Finally, my bus is here - Goodbye thread

[Tearygirl]

I received my SN yesterday, and planning to leave this world today. My regimen is: Take painkiller and benzo 1 hour before, meto 45 mins before, and antacid 30 mins before. Going to take SN then. Self ban before I take SN, and factory data reset my phone after I injest it. Actually, I'm so afraid to do this, but I believe there's no other choice. Nobody loves me and I can't and don't want to force others to do so. Because I don't want to hurt others. That's my primary reason for ctbing. I might give up at the final time, please forgive me if it happens.
I really want to say thanks to @DepressedAngel. She made my life brighter. I'd probably used more impulsive and uncertain method before I got my SN if she wasn't with me. It was an honour to be with you, @DepressedAngel Hope you can recover and have a better life than mine. We might see on the other side few decades of years later.
I don't believe afterlife, but I sometimes think that I might be with @isam soon. I really miss her. I couldn't forget her since she ctbed. She was so kind to me. She promised that she will book the sweetest spot on the bus for me, and cuddle for real when we meet each other. I can't stop crying when I think about her. But on the other side, I want nothing. Just be peaceful, painless, and become nothing. That's what I want. Even I'm not sure I can do this or not, please follow my journey if you are interested. And please do not blame me if I run away from death. I feel so afraid and high level of SI today.. I think only a few people would miss me. Meaning not many people would feel sad by my death. I really hope so. Because I am not the person who should be remembered.
Finally, thanks for everyone in this forum I wish you all the best!

 

[DepressedAngel]

I received my SN yesterday, and planning to leave this world today. My regimen is: Take painkiller and benzo 1 hour before, meto 45 mins before, and antacid 30 mins before. Going to take SN then. Self ban before I take SN, and factory data reset my phone after I injest it. Actually, I'm so afraid to do this, but I believe there's no other choice. Nobody loves me and I can't and don't want to force others to do so. Because I don't want to hurt others. That's my primary reason for ctbing. I might give up at the final time, please forgive me if it happens.
I really want to say thanks to @DepressedAngel. She made my life brighter. I'd probably used more impulsive and uncertain method before I got my SN if she wasn't with me. It was an honour to be with you, @DepressedAngel Hope you can recover and have a better life than mine. We might see on the other side few decades of years later.
I don't believe afterlife, but I sometimes think that I might be with @isam soon. I really miss her. I couldn't forget her since she ctbed. She was so kind to me. She promised that she will book the sweetest spot on the bus for me, and cuddle for real when we meet each other. I can't stop crying when I think about her. But on the other side, I want nothing. Just be peaceful, painless, and become nothing. That's what I want. Even I'm not sure I can do this or not, please follow my journey if you are interested. And please do not blame me if I run away from death. I feel so afraid and high level of SI today.. I think only a few people would miss me. Meaning not many people would feel sad by my death. I really hope so. Because I am not the person who should be remembered.
Finally, thanks for everyone in this forum I wish you all the best!

Thank you for being with me @Tearygirl. You made my life brighter while you were in it. You will be missed, but I hope you find peace hopefully with @isam. You are so loved, please don't forget

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I wish you the best and that you ctb as peacefully as possible. Sending you love and light.

 

[Carina]

If you do choose to do it, I hope you find peace.

If you decide not to--people will still be here for you.

Nothing wrong if you postpone or just can't do it either. You are the only one who will know the answer to what to do, or when to do it. And you will be missed.

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry its come to this for you. Peace and love to you❤❤❤
We will miss you!

 

[MysticPerception]

I won't say don't do it or anything like that but if you don't do it please don't feel bad. There's nothing wrong with choosing your battles and if you think there's even a chance of you finding happiness instead of doing it don't feel bad when you reach out for it.

Either way I hope you find peace. Good luck.

 

[Freedom Believer]

I hope you find peace.

 

[Rena rossy]

I hope you are able to ctb without major inconveniences and pacefully. Hope you are able to ease the pain that you are feeling

 

[Meant2Die]

Wishing you the peace you deserve

 

[Tearygirl]

I sometimes think my problem is lighter than others. I feel guilty for ctbing bc of it. Actually, I feel guilty for so many things. one of my reasons for ctbing.

 

[Squiddy]

I wish you peace

 

[mediocre]

sending you hugs

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Tearygirl,

May you find the peace you are looking for. If tonight is not the night for you to leave, please stay with us. You are more than welcome, regardless of your decision, to a soft landing.

 

[Skyview]

Good luck on the path , wishing you peace in your journey and lots of love

 

[Carina]

I sometimes think my problem is lighter than others. I feel guilty for ctbing bc of it. Actually, I feel guilty for so many things. one of my reasons for ctbing.

Something that is 'nothing' to one person could be a huge thing to another. If it's big to you, that's all that really matters as in a way it's just your burden. Guilt can be a very powerful thing.

Regardless of what you do, I hope you find some peace.

 

[Verklempt]

wishing u a safe journey take care

 

[Tearygirl]

Took 1000mg of tylenol and 0.5mg of lorazepam.

 

[S1mpleme]

Better to destroy your phone completely, even after reset it is possible to get everything from your phone.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Best of wishes

 

[Tearygirl]

Took 30mg of meto.

Better to destroy your phone completely, even after reset it is possible to get everything from your phone.

I'm afraid I might couldn't die, so I can't. Sorry.

 

[Manja]

Girl I wish you peace and no more sadness....you will be missed that's for sure

 

[S1mpleme]

Took 30mg of meto.

I'm afraid I might couldn't die, so I can't. Sorry.

Then hide somewhere at least, I'd prefer inside a wall.

 

[Tearygirl]

Then hide somewhere at least, I'd prefer inside a wall.

That's a good option. Thanks!

Took 20mg of famotidine.

I couldn't find neither 911 or the hotel's email, so I left a note that call 911 at the door. Hope it works... I don't want others hurt by me.

Thank you for being with me @Tearygirl. You made my life brighter while you were in it. You will be missed, but I hope you find peace hopefully with @isam. You are so loved, please don't forget❤

Thanks, I love you with all my heart Hope you can have a better life.

 

[Carina]

That's a good option. Thanks!

Took 20mg of famotidine.

I couldn't find neither 911 or the hotel's email, so I left a note that call 911 at the door. Hope it works... I don't want others hurt by me.

I'm assuming inside? or just not open and visible to others walking by?

 

[Tearygirl]

I'm assuming inside? or just not open and visible to others walking by?

Inside ofc
Prepared two bottles of 25mg SN. Going to ban my account. Hope not to reverse it.

 

[BlueWidow]

If you decide to go, I hope the process is successful. If you decide to stay or delay for another day, we will be happy to have you back here again. Whatever your choice, I wish you peace and freedom from your pain.

 

[Dubs]

We're still with you, you're not alone.

 

[134340]

I'm hoping things went smoothly for you and that youre no longer in pain. We're all still here for you if things didn't go according to plan.

 

[Moon Flower]

May you find peace on whichever path you choose

 

[Kvotheloner]

There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more