May 21th 2020
Aug 26, 2020
Hi everyone.

I'm doing this thread because I want to keep track of my thoughts.

So basically I'm just a random guy who wants to catch the bus. I've many reasons but here's two;
- My bestfriend decided to leave this world six months ago and I can't stop thinking about him, I really miss him.
- I don't find my place in this society. I've done studies that I don't like and doing a shitty job (like the others before) for three years now.

This is strange because I have a loving family (at least my parents, my sis and bro), a good health, good friends online and an awesome girlfriend who really really loves me. So people would think "why this man wants to CTB? He has nothing to complain about! This is ridiculous!" WRONG. I hate my life. I'm too sensitive, been bullied during most of my scolarity and don't fucking know what to do with my ten fingers in the future. The suicide of my bestfriend is too much. So here I am, talking to you.

I think about my own death from the morning to the bedtime so I know exactly what to do and how to do it.
First option : hanging myself in a forest. My rope is ready, the knot is perfect and there's forest pretty much everywhere near my location. Fun fact: I have this rope everyday in the backpack that I use to go to my job. Anyone could see it but I know that no one will.
Second option: SN. Same here, I got everything. The SN itself, the antiemetic, the antacid, some sleeping pills to relax and the painkillers.

In both case, my death will be fast and not that much painful.

I'm not sad, or angry or anything else. Like, really not. I just don't want to be part of this world anymore and really hope my friend is waiting for me somewhere.

I've decided to let a letter to my family. I will only thanks them for their love and support and not talk about my reasons. I never talked about my problems so I want to keep it that way. No one will know about SS because my death won't be suspicious so the authority won't have to sniff around and my family will not have access to my computer nor phone.

Like I said, everything is pretty much ready, I'm just waiting for the right time so I will come on this thread time to time to talk about my feelings. I'Il let you know when the day has come.