Finally have my opportunity to CTB

[TimetoGo!]

My selfish boot of a wife has decided to take herself off to Miami for 9 days this week.....she knows I am majorly struggling mentally but is happy to go partying regardless.

Anyway, I see it as clear opportunity to finally grow some bollocks and see myself away from this shithouse world.

I have planned drowning for a long time so I have until Friday to fine tune my plans.

I am totally shitting it, so I just hope I have the bravery to go through with it.

possibly 3 days left on this earth

 

[botanormal]

I am so sorry you have reached this point. I know in the past when I would be at my lowest, it hurt me most to see the people around me continue on as if it wasn't happening, so I hope you are not feeling too awful from your wife's actions. I know it goes without saying, but if the moment ever feels like it isn't right, please don't let time-limits pressure you into it when you aren't ready. It is definitely a big decision & I know there must be a lot going through your head right now. I wish you all the love & peace, whichever path you head down.

 

[FuneralCry]

I envy those who have the courage to voluntarily drown themselves, it sounds like an awful and difficult method to succeed with to me, but I guess that it's always possible to go through with it as after all, people have died in such a way. I hope that you find freedom from this hellish world.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I am so sorry you have reached this point. I know in the past when I would be at my lowest, it hurt me most to see the people around me continue on as if it wasn't happening, so I hope you are not feeling too awful from your wife's actions. I know it goes without saying, but if the moment ever feels like it isn't right, please don't let time-limits pressure you into it when you aren't ready. It is definitely a big decision & I know there must be a lot going through your head right now. I wish you all the love & peace, whichever path you head down.

thanks for the kind words.

yes it has been amazing how people act bothered, but then you dont hear from them for weeks/months.

I have been married for 6 years, with her 8 years. Things were great when my business was booming, holidays, nights away, clothes........and now I have fallen on harder times she has continued that lifestyle but I cant. She will no doubt blow a fortune in Miami. And with her being an attractive English girl, she will no doubt get the attention off the American guys, which makes my blood boil.

If I dont feel 100% on going through with this at the weekend, I wont, but my god I want too!!

I envy those who have the courage to voluntarily drown themselves, it sounds like an awful and difficult method to succeed with to me, but I guess that it's always possible to go through with it as after all, people have died in such a way. I hope that you find freedom from this hellish world.

I think we have talked before about drowning........I see it differently as once I am weighed down under the water, unable to free myself , there is no way of surviving it unless someone jumps in and drags me out, which they wont because I will be in a remote place.

 

[botanormal]

thanks for the kind words.

yes it has been amazing how people act bothered, but then you dont hear from them for weeks/months.

I have been married for 6 years, with her 8 years. Things were great when my business was booming, holidays, nights away, clothes........and now I have fallen on harder times she has continued that lifestyle but I cant. She will no doubt blow a fortune in Miami. And with her being an attractive English girl, she will no doubt get the attention off the American guys, which makes my blood boil.

If I dont feel 100% on going through with this at the weekend, I wont, but my god I want too!!

It really sucks how half-heartedly some people give you their attention. On the one hand, I always try to remember that other people will be busy with their own lives. But if it is someone very close to you, you should at the very least be able to expect the same treatment back that you give them.

With your wife, I'm not sure how things are between you, but if she understands what you're going through & chooses to ignore it, then that's really messed up & I'm sorry you have someone like that in your life. Being with someone who doesn't really care is a horrible thing to endure. If you do decide to back out this weekend, then I hope you're able to set boundaries with her & get the attention you deserve. But good luck with whatever path you end up taking!

 

[Szinuus]

Sounds like horrible method of ctb but wish you luck. I also have almost infinite ctb opportunity since Im living alone.

 

[Hateyouprolife]

What is your exact plan on drowning? Are you planning to use some drugs as drowning aid? How to you get far from shore with weights? Hope you share your idea as this is my backup method.

 

[TimetoGo!]

What is your exact plan on drowning? Are you planning to use some drugs as drowning aid? How to you get far from shore with weights? Hope you share your idea as this is my backup method.

Thread 'Backpack full of weights'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/backpack-full-of-weights.105630/

 

[GasMonkey]

Why not a peaceful method?

 

[TimetoGo!]

Why not a peaceful method?

to me this is peaceful......not being found by family members appeals to me. not being found for a long long time appeals as well. Gas, SN , gun, hanging to me are far worse

 

[don't want it]

Can update this topic soon and told us what happened

 

[TimetoGo!]

update.....

I have finally got everything in place for my drowning attempt. its harder than you think to plan.

where do I go to do it? I have chosen a beautiful 40m deep lake about 2 hours from my house

how do I get myself and the weight needed to drag me under to the middle of the lake? I have purchased a blow up canoe , so low cost and can hold myself and heavy rocks.

the weight will be in large bags I own.....I will find heavy rocks to fill them and then fasten them tight with tie wraps so SI cant kick in.

I plan on having a fair amount of Alcohol. I also have sleeping pills to make me drowsy, so when I feel tired , that is my time to fall off the boat.

Am I 100% that I will have the courage to got through with this? no. but it is ready.

I am unbelievably tired of life, depressed everyday, don't want to be round anyone.

I will say goodbye on a video recording and send to the people I care most about.

I 'practiced' being under water in my bath tub and it wasn't pleasant at all but needs must unfortunately

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Per ardua ad astra

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Good luck to you in your decision and whatever you decide to do. Not trying to talk you out of your method, but drowning isn't the easiest, as far as peacefulness goes, even with a backpack full of weights. Kudos to you if it is right for you. That's really all that matters. I couldn't do it. I do hope you can find your peace no matter what you do.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Good luck to you in your decision and whatever you decide to do. Not trying to talk you out of your method, but drowning isn't the easiest, as far as peacefulness goes, even with a backpack full of weights. Kudos to you if it is right for you. That's really all that matters. I couldn't do it. I do hope you can find your peace no matter what you do.

thank you.

No, forcing myself to drown isnt the easiest but what is? ive not come across an easy method. A big part for me is not being found by family members.

There is no way of survival if you strap yourself to weight in deep water. 3 minutes and im gone

 

[don't want it]

Have you tried to communicate with your girl? And told her about Suicide? If this is the first time you tell her this thing, she will be shocked If it's a second time, she may not take it seriously enough. You should talk to her her way. If there's no way at all, and you're desperate, do what you want.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Have you tried to communicate with your girl? And told her about Suicide? If this is the first time you tell her this thing, she will be shocked If it's a second time, she may not take it seriously enough. You should talk to her her way. If there's no way at all, and you're desperate, do what you want.

i have never directly discussed suicide with my wife, but she has said "you won't do anything daft will you?" So she knows im very low.

Nobody apart from people on here know what I have planned. Thats why I appreciate this forum because you can talk openly and people understand without judgement