Fetishizing my own self-harm

[woofwag]

Tw for sh, obviously

Idk why, but I can't seem to stop taking pride in my sh. Or maybe like… fascination? Appreciation? To me, it's still not that bad although ik people say otherwise. But I want them to say otherwise MORE. I want them to think "oh shit," just from looking at healed scars, I want people to say "you know you could've died from that," I want people to think how fucked up in the head I must be to have done that.

I take satisfaction in showing people pictures of the fresh shit. I only do it if they're really sure they want to see, and I don't think I'd ever do that to someone else who sh's because I wouldn't want to encourage them in any way. But when they get that concerned look on their face, it's like fucking heroin.

I have also involved it in sexual interactions, although not nearly as much as I'd like to. Mostly just showing them and one person licked the scar which I found very hot.

Does anyone else do this? I feel guilty for feeling these ways but it's not like I can control that.

 

[fantamaxxer]

Noo don't harm yourself do you even know how deadly that is try talking about your problems w a therapist but self harm isn't the way

Spoiler: Question

did I make you cum

 

[PanaxMan]

Tw for sh, obviously

Idk why, but I can't seem to stop taking pride in my sh. Or maybe like… fascination? Appreciation? To me, it's still not that bad although ik people say otherwise. But I want them to say otherwise MORE. I want them to think "oh shit," just from looking at healed scars, I want people to say "you know you could've died from that," I want people to think how fucked up in the head I must be to have done that.

I take satisfaction in showing people pictures of the fresh shit. I only do it if they're really sure they want to see, and I don't think I'd ever do that to someone else who sh's because I wouldn't want to encourage them in any way. But when they get that concerned look on their face, it's like fucking heroin.

I have also involved it in sexual interactions, although not nearly as much as I'd like to. Mostly just showing them and one person licked the scar which I found very hot.

Does anyone else do this? I feel guilty for feeling these ways but it's not like I can control that.

Is this masochistic behavior?

 

[puppyskittys]

i have a similar impulse. as ashamed as i always end up feeling about my cuts and bruises there's something horribly intoxicating about other people seeing them and being shocked. i think it's because it communicates way deeper than words ever could just how bad i felt. like, it's one thing for me to say "i feel like shit, i want to hurt myself, etc." and another for me to have actually been so overwhelmed and miserable as to cut myself. other people's reactions turn my misery from this abstract mess into this physical object, like as much as i pry myself open someone else still has to pull out the pearl.

there's certainly nothing immoral about involving your scars in sex if the other person consents. sexualizing traumatic experiences is a way the brain processes trauma.

 

[woofwag]

Noo don't harm yourself do you even know how deadly that is try talking about your problems w a therapist but self harm isn't the way

Spoiler: Question

did I make you cum

Lmaooo something like it sure, but only if the therapist says it too x3

Is this masochistic behavior?

Maybe to a degree, but I generally don't like other people hurting me. I need the control of it. But I enjoy the idea of it being involved, mostly in the way of them appreciating what I've already done. Or who knows, maybe me hurting them!

i have a similar impulse. as ashamed as i always end up feeling about my cuts and bruises there's something horribly intoxicating about other people seeing them and being shocked. i think it's because it communicates way deeper than words ever could just how bad i felt. like, it's one thing for me to say "i feel like shit, i want to hurt myself, etc." and another for me to have actually been so overwhelmed and miserable as to cut myself. other people's reactions turn my misery from this abstract mess into this physical object, like as much as i pry myself open someone else still has to pull out the pearl.

there's certainly nothing immoral about involving your scars in sex if the other person consents. sexualizing traumatic experiences is a way the brain processes trauma.

Well thank you for saying this, and I'm glad I'm not alone. You're right, I definitely do feel like people react differently to physical harm. Sucks, but I enjoy feeding off that reaction and having my pain witnessed. We all just want to be understood (or, most of us).

True. And I know plenty of people who want to. Idk how to feel about it yet, but I like it when my body is accepted, scars, scratches, bruises and all.

 

[3spiral]

I relate to ts I did a similar thread but it was mostly about harming yourself in more indirect ways because I don't really sh a lot. I know that part of it is also being able to share it with people, I love when I have "evidence" of something that happened or that's going on in my mind

it can be sexual for me aswell

 

[woofwag]

I relate to ts I did a similar thread but it was mostly about harming yourself in more indirect ways because I don't really sh a lot. I know that part of it is also being able to share it with people, I love when I have "evidence" of something that happened or that's going on in my mind

it can be sexual for me aswell

Yea, I think there can be that social aspect to it too. Genuinely want a "cutting partner" although I know that's a horrible idea. Part of why it's attractive to me I think. Idk. Pain is an addicting cycle, as is indulging in other people's pain and mutual destruction. It's nice to be seen.

 

[softfur]