Method Finishing plans

[julysilentwoods]

I've ran through in my head. A lot of methods, switching between what ones I think I'm going to go with. My life situation & disability makes options very limited. I think I've narrow it down now to 2

1 of them is poppy seed tea. I haven't read suicide from it only accidental overdoses. I did research into PST years ago so it's blurry now. This is scary. I know there's other things in it that can cause a lot of pain. And it's unpredictable. But it's also feels the safest / comforting possible option out of what I have. Because I have experience with opioids in past, that makes it more comforting it's familiar. And If it works ideal then it'd be great death

Worse but maybe my realistic option because I'm probabl going to be living when I die in a motel without being able to order/ship poppy seeds and/or they won't come in time. Is get drunk, cut artery in warm bath die of blood loss. Maybe if I get poppy seeds in time I'd combine it to max affectiveness

I wish I could get a gun or SN

I don't want to do this at all. I don't want to die but I'm forced to

 

[allthatimsaying]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I really am.

Try listing the methods that you minimally consider doing. Sort them by chance of failing, measure of pain and time of execution. Hope you find a method that suits you best.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really horrible being trapped in that situation, it's beyond cruel how people have to suffer so much. But anyway I hope you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[julysilentwoods]

I bought the seeds, almost 200$, I really hope it works

My plan is to test a small dose small but should still be effective. If it's not & is painful I won't try it for ctb. It should be here 3-5 days. I'll update after I test it

If it doesn't work then I'll have to go 2nd option unless I can get fentanyl or something better

My big worry buying this $200 is because I have 10 days for a miracle to happen & not have to kill myself. Very small but possible you know so hesitant to spend that much money, since I'm poor and every bit counts. But I already did it just did it so too late to back out now

Reminder to myself, I have to write an email that I schedule to send out ~a day after I kms because I take care of a companion animal and I need to ensure somebody finds her quickly. & have to write where/who I want to take care of her after me. This is probably the worst part that I haven't been letting myself think about it. She's everything to me and I don't want to make her suffer so I just try not to think about it

 

[julysilentwoods]

I got a wellness check

My seeds came the next day so it was fine they didn't take it away

I don't know if they're watching my internet history so I'm nervous to say anything

I got hope. Things were looking good. But the wellness check ruint it. Awful timing happent right when we was suppost to get to check out the place I could live… by next day the place was already taken

It feels fucking awful

Every time I seem hope it gets worse

I wish everything was different

Edit, the seeds seem to be ok. I tested it 2x so far with small doses, I will try it again today with a bigger dose, the goal is to see if ratio of other alkaloids in it will cause pain at high(er) doses. Cuz I don't want to end up taking the whole bag as my suicide method and end up suffering for 10 fucking hours cuz the ratio of alkaloids suckt for this purpose