Story Finally feeling fine about my self-harm scars

[mylittlesponge]

One of my biggest problems that people have consistently pointed out every time I wear anything that isn't a long-sleeve top is that my left arm is absolutely wrecked with scars. Not a centimeter between each one, some overlap, some are darker than the others, some are fresh. And it's like that all over, from my shoulder down to my wrist. My right arm has a couple too, but not many. For a while, I felt that these scars were just a reminder of my addiction to self-harm [or "stimming"/self-soothing with cutting], a potential "trigger" to others, or just something to be ashamed of. Many days, I would rather go out in public wearing a jacket or long-sleeve in humid 26 degree weather [about 80 degrees Fahrenheit for those who use it] and risk overheating, than actually let people see them. It took me a while just to start drawing them when I was drawing myself. I was always okay with seeing other people's scars, because to me, it felt like an accomplishment that they were just faded scars from a harsher time of their life, and not recent. But for some reason, I was always so doubtful and hateful of my own because I felt I was doing it out of impulse and that I didn't actually "struggle enough" for them to be a reminder of any value.
After a little bit of pep talk, I actually started thinking about it. I don't have any problem with other people's remainders of their hard times, most people don't; so why would it be bad if I just ditched the long-sleeves and the jackets and stopped caring? If I just showed the scars as if they weren't there at all? So today, I decided to go to the gym without covering myself up. I didn't need breaks as often, I didn't feel overheated, and nobody said a thing about it. And that was what confirmed it.
Nobody actually gets offended over the display of scars. I was overthinking it. And it felt like with just a moment of clarity, my perception of those scars changed. They're not something to be ashamed of. Yes, they're a reminder of how I would self-soothe by hurting myself and later got addicted to it, but I don't view them with disgust or shame now. They're a reminder of how I've stayed clean no matter how hard it gets now. And now I can only hope that people like me learn to move past the shame as well; nobody deserves to feel shame for coping in a certain way during dark times.

 

[orpheus_]

Really glad you got to this point For me seeing people with healed self harm scars (including strangers) is a reminder that people can get out even from a huge life shithole. I know of course that being clean from SH doesn't mean somebody is feeling fine, but it's still some kind of improvement.
I know people who have very visible scars from cutting and do not cover them - and honestly people around don't care. I have quite deep scars myself but in places usually covered easily by short sleeves, still they show sometimes when I raise my arms or something. It feels kind of awkward but I try to remember that most strangers do not give a shit about a detail of my looks, and even if they notice, people's reaction is usually some kind of sympathy and not something negative. The general consensus in most communities is that healed scars do not require being covered, and honestly your health and safety are more important anyway.

 

[orpheus_]

also off topic but I love your profile picture-

 

[Graveyardly]

My best friend had scars like that. When I was younger and more innocent I asked what they were and if she was okay. She told me she used to be a bored girl but now she was better.

As a kid I've been taught that scars are battlescars, much like tattoos, more even, they're attached to meaning, maybe accidents, SH. They all have meaning and are all beautiful they are witnesses of your body's travel through time and the life you lived. Only very judgemental people ( that would frankly not be nice to be around ) judge them, and their judgement is of no value.