of hiding my failed attempt from my family and honestly I don't know why I didn't just stay and re-attempt it since most of the rope was still intact. I never hid my depression and seemingly everyone could tell and I stopped talking with everyone online months ago including irl friends and family. I hate how calm I am even now.
next time I'll use sturdier rope
next time I'll use sturdier rope
