Finally feeling numb enough inside to test partial.

[opheliaoveragain]

We shall see. I've attempted manually compressing with my hand to find the sweet spot but its a tad difficult. Will update.

 

[painoflife]

I hope you are able to do this comfortably as it can be quite frustrating to get the correct pressure. Only practice or attempt if you are ready for the consequences of it working as accidents can happen.

I'm repeatedly doing this in an attempt to desensitise myself to the SI around it and hope that one day it finally does the job fully. I'm beyond ready to go so there would be no regret if it worked.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I hope you are able to do this comfortably as it can be quite frustrating to get the correct pressure. Only practice or attempt if you are ready for the consequences of it working as accidents can happen.

I'm repeatedly doing this in an attempt to desensitise myself to the SI around it and hope that one day it finally does the job fully. I'm beyond ready to go so there would be no regret if it worked.

Def am doing it as gradually and gently as possible as today is not the day but I feel the rope glaring at me every day. This is basically an anchor point test because I had a few new ideas. I haven't decided on a day yet but I don't want to see 34. 33 feels perfect. I've also been repeating the process in small sessions to try to overcome SI etc. But if I succeeded, I wouldn't be regretful at all.
I feel pretty secure in the double or triple anchor point system I have figured out. I try to give my brain breaks in between Steps/Testing, because when I'm in this state, even though I'm typing coherent sentences, my mind feels like the loud static on an old TV and its turned up too loud and you can't find the remote. This abyss is slowly pushing away my SI, the staying alive so others don't hurt bullshit. To be clear, this will be CTB via partial, if I can find someone on here I can trust, I'm open to allowing it to be captured on a video call (I wouldn't ask the other person to watch or even watch it back if that wasn't something they wanted, it's simply to provide an additional resource to SaSu) I have two kinds of benzos as well (if taking all of both would do it I'd be gone already)