Final days

[👁️👃👁️]

Please do not comment on here and tell me "seems like you're nervous means you don't want to do it" I don't want to hear that. I know what it is that I want to do. I have made up my mind.

Guys I feel like the time is coming soon. I feel really rushed into doing this as quickly as possible also due to the circumstances. I feel really bad and really guilty for what I'm doing to my family and I hate that it has to be this way.

I'm lying to them and telling them that I'm going into the woods to camp and fast (they know I have done extended water fast in the past) but I'm actually sneaking off to kill myself and leaving them a delayed email for the next day. I just feel really guilty. On top of that I've developed severe agoraphobia over the past year which is weird because I never had that before, so it's making me afraid that I'm going to get caught. I haven't been to the trail behind the neighborhood in a while either so I'm not even sure if I'll have access to get back there. On top of that my family are in the process of moving to a new house in a new location and I don't want to do that. They're moving from a rural area to a more populated area like I said I've developed agoraphobia and extreme paranoia so it's going to be hard coping with that plus I don't think there will be an area there for me to CTB and I'm not going to do it in their home.

I usually don't make threads like this I'm just a bit overwhelmed I feel really guilty and really bad for this and need to vent.

I know it's just a dream and a fantasy but I really do wish that euthanasia was more readily available so that we could prepare our family ahead of time and let them know the reasons why we're doing this and spend our last moments with them and make good memories and also have a safe place to CTB and at least them have the closure of knowing that we didn't suffer.

Sadly that's not how it is.

Thanks for reading fellow sufferer. I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point of wanting to CTB.

 

[Molded foundation]

May you find what you're looking for.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

May you find what you're looking for.

Thank you. You as well.

 

[Lonerzepam]

Gg
I'm also on the edge bro
You are not alone
I wish you eternal peace

 

[universe]

I'm sorry for you, you seem to be in a lot of pain. I'm not judging your CTB decision, I'm about to do the same and I'm terrified. I also have the impression that it is time, and that it is rushing, that it is inevitable. The countdown ticks, the guilt arrives, in our last moments. I'm afraid of the future, of what life may hold for the future, another batch of suffering. The fear of change can really disturb, leaving one place to go to another where you will not feel comfortable, especially in cases of agoraphobia.
I hope you get better, that everything will be fine for you no matter what. I send you all my prayers wishing you much courage in this life.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Gg
I'm also on the edge bro
You are not alone
I wish you eternal peace

You too sister.
They're actually moving where Scrim went to highschool.

I wish you relief from your suffering and sorry you're going through this.

I'm sorry for you, you seem to be in a lot of pain. I'm not judging your CTB decision, I'm about to do the same and I'm terrified. I also have the impression that it is time, and that it is rushing, that it is inevitable. The countdown ticks, the guilt arrives, in our last moments. I'm afraid of the future, of what life may hold for the future, another batch of suffering. The fear of change can really disturb, leaving one place to go to another where you will not feel comfortable, especially in cases of agoraphobia.
I hope you get better, that everything will be fine for you no matter what. I send you all my prayers wishing you much courage in this life.

I understand where you're coming from my friend wearing this together and it sucks that this is happening. Spiritually I don't really know where I stand anymore but I do somewhat worry about what may happen afterwards as some of the text and certain sects I have followed in the past make a big deal about the State of consciousness and how you feel at the time of death. I'm going to try to make myself as relaxed as possible and as calm as possible but sadly I think that I'm going to be in a state of guilt shame regret worry and panic.

I hope that you get better also and then maybe things will turn around for you so that you don't have to make this decision. Thank you for your kind words and taking the time out to reply here. I'm sending you love and prayers as well and I appreciate you dearly.

 

[Lonerzepam]

You too sister.
They're actually moving where Scrim went to highschool.

I wish you relief from your suffering and sorry you're going through this.

I understand where you're coming from my friend wearing this together and it sucks that this is happening. Spiritually I don't really know where I stand anymore but I do somewhat worry about what may happen afterwards as some of the text and certain sects I have followed in the past make a big deal about the State of consciousness and how you feel at the time of death. I'm going to try to make myself as relaxed as possible and as calm as possible but sadly I think that I'm going to be in a state of guilt shame regret worry and panic.

I hope that you get better also and then maybe things will turn around for you so that you don't have to make this decision. Thank you for your kind words and taking the time out to reply here. I'm sending you love and prayers as well and I appreciate you dearly.

That's awesome I didn't knew that.
I only met one other guy here so far knowing SBoys.
I saw on their IG story that they are the most streamed independent artists in the world. They deserve it. Maybe go check out their new album if u havent already before u ctb. Fucking your culture is my fav song on the album.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

That's awesome I didn't knew that.
I only met one other guy here so far knowing SBoys.
I saw on their IG story that they are the most streamed independent artists in the world. They deserve it. Maybe go check out their new album if u havent already before u ctb. Fucking your culture is my fav song on the album.

That's me. I changed my username.

I may go check it out I don't really listen to music anymore it's kind of hard to for some reason.

I hope you're doing better than you were before it's good to hear from you again.

 

[Nirrend]

Please do not comment on here and tell me "seems like you're nervous means you don't want to do it" I don't want to hear that. I know what it is that I want to do. I have made up my mind.

Guys I feel like the time is coming soon. I feel really rushed into doing this as quickly as possible also due to the circumstances. I feel really bad and really guilty for what I'm doing to my family and I hate that it has to be this way.

I'm lying to them and telling them that I'm going into the woods to camp and fast (they know I have done extended water fast in the past) but I'm actually sneaking off to kill myself and leaving them a delayed email for the next day. I just feel really guilty. On top of that I've developed severe agoraphobia over the past year which is weird because I never had that before, so it's making me afraid that I'm going to get caught. I haven't been to the trail behind the neighborhood in a while either so I'm not even sure if I'll have access to get back there. On top of that my family are in the process of moving to a new house in a new location and I don't want to do that. They're moving from a rural area to a more populated area like I said I've developed agoraphobia and extreme paranoia so it's going to be hard coping with that plus I don't think there will be an area there for me to CTB and I'm not going to do it in their home.

I usually don't make threads like this I'm just a bit overwhelmed I feel really guilty and really bad for this and need to vent.

I know it's just a dream and a fantasy but I really do wish that euthanasia was more readily available so that we could prepare our family ahead of time and let them know the reasons why we're doing this and spend our last moments with them and make good memories and also have a safe place to CTB and at least them have the closure of knowing that we didn't suffer.

Sadly that's not how it is.

Thanks for reading fellow sufferer. I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point of wanting to CTB.

Hi sweet @👁️👃👁️

Whatever you'll do, know that you are courageous and strong ❤

I imagine how torturous it is to keep such things in the long run. Feeling guilty without being able to talk about it, I understand you so much, it's horrible. We would like to shout that it's not going well, we would like to say everything but I think that you must think that the risk benefit is not great. That talking about it would only complicate things.

I am sincerely sorry for your suffering, you are not the only one to have made this choice to keep it a secret, I did it too but like a fool, I talked.

If it would ease your conscience to tell us your pain, don't hesitate ❤❤

The desire to talk about it, the sadness, the pain, the anger...

I understand you

Loving you sweet @👁️👃👁️ ❤❤❤

 

[universe]

The spiritual question also comes up for me when I have to set the date and get my affairs in order. I'm afraid of failing, of being discovered, or of ending up like a vegetable. I don't know how I'm going to hold out before the set date. I can't pretend anymore, I have to get away from people because soon I won't be of this world anymore.

I feel like it's already over for me. I hope it will be different for you. Thank you

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Whatever you'll do, know that you are courageous ans strong ❤

I imagine how torturous it is to keep such things in the long run. Feeling guilty without being able to talk about it, I understand you so much, it's horrible. We would like to shout that it's not going well, we would like to say everything but I think that you must think that the risk benefit is not great. That talking about it would only complicate things.

I am sincerely sorry for your suffering, you are not the only one to have made this choice to keep it a secret, I did it too but like a fool, I talked.

If it would ease your conscience to tell us your pain, don't hesitate ❤❤

The desire to talk about it, the sadness, the pain, the anger...

I understand you

Loving you sweet @👁️👃👁️ ❤❤❤

Hey thank you I appreciate the support I can really use it right now. Normally I don't go out of my way to look for any sort of attention or support but I really do appreciate it at a time like this.

I'm at a point where I don't really want to talk about it I don't want to tell anyone there's no point because people are just going to recommend me to try to get help and I don't want to be helped nor do I think that there is anything that can help me. For me, it's almost on a soul level what's going on. Something inside of me just feels so empty. I feel like an empty shell. I have been through a lot in my life and I normally don't talk about it much here because it's hard to open up about because I've held it in for so many years. Thanks for being understanding.

Do you feel like it was a bad idea to open up to people about it? Sometimes letting people know how you're feeling what you're going through can be the first step to getting help. Honestly don't know what helped me and so as pharmaceuticals and therapy haven't helped a lot of people. If you haven't been down that road or past I guess it doesn't hurt to at least try because of what doesn't work for one person may work for someone else.

The spiritual question also comes up for me when I have to set the date and get my affairs in order. I'm afraid of failing, of being discovered, or of ending up like a vegetable. I don't know how I'm going to hold out before the set date. I can't pretend anymore, I have to get away from people because soon I won't be of this world anymore.

I feel like it's already over for me. I hope it will be different for you. Thank you

I'm with you my friend and I feel the same way I feel like it's already over. I already feel dead. I am dead. I know it I can feel it. I feel like an empty shell just keeping this body alive for no reason. I don't have a will to move forward anymore and I just don't feel a reason to. I go to sleep every night and hope that I don't wake up the next morning and it's been this way since October of last year. Dying is all that I think about all day long from the time that I wake up to the time that I go to sleep. When I go to sleep at night I have nightmares so it's like I can't really escape this hell that I'm in and sometimes I feel like I won't even be able to escape it by dying.

I understand the fear of being afraid of failing and or becoming a vegetable it really does suck this is why they need to make euthanasia legal. I mean... If someone doesn't want to live why force them to. I was raised religious growing up so I'm fully aware of how the pro-lifers say "It's not your life it's God's" and all of that stuff and I've also studied through other esoteric in a cult teachings in different religions so I understand their stance on this whole idea but at the same time why not give us a safe way of ending our life, because if not we're going to try to do it anyway regardless. Whether it's pre-planned and something done rationally or it's done on impulse.

Hi sweet @👁️👃👁️

Whatever you'll do, know that you are courageous and strong ❤

I imagine how torturous it is to keep such things in the long run. Feeling guilty without being able to talk about it, I understand you so much, it's horrible. We would like to shout that it's not going well, we would like to say everything but I think that you must think that the risk benefit is not great. That talking about it would only complicate things.

I am sincerely sorry for your suffering, you are not the only one to have made this choice to keep it a secret, I did it too but like a fool, I talked.

If it would ease your conscience to tell us your pain, don't hesitate ❤❤

The desire to talk about it, the sadness, the pain, the anger...

I understand you

Loving you sweet @👁️👃👁️ ❤❤❤

Forgot to say. Loving you as well.

 

[Lonerzepam]

That's me. I changed my username.

I may go check it out I don't really listen to music anymore it's kind of hard to for some reason.

I hope you're doing better than you were before it's good to hear from you again.

Oh ok haha.

Yeah it's kinda hard for me too. I have a neurological disease and i get small seizures when they rap too fast it's really sad.

I do "better". But I think I don't wanna push this any further. I want my peace. But I have to try something before I can go knowing I did everything possible to get better. I can't explain really it won't make any sense but ketamine cured my illness. But i fucked it up mixing it with other substances. I hate myself everyday for it. Could have my life back. But I've been sober from everything now for like 6 months. And I ordered some ket to see if it will help me again actually. Atleast partially. I don't think my life will be worth anyway. But for some reason I just can't ctb before I haven't tried it. You don't have to understand but after that I can say I did everything possible to improve my situation. And whatever I decide afterwards I'll be ok with it. But I just can't ctb before that. Sounds weird but it's just that one thing i gotta tr before mkaaing the final decision. If it doesn't work i'll atleast have a last good high haha

 

[universe]

I'm sorry for you that you felt this thing for so long. It's inhuman to live like this every day. Dreaming is also difficult: the night is not even a real rest because the brain remains stimulated, it observes, moves, thinks, hears, sees things.

I also understand the arguments of the pro-lifers but honestly I hope they will never find themselves in this situation. Afterwards, I think they are afraid that too many people will get euthanasia. Already, some of them are afraid that the birth rate is going down in certain countries, that women are having fewer children, or that sort of thing. That it becomes an economic problem" and that the society must continue. Disgusting.

 

[Mofreeko]

I'm going to miss your posts, I really enjoy what you have to say here. I wish you a death so swift you don't even notice it happening.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Oh ok haha.

Yeah it's kinda hard for me too. I have a neurological disease and i get small seizures when they rap too fast it's really sad.

I do "better". But I think I don't wanna push this any further. I want my peace. But I have to try something before I can go knowing I did everything possible to get better. I can't explain really it won't make any sense but ketamine cured my illness. But i fucked it up mixing it with other substances. I hate myself everyday for it. Could have my life back. But I've been sober from everything now for like 6 months. And I ordered some ket to see if it will help me again actually. Atleast partially. I don't think my life will be worth anyway. But for some reason I just can't ctb before I haven't tried it. You don't have to understand but after that I can say I did everything possible to improve my situation. And whatever I decide afterwards I'll be ok with it. But I just can't ctb before that. Sounds weird but it's just that one thing i gotta tr before mkaaing the final decision. If it doesn't work i'll atleast have a last good high haha

No dude it makes a lot of sense ketamine psilocybin LSD and several other disassociatives/psychedelics are being shown to really help people who are treatment resistant to other things. You may complete sense absolutely. Try everything that you can. There is nothing wrong with that. I hope you find some sort of relief and healing from whatever illness you're dealing with. What kind of treatments have they put you through? (Doctors)

I'm sorry for you that you felt this thing for so long. It's inhuman to live like this every day. Dreaming is also difficult: the night is not even a real rest because the brain remains stimulated, it observes, moves, thinks, hears, sees things.

I also understand the arguments of the pro-lifers but honestly I hope they will never find themselves in this situation. Afterwards, I think they are afraid that too many people will get euthanasia. Already, some of them are afraid that the birth rate is going down in certain countries, that women are having fewer children, or that sort of thing. That it becomes an economic problem" and that the society must continue. Disgusting.

I really respect you for wishing these people the best by saying that you hope that they're never in this situation. Much respect to you for that. Many people are mad at the world and wish destruction upon innocent people. I never did rock that way. I do see your point about euthanasia but surely they could come up with some kind of requirements or something like 6 months to a year of therapy and if things don't get better you get approved for it or something I don't know man.

I'm going to miss your posts, I really enjoy what you have to say here. I wish you a death so swift you don't even notice it happening.

I appreciate your post too MoFreeKo and hope you find something that gives you the will to live and move forward.
I'm taking SN so I'm going to be fully aware of the fact I'm going to die. I'm just going to try to lay back breathe relax and allow the salty wine to work it's wonders.

 

[Lonerzepam]

No dude it makes a lot of sense ketamine psilocybin LSD and several other disassociatives/psychedelics are being shown to really help people who are treatment resistant to other things. You may complete sense absolutely. Try everything that you can. There is nothing wrong with that. I hope you find some sort of relief and healing from whatever illness you're dealing with. What kind of treatments have they put you through? (Doctors)

I suffer from HPPD. I got it from SSRIs and weed. I suffered the shit out of it for about 2 years. Then through a random coincident I did ketamine for the first time and it completely went away from just 1 line. This was 1 year ago. But i went down that road again thinking I was healed and mixed alot of other drugs again. I should have known better. But the ket really made me bipolar and schizo so yeah not an excuse but anyways. Now I'm currently on lamotrigine. It really helps without it I would already be dead. But I got it prescribed way too late. Fucking psychiatry man. And the symptoms are just too much at that point even with medication. But yea that's why I wanna try ket one last time before I finally decide ctb. I really hope it arrives next week

I suffer from HPPD. I got it from SSRIs and weed. I suffered the shit out of it for about 2 years. Then through a random coincident I did ketamine for the first time and it completely went away from just 1 line. This was 1 year ago. But i went down that road again thinking I was healed and mixed alot of other drugs again. I should have known better. But the ket really made me bipolar and schizo so yeah not an excuse but anyways. Now I'm currently on lamotrigine. It really helps without it I would already be dead. But I got it prescribed way too late. Fucking psychiatry man. And the symptoms are just too much at that point even with medication. But yea that's why I wanna try ket one last time before I finally decide ctb. I really hope it arrives next week

Haha did you just change your status just because of me talking about suicideboys? xD

I suffer from HPPD. I got it from SSRIs and weed. I suffered the shit out of it for about 2 years. Then through a random coincident I did ketamine for the first time and it completely went away from just 1 line. This was 1 year ago. But i went down that road again thinking I was healed and mixed alot of other drugs again. I should have known better. But the ket really made me bipolar and schizo so yeah not an excuse but anyways. Now I'm currently on lamotrigine. It really helps without it I would already be dead. But I got it prescribed way too late. Fucking psychiatry man. And the symptoms are just too much at that point even with medication. But yea that's why I wanna try ket one last time before I finally decide ctb. I really hope it arrives next week

Haha did you just change your status just because of me talking about suicideboys? xD

 

[👁️👃👁️]

I suffer from HPPD. I got it from SSRIs and weed. I suffered the shit out of it for about 2 years. Then through a random coincident I did ketamine for the first time and it completely went away from just 1 line. This was 1 year ago. But i went down that road again thinking I was healed and mixed alot of other drugs again. I should have known better. But the ket really made me bipolar and schizo so yeah not an excuse but anyways. Now I'm currently on lamotrigine. It really helps without it I would already be dead. But I got it prescribed way too late. Fucking psychiatry man. And the symptoms are just too much at that point even with medication. But yea that's why I wanna try ket one last time before I finally decide ctb. I really hope it arrives next week

I don't know how to make this make sense but I feel like trauma is stored in our body also and a lot of the medications and therapy doesn't help it come out I guess somatic therapy is a good way to work on that but I feel like psychedelics and disassociatives help a lot as well and I feel like if we have trauma stored in our body it can manifest physically through different symptoms I don't know maybe I don't make any sense. I do wish for you healing and have faith you can and will.

 

[Lonerzepam]

I don't know how to make this make sense but I feel like trauma is stored in our body also and a lot of the medications and therapy doesn't help it come out I guess somatic therapy is a good way to work on that but I feel like psychedelics and disassociatives help a lot as well and I feel like if we have trauma stored in our body it can manifest physically through different symptoms I don't know maybe I don't make any sense. I do wish for you healing and have faith you can and will.

Thanks. But I always keep my SN next to me

 

[Finding Sirius]

Hello friend, I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope you are able to cope with your feelings of guilt, you know you're not doing this to hurt them. If you could you would stay with them, please try not to be too hard on yourself which is easier said then done.

Like you and @universe I too feel like the time of my departure will be soon. The world beyond calls and it is getting more insistent. Though I suppose I am lucky in the fact that there is no one care about leaving behind. Still heartbreaking though.

As for your spiritual qualms I am much like you. I've gone from Christian to looking at all manner of occult and esoteric teachings. It's wild how there can be so many different and similar ideas on what happens after death. If you want, I can share my experiences with spiritual/ paranormal things I have experienced if that would calm your mind. Feel free to pm me if you are interested. I wish you peace, you will be missed.

 

[universe]

I really respect you for wishing these people the best by saying that you hope that they're never in this situation. Much respect to you for that. Many people are mad at the world and wish destruction upon innocent people. I never did rock that way. I do see your point about euthanasia but surely they could come up with some kind of requirements or something like 6 months to a year of therapy and if things don't get better you get approved for it or something I don't know man.

I assume that these people do not know, that they do not realize and have never been confronted with this kind of situation. They are ignorant, so they must be forgiven. Strangely, I wasn't like that before. It is my imminent death that leads me to forgive, to be more conciliatory, at peace with myself and others. Maybe I'm attaining wisdom. I believe my future CTB is changing me mentally.

Of course, their obsession is to set maximum limits, and I believe they will be very strict. I imagine that even mental illnesses causing great suffering will not be taken into account.

 

[Idontmatter]

I wish I had the words to make you feel better. All I can say is I'm in the same boat as my time is coming soon. Just trying to hold out for a few more weeks. My thoughts are with you. The guilt I have for doing this to my family weighs heavily on myself as well. Only a person suffering like we are understands. I wish you luck on your journey. Each time I see a person presumably successfully ctb it encourages me that I'll be successful.

 

[Nirrend]

Hey thank you I appreciate the support I can really use it right now. Normally I don't go out of my way to look for any sort of attention or support but I really do appreciate it at a time like this.

I'm at a point where I don't really want to talk about it I don't want to tell anyone there's no point because people are just going to recommend me to try to get help and I don't want to be helped nor do I think that there is anything that can help me. For me, it's almost on a soul level what's going on. Something inside of me just feels so empty. I feel like an empty shell. I have been through a lot in my life and I normally don't talk about it much here because it's hard to open up about because I've held it in for so many years. Thanks for being understanding.

Do you feel like it was a bad idea to open up to people about it? Sometimes letting people know how you're feeling what you're going through can be the first step to getting help. Honestly don't know what helped me and so as pharmaceuticals and therapy haven't helped a lot of people. If you haven't been down that road or past I guess it doesn't hurt to at least try because of what doesn't work for one person may work for someone else.

I'm with you my friend and I feel the same way I feel like it's already over. I already feel dead. I am dead. I know it I can feel it. I feel like an empty shell just keeping this body alive for no reason. I don't have a will to move forward anymore and I just don't feel a reason to. I go to sleep every night and hope that I don't wake up the next morning and it's been this way since October of last year. Dying is all that I think about all day long from the time that I wake up to the time that I go to sleep. When I go to sleep at night I have nightmares so it's like I can't really escape this hell that I'm in and sometimes I feel like I won't even be able to escape it by dying.

I understand the fear of being afraid of failing and or becoming a vegetable it really does suck this is why they need to make euthanasia legal. I mean... If someone doesn't want to live why force them to. I was raised religious growing up so I'm fully aware of how the pro-lifers say "It's not your life it's God's" and all of that stuff and I've also studied through other esoteric in a cult teachings in different religions so I understand their stance on this whole idea but at the same time why not give us a safe way of ending our life, because if not we're going to try to do it anyway regardless. Whether it's pre-planned and something done rationally or it's done on impulse.

Forgot to say. Loving you as well.

No worries, it's understandable, in this kind of crisis, help should be provided long before such suffering occurs.

In most cases, when the crisis reaches its climax, in the mind of the person, there is no longer any desire to be helped.

This is understandable because the suffering is so great that there is no hope. Even if I think that, ideally, every suffering person should try everything possible to get better, because I find it sad to think that many people may have left us and perhaps missed out on some great things in their lives. But unfortunately, if no happiness is possible, why hold them back?

In any case, it would also be a lie to say that suicide is "a permanent solution to a transitory problem", because unfortunately, sometimes nothing can be done to alleviate the suffering and if the person is suffering, why would you want to hold them back above all else?

To answer the question, in fact only you know what to do. If you feel that your primary goal is to be happy and to recover, then of course I only wish you to turn to people who will give you all the support you need, including your loved ones (even more so if you feel they are loving, understanding).

On the other hand, if your only wish is to end it all and if talking about it would just free you from this pervasive guilt, it's more complicated.

I only told one person and because she is totally understanding, I am relieved but in a dilemma. Because if I hadn't talked about it, I wouldn't be here anymore, I would have suffered from guilt until the end but at least I would have acted.

Since I don't know your family, I couldn't tell you what to do and I don't want to make things worse with my opinion.

If they are understanding, listening to you, why not, if their reaction is to call you "sick", to send you by force to a psychiatrist, I admit I don't know if it will have such a beneficial effect.

It's a tough choice and I understand why it's such a complicated dilemma to resolve.

Take your time, think it over, in any case, only you will make the right choice for what you need

I wish you courage sweet @👁️👃👁️

Love ❤

 

[Cathy Ames]

I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point of wanting to CTB.

Thank you, and I feel this for you, too. I will miss you, Shu/.CTB. Thank you for the interactions we have had, and I apologize for any time I frustrated you in the threads.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Thank you, and I feel this for you, too. I will miss you, Shu/.CTB. Thank you for the interactions we have had, and I apologize for any time I frustrated you in the threads.

What? You never did? Sorry if I seem pushy or close minded.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of never wanting to wake again, to be able to die in our sleep really would be ideal. Of course the option of euthanasia should be available so that those left behind would know about it in advance and wouldn't be so shocked and it would mean that people wouldn't have to do all this method research in secrecy, but unfortunately we live in a world so focused on prolonging suffering. It's a fact that in this life leaving this world can be the more preferable option for many people and this fact should be respected. I wish you freedom for when the time is right for you to leave.

 

[Judy Garland]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way Shu. I too have found it hard to leave my home. I've been putting off grocery shopping so much so that I am barely able to make a meal. I just ate soup from a can just now. This saddens me that you're going. I didn't think you would be leaving before me. I don't think I can wait until February like I thought. I don't know what to do, I just feel hopeless and despair and lots of regret over my actions I've taken in life. It's nice you have the woods so close. I too am thinking of taking to the woods, only I'm worried about failure and that would be a 2 mile walk back to my apartment if I fail. So I might just do it on the couch. I'm paranoid of neighbors hearing noise and saving me though so I'm not sure yet.

 

[Cathy Ames]

What? You never did? Sorry if I seem pushy or close minded.

No. You never did. I'm totally wishing you the best. You deserve it.

 

[MetroTransit]

Going to miss you, lots of fun nights in the chats with interesting discussions. While some of these feelings might be hard to reconcile, the best thing to do is make good memories in the time that remains with those close to you. You have obviously put a lot of thought into this and have led a life filled with struggle, but whatever choice you make going forward is yours alone. If it is goodbye then rest well fellow traveler, hopefully we may meet again.

 

[777]

Shu, in the short time that I have known you, you have impacted me as much as you possibly could've and have urged me to reconsider a lot of things throughout my time on here. You radiate energy (even virtually) that to me seems so positive and are unapologetically yourself. You are a beautiful person, with an even prettier soul and i hope you are tranquil, and can find the answers you're looking for as you approach your date. If only our world was filled with rational adults that realized living shouldn't be mandatory for all, then maybe we could've had the luxury of euthanization. For now, we do what we can. Much love from me to you, and please keep us updated.

 

[leeloosnow]

hey shu :) thank you for bein a friend, for keepin shit real, and keepin shit real crazy :P i can relate to the guilt, struggling w/prep myself. ty for the smiles n friendship. it sucks the world is so hard on good ppl to the point of we wanna ctb. maybe it's their fkn takeover strategy, that'd make sense. big hugs <3