Hey I just wanted to tell everyone I'm appreciated for you guys stopping by and spending the time to relate and share your experiences and share support as well. Sorry I haven't taken the time to reply in-depth to all of you. I know it's selfish of me to not do so it's just sometimes I lack the energy or focus. I mainly just try to keep myself occupied these days with eating sleeping or something that distracts me long enough from knowing that I have to kill myself and my life had come to this. I truly loved everything about life 100% even when things were hard and I was going through rough patches I always found my way up out of it and always found a way to maintain. I just feel empty now like my soul is gone now and I @Cant Maintain anymore and don't want to. Truly grateful to have been born and to be alive I've had some really incredible experiences here on Plan-ET Earth, but things have really taken a turn in the wrong way and this is one of those situations that aren't changing. I'm not sure if I did it to myself I'm pretty sure I have done it to myself with my behaviors and actions, but there are just some things that we're out of my control as well.
Any way to carry on with this post and this thread, I ended up finding out the property back there was a hunting camp now and some rich college kid is leasing the property. I'm sure I could have snuck away in my back there but I just chose not to and now we're moving to a new house in around a week or so. It's only right down the street from where we are about a 10-minute drive and there is woods behind that house as well. I'm ready to go survival instinct really isn't a big deal, although I'm sure it will be once I'm actually in that moment of having to sipeth thy salthy wine. I'm just going to chug it down though. My only issue is getting caught that's what I'm worried about the most honestly. I was supposed to just get a little tent that looks like a foldable chair when I'm walking with it so no one would think anything of it they would probably think I'm just going to sit somewhere and relax but whoever purchased my tent bought this GIANT tent. I mean HUGE. It's the size of like five foldable chairs in one. It's HUGE. The whole reason I'm using the tent is in case by any reason something goes wrong which I don't think it will but it always could so I'm preparing ahead of time, so that way if I happen to wake up for any reason that I won't be out in the middle of the woods all alone in the darkness and not be able to see my way home. I mean I'm used to it I've been homeless on and off for 10 years so I'm used to camping out in the woods and being out in the darkness, but I usually have a fire and flashlights with me and a weapon. I used to carry around machetes with me when I was homeless.
Plus I usually had a road dog with me.
I guess it's really it I'm just afraid of waking up and it be the middle of the night and maybe stuck out in the woods and not know what's around me and not have no way out I may not have my phone with me so I can use the flashlight but still in all. We live in a rural area there's a bunch of boars snakes etc. That's all I need is to be mad or attacked by some boar and left for dead. I mean I could go out there early in the a.m. and just lay a sheet down. If I did happen to wake up or anything I don't think that I would sleep that long that it would be night time but you never know. Anyway nobody has to respond to this this is just my way of venting and getting things out so I can go back and read it and understand myself and analyze the situation a little deeper and what I'm going to do. Anyway yeah if you have run up to this point I appreciate you and thank you for stopping by and I wish you the best if you're reading this and I'm sorry that things have gotten to this point for you and I hope that you can pull yourself up out of this situation that you're in and find a reason to live and find something that makes you want to pull through and move forward. For some of us we are damaged beyond repair and there's no way for us to move forward even if we wanted to try.
I was supposed to have been gone in May. Back in that time that property actually wasn't purchased yet that I've been talking about and I could have just went back there like it was nothing BUT I think they survival and stinger fear maybe is what caught up to me, plus I still hadn't had my tent at the time. I've had the SN since March. Around March 13th March 14th to be exact. I can't believe I stayed alive this long and I'm still kicking it. I've been seriously desperate to leave and have my mind made since around October 1st of last year. I cannot believe I'm still here kicking it. Without this community I would have hung myself by now I already know it. I guess I can say I owe it to this community for me still being here today honestly.
I just woke up. My sleeping schedule has absolutely been fucked. (Excuse my language) I'm just all wrecked. I stay up all night and sleep all day I just eat and sleep eat and sleep and spend all my time on this website, or researching suicide. I guess to motivate myself in a way. The other time is spent literally visualizing what's going to happen when I'm going to die and how everyone's going to react to it and how it's going to affect them and putting myself in their shoes. I just can't do it anymore though and I just don't want to. I need to go take a shower. I have an ingrown hair on my nipple somehow that hurts. That's another thing it's come to a point where my hygiene is almost non-existent I don't take care of myself anymore. Im worse than an animal. I'm like an anhedonic inbred pig with brain damage.
My level of consciousness has dropped to that lower than an animal. Maybe the Buddhist and some of these other people are right about what they teach who knows. If you live like a beast you will die like a beast.
Oh yeah that's another thing if you're just going to come over here to try to debate people's beliefs just leave I don't want you on this thread. I hate how we can't even open up about our beliefs here without people trying to come out here and debate with us. Go do that debating shit with someone else most of us here are suffering enough and are not trying to debate. It's funny because these same people will kick down Christians and mock and judge Christians when they themselves try to force their beliefs on the people more than anyone else.
I'm just waiting here for one of these know-it-all intellectual materialist to say "thEr iS nO kArmA oR God Or EvIdEnCe" man buzz off out of here with that. You're the type of people I wouldn't even hang out with even if I wasn't at this point in my life because you're the type of people that judge others quote on quote for forcing their beliefs but you do the same exact thing. The type of people to try to kill a child's imagination. I don't want that energy in my space.
Like man someone will come and read this entire threat and absolutely skip everything else just to go to the park where I mentioned Buddhist (I'm not Buddhist) JUST to come on here and try to force their beliefs about how they feel and think and start a debate. Some people that saw they know how to do is prove themselves right above everyone else. Maybe I'm guilty of this also but I know nothing and I don't claim to know everything and I'm not always right about things. At least I'll admit it though. Or you'll have a goodbye thread where these people say I hope that I get to see my mom or my relatives when I pass and one of these people actually have the audacity to go on to a goodbye thread and someone's last moments and tell them "there is nothing after death" like LOL that's probably why whenever I leave I'm not even going to make a goodbye thread because I don't want these people coming in my thread with that shit.
I don't know why we can't just respect what people believe in how they feel and what comforts them in their last moments and leave them the hell alone. Go make your own thread for debating if you want to , leave other people alone.
If they aren't hurting anyone leave them the hell alone.
I'm guilty of debating too with the whole sodium nitrite thing. I'm Not Innocent at all. It's just there's some people that I feel like their intention is to try to scare people. Like telling them that there could be people that are brain dead and couldn't come back to tell us. You think by now that if this is actually happened we would know it with all the attention being brought towards sodium nitrite and this website.
Anyway I just woke up and I'm usually in a bad mood when I woke up I'm sorry. I'm sorry for rambling as well but whatever I don't care anymore I need to sometime. I'm just waiting on a debate to happen because it always does happen on this website no matter what you say or what you do.
I just know one thing and I'm ready to die. I don't have a will to survive and move on any longer. I don't have the will to take care of myself anymore. I cannot visualize a future anymore for myself whatsoever and I have no faith in one.
I wish I didn't turn into an agoraphobic parasite who lives in a rural area and I still have my car or money to get a hotel because I would have done clocked out by now.
Any way to carry on with this post and this thread, I ended up finding out the property back there was a hunting camp now and some rich college kid is leasing the property. I'm sure I could have snuck away in my back there but I just chose not to and now we're moving to a new house in around a week or so. It's only right down the street from where we are about a 10-minute drive and there is woods behind that house as well. I'm ready to go survival instinct really isn't a big deal, although I'm sure it will be once I'm actually in that moment of having to sipeth thy salthy wine. I'm just going to chug it down though. My only issue is getting caught that's what I'm worried about the most honestly. I was supposed to just get a little tent that looks like a foldable chair when I'm walking with it so no one would think anything of it they would probably think I'm just going to sit somewhere and relax but whoever purchased my tent bought this GIANT tent. I mean HUGE. It's the size of like five foldable chairs in one. It's HUGE. The whole reason I'm using the tent is in case by any reason something goes wrong which I don't think it will but it always could so I'm preparing ahead of time, so that way if I happen to wake up for any reason that I won't be out in the middle of the woods all alone in the darkness and not be able to see my way home. I mean I'm used to it I've been homeless on and off for 10 years so I'm used to camping out in the woods and being out in the darkness, but I usually have a fire and flashlights with me and a weapon. I used to carry around machetes with me when I was homeless.
Plus I usually had a road dog with me.I guess it's really it I'm just afraid of waking up and it be the middle of the night and maybe stuck out in the woods and not know what's around me and not have no way out I may not have my phone with me so I can use the flashlight but still in all. We live in a rural area there's a bunch of boars snakes etc. That's all I need is to be mad or attacked by some boar and left for dead. I mean I could go out there early in the a.m. and just lay a sheet down. If I did happen to wake up or anything I don't think that I would sleep that long that it would be night time but you never know. Anyway nobody has to respond to this this is just my way of venting and getting things out so I can go back and read it and understand myself and analyze the situation a little deeper and what I'm going to do. Anyway yeah if you have run up to this point I appreciate you and thank you for stopping by and I wish you the best if you're reading this and I'm sorry that things have gotten to this point for you and I hope that you can pull yourself up out of this situation that you're in and find a reason to live and find something that makes you want to pull through and move forward. For some of us we are damaged beyond repair and there's no way for us to move forward even if we wanted to try.
I was supposed to have been gone in May. Back in that time that property actually wasn't purchased yet that I've been talking about and I could have just went back there like it was nothing BUT I think they survival and stinger fear maybe is what caught up to me, plus I still hadn't had my tent at the time. I've had the SN since March. Around March 13th March 14th to be exact. I can't believe I stayed alive this long and I'm still kicking it. I've been seriously desperate to leave and have my mind made since around October 1st of last year. I cannot believe I'm still here kicking it. Without this community I would have hung myself by now I already know it. I guess I can say I owe it to this community for me still being here today honestly.
I just woke up. My sleeping schedule has absolutely been fucked. (Excuse my language) I'm just all wrecked. I stay up all night and sleep all day I just eat and sleep eat and sleep and spend all my time on this website, or researching suicide. I guess to motivate myself in a way. The other time is spent literally visualizing what's going to happen when I'm going to die and how everyone's going to react to it and how it's going to affect them and putting myself in their shoes. I just can't do it anymore though and I just don't want to. I need to go take a shower. I have an ingrown hair on my nipple somehow that hurts. That's another thing it's come to a point where my hygiene is almost non-existent I don't take care of myself anymore. Im worse than an animal. I'm like an anhedonic inbred pig with brain damage.
My level of consciousness has dropped to that lower than an animal. Maybe the Buddhist and some of these other people are right about what they teach who knows.
If you live like a beast you will die like a beast.Oh yeah that's another thing if you're just going to come over here to try to debate people's beliefs just leave I don't want you on this thread. I hate how we can't even open up about our beliefs here without people trying to come out here and debate with us. Go do that debating shit with someone else most of us here are suffering enough and are not trying to debate. It's funny because these same people will kick down Christians and mock and judge Christians when they themselves try to force their beliefs on the people more than anyone else.
I'm just waiting here for one of these know-it-all intellectual materialist to say "thEr iS nO kArmA oR God Or EvIdEnCe" man buzz off out of here with that. You're the type of people I wouldn't even hang out with even if I wasn't at this point in my life because you're the type of people that judge others quote on quote for forcing their beliefs but you do the same exact thing. The type of people to try to kill a child's imagination. I don't want that energy in my space.
Like man someone will come and read this entire threat and absolutely skip everything else just to go to the park where I mentioned Buddhist (I'm not Buddhist) JUST to come on here and try to force their beliefs about how they feel and think and start a debate. Some people that saw they know how to do is prove themselves right above everyone else. Maybe I'm guilty of this also but I know nothing and I don't claim to know everything and I'm not always right about things. At least I'll admit it though. Or you'll have a goodbye thread where these people say I hope that I get to see my mom or my relatives when I pass and one of these people actually have the audacity to go on to a goodbye thread and someone's last moments and tell them "there is nothing after death" like LOL that's probably why whenever I leave I'm not even going to make a goodbye thread because I don't want these people coming in my thread with that shit.
I don't know why we can't just respect what people believe in how they feel and what comforts them in their last moments and leave them the hell alone. Go make your own thread for debating if you want to , leave other people alone.
If they aren't hurting anyone leave them the hell alone.
I'm guilty of debating too with the whole sodium nitrite thing. I'm Not Innocent at all. It's just there's some people that I feel like their intention is to try to scare people. Like telling them that there could be people that are brain dead and couldn't come back to tell us. You think by now that if this is actually happened we would know it with all the attention being brought towards sodium nitrite and this website.
Anyway I just woke up and I'm usually in a bad mood when I woke up I'm sorry. I'm sorry for rambling as well but whatever I don't care anymore I need to sometime. I'm just waiting on a debate to happen because it always does happen on this website no matter what you say or what you do.
I just know one thing and I'm ready to die. I don't have a will to survive and move on any longer. I don't have the will to take care of myself anymore. I cannot visualize a future anymore for myself whatsoever and I have no faith in one.
I wish I didn't turn into an agoraphobic parasite who lives in a rural area and I still have my car or money to get a hotel because I would have done clocked out by now.
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