It's idiotic that I have been on this website for so long. It's idiotic that I have been alive for so long. I made it to 49 which is so freaking stupid but I will not make it to 50. No fucking way.
I lost my income this past June and initially tried to get another job. When you're already depressed it doesn't take many tries before you're too depressed to try. The only reason I still have a home is because my alcoholic abusive husband has paid the bills. Meanwhile, every time he's drunk, and that's often, I hear all about what a useless piece of shit I am. I didn't used to believe him (I always worked and contributed) but now I know it.
After 3 months of him paying for everything, I can't ask anymore. I have run out of several medications already and I'm just finishing the rest I have. The main one that I expect to be the worst is tramadol. For years it has kept my physical pain tolerable. All the pain will undoubtedly become intolerable without it. I'm already out of gabapentin and now have a constant headache. The Duloxetine I never wanted to take has been gone for a while too so I have whatever those fun withdrawal symptoms to look forward to are but increased anger and nausea are so far the only ones. I won't be paying my phone bill so I will not have access to anything fairly soon.
All I know is I am really tired.
I lost my income this past June and initially tried to get another job. When you're already depressed it doesn't take many tries before you're too depressed to try. The only reason I still have a home is because my alcoholic abusive husband has paid the bills. Meanwhile, every time he's drunk, and that's often, I hear all about what a useless piece of shit I am. I didn't used to believe him (I always worked and contributed) but now I know it.
After 3 months of him paying for everything, I can't ask anymore. I have run out of several medications already and I'm just finishing the rest I have. The main one that I expect to be the worst is tramadol. For years it has kept my physical pain tolerable. All the pain will undoubtedly become intolerable without it. I'm already out of gabapentin and now have a constant headache. The Duloxetine I never wanted to take has been gone for a while too so I have whatever those fun withdrawal symptoms to look forward to are but increased anger and nausea are so far the only ones. I won't be paying my phone bill so I will not have access to anything fairly soon.
All I know is I am really tired.
