Method Final thoughts as the end draws near.

[Rainork]

I will be ctb later this month and keep second guessing my method but it's a method I have had to settle on for a few reasons.
I have tried to hang and jump, both of which have been stopped by my SI/fear of heights (something I'd been trying to ignore until I was shaking at the top of a cliff).
I have also tried to OD, this also failed.
So, when I go, I will be taking an OD, drinking as much alcohol as I can manage and then swimming out to sea. The reason I've settled on this combination is because I am quite a strong swimmer; so drowning at sea alone would be a struggle- and the meds I'm ODing on have a high chance of recovery, but will often cause blackouts/seizures.
So I'm hoping, after taking everything, my SI won't stop me if I can tell myself I'm just going for a swim and then hopefully the OD will kick in and swimming will become impossible and my peace will finally come.
Honestly, my main worry is the lack of a body for the very few people who may want it for their goodbyes. I'm debating maybe attaching myself to something that will stay afloat via a 2m rope- so it doesn't keep me from drowning but will give a slight chance of my body being recovered?
I've mostly come to terms with the fact my body will be lost at sea- and I think that's one of the hardest things for me. However this is the only mix of methods I can come up with the hopefully ensure success on ctb and would like to do what I can to increase the chances of my body being found once I'm gone. I had also thought about potentially some kind of waterproof tracker but wouldn't want to risk that being found before I'm gone incase of being saved.
Does anyone have any thoughts of things I haven't thought about that may stop my method from being successful? Or any thoughts of what I could do to increase chances of body retrieval?
I think I'm also posting here because, honestly, I'm feeling ridiculously lonely.
There's something very sad about feeling free for the first time in so long but not being able to share that with anyone close to me due to the intervention that would inevitably follow.

 

[meddle]

thats a very sad and scary method. im so sad you even came up with this idea. the thought that your body will be forever lost at sea is distressing indeed. and i personally would never try to do that. but if you think this really is the best option for you, then good luck

 

[yotaka]

It's interesting, you and I have opposite concerns in a way. You're worried about your body being lost in the sea, whereas that's exactly what I would want. I'm not an expert at all, so don't take this as undeniable truth, but my impression was that if you're within swimming distance of the shore, the odds of your body washing up on the beach are pretty good. I've tried to come up with a good way to weigh myself down so this doesn't happen. Just my thoughts, anyway.

And I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. Whatever lies ahead for you, I wish you as much peace as possible.

 

[Rainork]

thats a very sad and scary method. im so sad you even came up with this idea. the thought that your body will be forever lost at sea is distressing indeed. and i personally would never try to do that. but if you think this really is the best option for you, then good luck

Thank you
It's weird but to me the method itself isn't scary at all (apart from inhaling salt water, which I'm actively trying not to think about)- I've always found the sea very peaceful and have swum from a young age.

It's interesting, you and I have opposite concerns in a way. You're worried about your body being lost in the sea, whereas that's exactly what I would want. I'm not an expert at all, so don't take this as undeniable truth, but my impression was that if you're within swimming distance of the shore, the odds of your body washing up on the beach are pretty good. I've tried to come up with a good way to weigh myself down so this doesn't happen. Just my thoughts, anyway.

And I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. Whatever lies ahead for you, I wish you as much peace as possible.

I have seen that most people who choose to ctb in the sea do it to be lost- I hadn't considered those posts may hold my answer to ensuring my body is found.
What would you class as 'swimming distance'? I have no idea how far I will make it but just plan on swimming until I can't anymore- i know in my prime I could swim 1 mile in about 25 minutes but have no idea how it will go when intoxicated/OD'd. I suppose if I want my body to wash up, not going too far would probably be best for me.
I'm also sorry that life has brought you here, especially to a point where you want your body to be lost. Maybe we can meet for a swim once we're free from this world.

 

[yotaka]

What would you class as 'swimming distance'? I have no idea how far I will make it but just plan on swimming until I can't anymore- i know in my prime I could swim 1 mile in about 25 minutes but have no idea how it will go when intoxicated/OD'd. I suppose if I want my body to wash up, not going too far would probably be best for me.
I'm also sorry that life has brought you here, especially to a point where you want your body to be lost. Maybe we can meet for a swim once we're free from this world.

I guess I didn't exactly think that through. I'm a terrible swimmer, so I would probably only make it a few hundred meters at most. Maybe things would still wash ashore up to a mile or two out. I dunno.

And yeah, even though I'm a bad swimmer, I still like being in and around water. It would be nice to meet up for a swim beyond the pains of this world