I've had an epiphany... I think the way, for me at least, to overcome SI is to make peace with all the unpleasant realities of dying (living is worse).
first, the lack of accomplishing what I wanted to with my life. In ctb, I will be missing both the burden of failure and the promise of victory. To me, this is a fair trade, since failure comes punctuated with a lengthy involuntary stint in the hospital. That is not worth living through.
second, the pain I will leave behind. There's no justification for this. The guilt of the pain I will leave behind will linger in my dying moments. I have to accept this. I have to accept this pain is based on both a falsehood (that I am worse off after ctbing) and a truth (that my absence is a tangible bad (real economics term, look it up!) ).
third. The true loss of all hope. This is similar to the first, but distinct. For me, this can only be combatted with logic, with the reminder of the many, many things I hoped for (#53times) that never came to be. I must combat my propensity for the delusions that we are all prone to. I must radically accept that the things I hope for will never come to pass. That much is obvious to those not blinded by feeling.
to really, truly accept these is the only way I will be able to overcome SI and ctb. It must be motivated by deep, immovable certainty. This is the only way to follow through with this, most drastic of all choices.
first, the lack of accomplishing what I wanted to with my life. In ctb, I will be missing both the burden of failure and the promise of victory. To me, this is a fair trade, since failure comes punctuated with a lengthy involuntary stint in the hospital. That is not worth living through.
second, the pain I will leave behind. There's no justification for this. The guilt of the pain I will leave behind will linger in my dying moments. I have to accept this. I have to accept this pain is based on both a falsehood (that I am worse off after ctbing) and a truth (that my absence is a tangible bad (real economics term, look it up!) ).
third. The true loss of all hope. This is similar to the first, but distinct. For me, this can only be combatted with logic, with the reminder of the many, many things I hoped for (#53times) that never came to be. I must combat my propensity for the delusions that we are all prone to. I must radically accept that the things I hope for will never come to pass. That much is obvious to those not blinded by feeling.
to really, truly accept these is the only way I will be able to overcome SI and ctb. It must be motivated by deep, immovable certainty. This is the only way to follow through with this, most drastic of all choices.
