Venting Finally ctbing Sunday

[Idontmatter]

I'm finally going to ctb on Sunday. The depression, anxiety and constant exhaustion are too much now. I feel guilty and selfish for leaving my husband like this but I have to do it for me. For a while I didn't want to die but now I'm to the point I finally do. I'll be leaving this life on Sunday afternoon. All I can say is sorry to those I leave behind and I hope they forgive me. There is always a chance I could wimp out at the last minute but I'm confident it's going to happen. I'll post a goodbye thread Saturday when I check into the hotel. I'll be drinking sn Sunday around 3:30 pm eastern time (us time). As each day gets closer I get more nervous but mainly nervous about failing. I've seen so many successful sn ctbs though it seems I have good odds. I'll try not to ramble to much over the next few days, I do that when I'm nervous. As always thanks for putting up with my posts. Maybe I'll put updates when I drink the sn. Not sure yet. At a certain point I'm just going to close my eyes and rest until it's over. I'm planning on eating a nice lunch and taking a long walk at my favorite park Sunday while I'm waiting for check in time at the hotel. I haven't did much crying but I'm sure Saturday I'll be balling my eyes out… lol

 

[jodes2]

Sorry to see you go. I hope you can make something of your remaining time here

 

[Hope:-)]

Lots of love to you xxx

 

[Euthanza]

I wish you the best of everything in your last 4 days

 

[home]

I hope your last days treat you well

 

[Astronauta]

Sinto muito por tudo que lhe trouxe aqui.
Aproveite esses dias.

 

[yuno]

I wish you a safe, peaceful trip

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have suffered a lot. Life is just too unfair. I wish you freedom from this cruel existence.

 

[outrider567]

Keep us updated

 

[theboy]

I hope you have peace in your heart. Safe travels

 

[Idontmatter]

Keep us updated

I will. I just want it to work correctly. My worst fear is I'll wake up and find out I survived.

 

[Gaga786]

I'm so sorry that you have to suffer so much. I hope you find peace; I wish you the best

 

[Idontmatter]

This may sound strange but my gut is telling me that this is the right time to ctb. I feel so calm because of it. It's a different feeling I have now than I did before when I kept postponing. Who knows, it might just be because I'm crazy.. lol.

 

[brokensea]

This may sound strange but my gut is telling me that this is the right time to ctb. I feel so calm because of it. It's a different feeling I have now than I did before when I kept postponing. Who knows, it might just be because I'm crazy.. lol.

It's normal to feel calm when you make a decision not to be here. A lot of people can feel really happy for the first time in a long time knowing all their problems are ending. Your post made me feel sad for you and the pain you feel.

 

[Idontmatter]

It's normal to feel calm when you make a decision not to be here. A lot of people can feel really happy for the first time in a long time knowing all their problems are ending. Your post made me feel sad for you and the pain you feel.

I hope everyone I leave behind understands why I'm doing it. It will be in my goodbye note. I'm having a final meal Friday night with my husband at one of our favorite restaurants and a final meal on Saturday alone at my favorite burger place. I want my husband's final memory of me to be a good one. It really gets real when I check into the hotel Saturday afternoon.

 

[brokensea]

I hope everyone I leave behind understands why I'm doing it. It will be in my goodbye note. I'm having a final meal Friday night with my husband at one of our favorite restaurants and a final meal on Saturday alone at my favorite burger place. I want my husband's final memory of me to be a good one. It really gets real when I check into the hotel Saturday afternoon.

We are always here if you need someone to talk to or feel scared.

 

[virgilwalks]

We are here for you.

 

[Idontmatter]

We are always here if you need someone to talk to or feel scared.

Thank you. I'll definitely need someone to talk to Saturday and Sunday as I'm getting ready. My nerves will be going crazy until I fall asleep forever

 

[GasMonkey]

See you on the Other Side.

 

[Void Chaser Ashe]

Good luck friend, I wish you best for your journey.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hope that calm feeling stays with you. All the best for a peaceful journey and a release from all your pain.

 

[Hollowillow]

You're not crazy. The anxiety means you're stressed out. You're exhausted. Your needs aren't met. That's why you're rightfully sad. You deserve the eternal rest. I'm sure you got burned out by trying hard. Too hard. I wish you could pamper yourself & heal. But I understand, I'm too exhausted for that too. But know that the people who get like this aren't the lazy but the selfless people who tried too hard, without taking enough time for them. If this is your way to pamper yourself, I hope you'll have a very peaceful trip.

 

[Idontmatter]

You're not crazy. The anxiety means you're stressed out. You're exhausted. Your needs aren't met. That's why you're rightfully sad. You deserve the eternal rest. I'm sure you got burned out by trying hard. Too hard. I wish you could pamper yourself & heal. But I understand, I'm too exhausted for that too. But know that the people who get like this aren't the lazy but the selfless people who tried too hard, without taking enough time for them. If this is your way to pamper yourself, I hope you'll have a very peaceful trip.

Thank you. I'm actually looking forward to relaxing in the hotel room the night before just so I can clear my head before I ctb. I just have to make sure I don't fail.